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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask them not to bring their dog?

368 replies

Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 10:27

We have friends due to stay with us in a fortnight. It was planned a long time ago, and they've just dropped a text to us which includes the sentence "and we will be bringing our dog". I'd forgotten that they recently got a puppy.

The idea of the dog coming is really stressing me out. We've just had new carpets fitted and laminate through the house, and I am also quite nervous of animals. We are not really a pet-loving family (I like animals, just not close around me). My daughter also screams and gets very anxious when dogs come near her.

When my brother brings his dog for a day, they bring his cage and he spends time in there and also out in the garden. My daughter won't be in the room (or garden) if he's out of the cage. However, as they are staying for a long weekend, I think it's unreasonable to expect a puppy to stay in a cage and probably not practical.

My brother says he never just brings his dogs round to people's homes, without checking with them first. They live near relatives, so perhaps a relative could look after it? I'm unsure how to approach this?

OP posts:
safariboot · 09/03/2020 11:21

these are my husband's friends and I do find them generally a bit presumptuous about things

Let me guess, in other words they dismiss your views because you're a woman?

Hopefully you can be in agreement with your DH. Ie, if you say no to the dog, he will also say no to the dog. (If DH will just end up contradicting you, then you don't have a dog problem, you have a DH problem.)

UYScuti · 09/03/2020 11:21

Now, we have people working full time and then getting a dog and leaving it alone all day or dumping it on a dog-walker or doggy day care. And people getting big 10 stone rotties, and staffies and pitbulls that they can't control, just to look 'hard.' And people getting dogs and not knowing how to look after them, and letting them run wild, jump up people when they're out, shit anywhere they fancy, and bark all day in the house. And also the weirdos who think their bloody dog should come everywhere with them
I agree☹️ the dog human relationship is a special one but things have changed and it's not the fault of the dogs is the fault of the owners. Ostensibly things are better because people 'pick up the poop' but it feels like some dog owners think that this gives them licence to completely take the piss in every other way that they can.
Dogs can be loyal and very rewarding companion animals they can be cute and funny and they enrich human lives but in so many ways they have become weaponized and are used to intimidate and invade the space of others ☹️

OrganicSmorganic · 09/03/2020 11:22

I have a puppy and as much as I love him there is absolutely no way I’d be taking him with me to stay with friends!

He’s an absolute nightmare and wee’s, poo’s and chews everyone and everything.

CF’s!

OP, you really don’t need to be justifying yourself so much in your post. Just say no.

fromdownwest · 09/03/2020 11:23

Dog owner here, and I would never ever assume I would take him to someones house. I always ask well in advance, and if I was going away I would arrange a dog sitter.

CF of the highest order.

Coming from 'one of those dog people'

ValedictoryMessage · 09/03/2020 11:24

They chose to take on a puppy and they have to deal with the consequences. They can book and pay for puppy friendly accommodation and realise they can't come to your house - and you can arrange to meet them for a dog friendly lunch or something.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/03/2020 11:24

That would be a big fat no from me, to the dog.

You don't say "we're bringing the dog", you ask if it would be possible. Most people should have the basic understanding that not everyone is as enamoured of their pet as they are, but I do know some people just aren't that clever.

Your DD should not have to put up with having her home invaded by something that makes her feel that uncomfortable - yes, it's annoying (I also have a dog-fearing child) and yes they probably should "just get over it" but quite honestly it is NOT the correct way to do it to force contact in her own home!

Tell them the dog is not able to come.

DesLynamsMoustache · 09/03/2020 11:24

I can understand a bit when you've had dogs for a long time and pretty much all your friends and family are dog lovers and owners too that you might forget not everyone likes dogs. My entire family and friend circle are dog people so it's always assumed the dogs come with and no one would check that's OK, but that's because we've all had dogs for ages and know that's the deal. A new puppy when going to visit people who don't have their own dog and have given no indication of being dog people? Weird.

Loubylou9162 · 09/03/2020 11:25

That’s very rude of them!
Tell them no your sorry but you can’t accommodate the dog.

We have 2 dogs, I love it when we go places that we can take them with us makes life so much easier but I’d never assume I would always ask would it be ok or often wait for someone to say by all means bring the dogs.
That being said, no matter how much I love my dogs I do also enjoy a weekend away without them, it’s a nice break from having to think about going for a walk and cleaning up after them.
There’s lots of options for pet care, kennels, home boarding in someone else’s home, someone coming to your home to care for your pet, family helping out.

Surely you consider these situations when you get your dog 🤷🏼‍♀️

NymphadoraBonks · 09/03/2020 11:27

Dog lover/owner/trainer here and YA absolutely NBU. They’re being incredibly rude. Just send one of the texts suggested and do NOT offer to pay towards anything!

lynzpynz · 09/03/2020 11:28

It's your house, you don't have to ask them not to bring their dog - they have to ask you if they can bring their dog.

You agreed to this prior to them changing the goalposts and they've just (wrongly) assumed you'll accommodate the change.

'I'm afraid you won't be able to bring the dog here, we are a pet free household for various reasons'. You don't owe them excuses but if you want to give them add 'DD is scared of dogs, not to mention we've recently had a lot of new flooring fitted'. Hope you can find an alternative solution and can still make the trip we have been looking forward to seeing you'.

MotherofTerriers · 09/03/2020 11:29

They presumably arranged the trip before they got the puppy. Puppies can't be left alone for long at all, so it may be a choice of bring puppy or cancel/postpone visit

Oldbutstillgotit · 09/03/2020 11:31

5% think you are unreasonable! Why ??

BossAssBitch · 09/03/2020 11:32

Very rude and entitled behaviour. I have two dogs and would always ask before I take them anywhere, although to be honest, I don't have friends who don't love dogs because people who don't like dogs don't have souls so it wouldn't be a problem, but I would always ask first.

I do think it's important that you tackle your child's extreme fear of dogs though.

Shinycat · 09/03/2020 11:36

@xQueenMabx @Mittens030869 @UYScuti

Thank you. Smile

I have also always been a dog lover in the past, and as I said, they can be wonderful and loving companions, but because of the number of appalling and careless and irresponsible dog owners I have experienced over the past 15 to 20 years, I have (sadly) gone off dogs. I would never have one now, and I DREAD getting a neighbour who has one.

We had a neighbour (a single middle aged man ) some 12-13 years ago, who had a dog, and he left it alone all fecking day. And it barked and barked and barked and barked and barked and barked and bloody barked!!!!!!!!!! ALL DAY.

Drove us all so bonkers that we reported him to the council. Me and DH did tell him a few times that his dog barked all day, but he did nothing about it.

The council sent him a warning letter, and within a few weeks, the dog was gone. Turned out he gave said doggy to his aunt who only worked 16 hours a week. She went on to keep it for 5 or 6 years til the dog died.

NymphadoraBonks · 09/03/2020 11:39

Be prepared for them to try to change your mind. Be polite but clear.

CF reply - “Oh that’s a shame. He’s only tiny and won’t be a problem”

You - “Sorry, no”

CF - “He’s very well behaved”

You - “Still no I’m afraid”

CF - “We'll bring a crate”

You - “Please stop asking”.

TealWater · 09/03/2020 11:41

Just send a text back saying 'Sorry, but not, we cannot have your dog here. Daughter is allergic and we have no room for the dog, and also are not allowed dogs here'.

CaptainBrickbeard · 09/03/2020 11:42

My son has a major fear of dogs. He’s severely allergic to them and close proximity to one gives him trouble breathing and he has to use an inhaler. It’s scary and upsetting for him. There are very good reasons for dog owners to always check before bringing their dogs places and there is not always an onus on a sufferer/parent of sufferer to ‘fix’ a phobia of dogs as is often suggested by dog enthusiasts here! Just understand that dogs are not welcome everywhere!

2Rebecca · 09/03/2020 11:42

One of my close relatives recently got a puppy. They are staying at home and inviting people to their house rather than travelling until the puppy is old enough to be left. We don't have dogs or cats in the house.

TealWater · 09/03/2020 11:42

That should be Sorry, but no, (not 'not')

Illberidingshotgun · 09/03/2020 11:43

Very rude and presumptuous. Just no, no no. Also very unsettling for a puppy, who will need a routine. When you get a puppy, you have avoid planning a holiday, trips away etc for a few months until they are older, settled, and you have arrangements in place for their care when you are away.

pigoons · 09/03/2020 11:46

Do not mention your DD reaction to dogs as a reason they can't stay- they will just then say something like 'oh but he's a lovely dog/really friendly and it will help your DD get over her fear of dogs'

And I disagree with PP about the need to address your DD fear of dogs. Best thing you can do is teach her how to stay safe around dogs ie not scream, don't run off and stay still. DS was scared of dogs with good reason (stupid incident with off lead dog) but is now 4 years later able to tolerate them because of repeated messages about staying safe around dogs and him realising that dogs have moods and can be stressed too

AryaStarkWolf · 09/03/2020 11:47

Puppies can't be left alone for long at all, so it may be a choice of bring puppy or cancel/postpone visit

They still need to ask not tell people and be prepared to have to cancel.

waterlego · 09/03/2020 11:47

YANBU. That’s ridiculous.

I really like dogs. We have a dog we all love to bits but I would never assume (or even ask) if I could take him to someone else’s home. He only comes with us if he is expressly invited!

Eddielzzard · 09/03/2020 11:47

I would NEVER presume to bring my dog, let alone a puppy! And no, you shouldn't pay for accommodation. You are well within your rights to say so sorry, no dog! And it's up to them to find somewhere else to leave it. Not your problem!

sunshineANDsweetpeas · 09/03/2020 11:48

Another dog owner here and I'd never presume to bring my dog to someone's house. Actually, if I'd arranged a weekend with friends I'd put them in a doggy hotel and not bring them.

Who on earth arranges a weekend away when they have a puppy!

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