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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask them not to bring their dog?

368 replies

Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 10:27

We have friends due to stay with us in a fortnight. It was planned a long time ago, and they've just dropped a text to us which includes the sentence "and we will be bringing our dog". I'd forgotten that they recently got a puppy.

The idea of the dog coming is really stressing me out. We've just had new carpets fitted and laminate through the house, and I am also quite nervous of animals. We are not really a pet-loving family (I like animals, just not close around me). My daughter also screams and gets very anxious when dogs come near her.

When my brother brings his dog for a day, they bring his cage and he spends time in there and also out in the garden. My daughter won't be in the room (or garden) if he's out of the cage. However, as they are staying for a long weekend, I think it's unreasonable to expect a puppy to stay in a cage and probably not practical.

My brother says he never just brings his dogs round to people's homes, without checking with them first. They live near relatives, so perhaps a relative could look after it? I'm unsure how to approach this?

OP posts:
champagneandfromage50 · 09/03/2020 11:06

CF Cheeky fucker

CornedBeef451 · 09/03/2020 11:07

You don't have to apologise or offer to pay for anything! It's is very unreasonable for them to think their dog would be welcome.

I wouldn't have any dog stay here, I just don't want one in the house.

OchAyeThaNoo · 09/03/2020 11:08

CF means Cheeky Fucker

cakeandchampagne · 09/03/2020 11:09

Regardless of the condition or size of your house, you can have the people as guests, but not their pets.

MindyStClaire · 09/03/2020 11:09

Please don't go into explaining why. It's not a meeting at a public place, it's your home and you're allowed keep it human only if that's your preference.

Besides, you know the reply you'll get if you say a DC is scared of dogs "Oh, but my dog is so lovely, they'll love it, he's just being friendly" etc etc etc. There isn't a workaround here, so don't open a dialogue. The dog isn't welcome, the people are.

champagneandfromage50 · 09/03/2020 11:09

Your guests are very rude to text and tell you there bringing there dog. I have a dog and I would never dream of bringing him along to someone elses home unless we had asked first. Not everyone likes dogs or wants dogs in there house. The fact they didnt ask and simply informed you says it all....

Shinycat · 09/03/2020 11:10

@Transformer123

YANBU.

We always had dogs when I was growing up, (pre 1990s,) and I loved my dogs. We always had one or two, and most people we knew seemed to have one or two dogs. They all seemed like good dog owners too, who walked them regularly, and always had someone at home to look after them.

Now, we have people working full time and then getting a dog and leaving it alone all day or dumping it on a dog-walker or doggy day care. And people getting big 10 stone rotties, and staffies and pitbulls that they can't control, just to look 'hard.' And people getting dogs and not knowing how to look after them, and letting them run wild, jump up people when they're out, shit anywhere they fancy, and bark all day in the house. And also the weirdos who think their bloody dog should come everywhere with them.

I used to love dogs and think, given the right care and treatment, they can be wonderful companions, but most people think it's their right to have a dog, and have no clue how to be a responsible dog owner. And I have to say, it's put me right off dogs.

Cats all the way for me. Had them for 17 years now. Would never go back to dogs. Whiny, attention-seeking, dirty, smelly, needy, noisy..... Not for me, nope!

Original poster
Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 11:10

Clucky - I do do what you just advised with my DD. We try to encourage her to stay calm and come close to stroke the dog. She often starts off calm, but it does not like them near her. So if the dog fusses, jumps up or chases she gets anxious and it escalates from there.

OP posts:
AllInADay · 09/03/2020 11:11

Say No.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 09/03/2020 11:11

I have three dogs of different sizes/ages/personalities and would never dream of taking any one of them to someone else's house. And although I love my friends' dogs I would be most put out if they came to visit with a dog.

Aneley · 09/03/2020 11:12

I too have dogs and wouldn't impose them on anyone in my wildest dreams. They are either watched by friends/family or in some cases put in a nice kennel or we don't go - but we have never EVER just assumed they'd be welcome to our friends' houses. That is indeed very cheeky.

Also, I agree with those who say you shouldn't make any extra arrangements/pay for accommodation etc - this is not a problem of your making.

Smellbow · 09/03/2020 11:12

I love dogs, dogs are always welcome in my house, but I would never take my dog to stay somewhere without the dog being specifically invited. How rude.

xQueenMabx · 09/03/2020 11:13

@shinycat absolutely this.

Sypha · 09/03/2020 11:13

"Hi CF friends, there seems to be a misunderstanding. Your puppy can't stay at our house, you'll need to make other arrangements. We're looking forward to catching up with you - anywhere special you fancy going while you're here? See you in a fortnight..."

AmelieTaylor · 09/03/2020 11:13

Yep. Go with the ‘dog free house’ line.

I love dogs, but I don’t like presumptuous people. I’d be glad if they decided to stay home! I definitely would not be paying for accommodation, or meals out (due to this)

The CF’s need to learn to ASK, not tell. They’re bound to have family/friends that will be inky too happy to have the ouppynfor the weekend (and equally glad to hand it back!)

salutationstou · 09/03/2020 11:14

OP doesn't have to justify why her daughter is scared of dogs, it's a valid reason, end of discussion.

Astrabees · 09/03/2020 11:14

If you don't want them to bring the dog just tell them. I do however think that they are not being CF in assuming the dog would be welcome. Those of us who have dogs - I've had dogs for 40 years - view them as being part of the family and for me the default position is that I'll take my dog everywhere with me unless I'm asked not to. It works both ways and I expect my visitors to bring theirs with them if they are coming to stay. i see no reason to assume the dog will be badly behaved unless you have been informed it will be.

They will probably just book the dog into kennels if you explain you don't want it to be included.

Mittens030869 · 09/03/2020 11:18

Cats all the way for me. Had them for 17 years now. Would never go back to dogs. Whiny, attention-seeking, dirty, smelly, needy, noisy..... Not for me, nope!

Lol, cats all the way for me too, I've had them ever since I became a home owner 18 years ago and I currently have 3. Grin

I've got nothing against dogs, in fact I've liked both the dogs that my DSis has owned (both golden Labs), though I'm less keen on the boisterous golden Lab that one of my close friends owns, as he's always very excited by my cat smell.

Anyway, as I said previously, my DH is allergic, so it's very easy to say no when one of my DDs says she'd like a dog.

VenusClapTrap · 09/03/2020 11:18

Cheeky fuckers. As others have said, do not offer excuses, just keep it simple and firm “Sorry, we can’t accommodate the dog.”

Otherwise they will ignore your protestations and inform you that their dog is special and different, your dd will love it and the carpets will be fine.

You are going to have to be crystal clear; don’t give them an inch.

OVienna · 09/03/2020 11:19

Dog owner here. Very, very cheeky to just assume they could bring their dog.

DesLynamsMoustache · 09/03/2020 11:19

Very rude to assume. We wouldn't go to spend a weekend without our dog generally (we do sometimes but it would generally have to be a fairly major thing like a wedding as my our dog-sitters are a good journey away), but we also wouldn't just assume she could come with us so if it was a weekend at someone's house we would thank them for their really kind invitation and say we can't leave the dog but they're welcome to come here, etc. or suggest some other alternative.

Coldemort · 09/03/2020 11:20

I had this with a friend years ago. It was a rented property and it was against the lease to have animals in the property.
Offered to put dog up on the garage, it had electric so said could leave light on/ heater etc.
Friend had a shit fit, didn't visit, and we've never really spoke since...

GreyhoundzRool · 09/03/2020 11:20

YANBU. I am a dog owner & dog lover but this sounds a disaster waiting to happen. Screaming children & excitable puppies are not a good mix !

babydungarees · 09/03/2020 11:20

I love my dog but would never just assume I could take him to anyone’s house. It also unsettles him going to new places so he can be a bit of a pain pacing around and whining until he gets used to where he is, so I’d always prefer to have a sitter in our house with him when we’re away. It’s an extra expense and it does limit us to how often we can go away & how long for, but it’s part of owning a dog & we’re prepared to make sacrifices to have him in our lives. Your friends are obviously excited by their new puppy and probably can’t imagine anyone not liking it, but unfortunately for them they need to realise the reality of pet ownership! YANBU at all.

Bluetrews25 · 09/03/2020 11:21

No way would I have taken my DDog as a pup to stay elsewhere! She would have chewed anything everything, and done excited wee sprinkles anywhere!

OP, please tell your DD that next time she sees a dog she should keep walking where she is going, not run, and most important of all, NOT LOOK AT IT. Making eye contact with a dog is interpreted by them as 'I want you to play with me' or seen as a challenge, which guarantees they will approach. Ignore the dog, it should ignore her. Please also tell her that most dogs don't want to run up to a stranger and take a bite out of them.
A dog shows her mood with her tail. Upright and still - angry, on guard. Swishing- playful. If they lie on their back and show you their tummy, they are submissive, and want a rub. If they crouch down, almost bowing to you, that means 'play with me'. A lick is a kiss.
I was very scared of dogs for a long time, learning to 'read' their body language helped me a lot. (As well as getting a dog for security reasons - I fell in love)
OP, you sound scared of dogs too. I hope you can both lose the fear one day.