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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask them not to bring their dog?

368 replies

Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 10:27

We have friends due to stay with us in a fortnight. It was planned a long time ago, and they've just dropped a text to us which includes the sentence "and we will be bringing our dog". I'd forgotten that they recently got a puppy.

The idea of the dog coming is really stressing me out. We've just had new carpets fitted and laminate through the house, and I am also quite nervous of animals. We are not really a pet-loving family (I like animals, just not close around me). My daughter also screams and gets very anxious when dogs come near her.

When my brother brings his dog for a day, they bring his cage and he spends time in there and also out in the garden. My daughter won't be in the room (or garden) if he's out of the cage. However, as they are staying for a long weekend, I think it's unreasonable to expect a puppy to stay in a cage and probably not practical.

My brother says he never just brings his dogs round to people's homes, without checking with them first. They live near relatives, so perhaps a relative could look after it? I'm unsure how to approach this?

OP posts:
PineappleDanish · 09/03/2020 10:44

Absolutely not. The very fact they announced it rather than asked if it would be ok tells you everything you need to know about their attitude to their animal.

Original poster
Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 10:45

Thank you, I just needed to see whether our instincts about saying the dog could not come were reasonable. I feel a bit mean! They may want to stay in alternative accommodation. I must admit that these are my husband's friends and I do find them generally a bit presumptuous about things. Perhaps we can offer to pay for the accommodation, or buy the meals out?

OP posts:
PunishmentSnart · 09/03/2020 10:47

Why would you offer to pay?

It's not your fault they have a dog.

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 09/03/2020 10:48

Just say you can't accommodate the dog and explain why. They've moved the goalposts, not you, so it's not your issue to sort out. they've been very cheeky.

I say this as someone with two dogs. I wouldn't dream of saying 'and we're bringing the dog...'

pumpkinpie01 · 09/03/2020 10:48

No don't offer to pay for their accommodation elsewhere there is no need for that, you have nothing to compensate for. Also a puppy is hard work and they may not want to leave it too long which would mean the weekend either revolves around going to dog friendly places or just going out for a couple of hours. Neither ideal for you, very rude of them.

AgentPrentiss · 09/03/2020 10:49

Do not offer to pay their accomodation, omg!!! They’re the CF for assuming they can bring a dog!!

People don’t like dogs in their houses for all sorts of reasons! I love dogs but can’t have one in my house.

They’re rude as fuck!

Sparklyring · 09/03/2020 10:49

Definitely do NOT offer to pay their accommodation. Just say no to the dog and let them deal with that how they see fit, whether that be not coming, leaving dog or staying elsewhere. Not your problem to sort out!

Original poster
Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 10:50

KaprenCrusty - if a dog comes close, she starts by walking/running away but then the dog obviously follows. When she realises she can't get away, it turns into screaming and running in a panic. Then it turns into not being able to be anywhere near it without panicking (like not entering the room).

I think it's quite common though, at our school dogs can not come near the school gates due to children being frightened - parents with dogs have to wait for their children a few metres away and can't come on the school grounds. I have not said anything to the school, so others must have.

OP posts:
whiskeylullaby2 · 09/03/2020 10:50

Perhaps we can offer to pay for the accommodation, or buy the meals out?

No, No! You do not have to pay for their accommodation. You just say -
''We were not aware you were bringing the puppy. We are not dog friendly household. We are looking forward to seeing you but unfortunately due to new flooring and our DC not being comfortable
with dogs, could you find an alternative option for the pup?'

Windyatthebeach · 09/03/2020 10:50

Would you expect them to pay for your childcare /food expenses?
Just get dh to message them saying unfortunately you can't host dpuppy but hope they are still able to come..
Cfuckery assuming you can accommodate a dpuppy!.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 09/03/2020 10:50

No way! It shouldn't cost you more because they think they should be able to bring their dog. They should have asked, and been prepared for you to say no, not just told you.

When you choose to get a dog this is one of the things you have to consider. It's their problem, not yours.

Fr0g · 09/03/2020 10:52

Unless it's an assistance dog - no, it's unreasonable of them to just say they'll be bringing him/her with them.
Suggestions that your friends find a dog friendly hotel/airbnb won't help - they may accept dogs, they don't expect people to leave the dogs alone in the property.
You're not being unreasonable - don't feel the need to make a long list of excuses.

UYScuti · 09/03/2020 10:52

Stop being so subservient you absolutely should not offer to pay for accommodation, their puppy their problem!
and please update us!!
we want to help you to deal with this but we also want to be entertained by the cheeky fucker responses😊

Whatsnewpussyhat · 09/03/2020 10:52

Not a chance in hell. Imagine puppy piss or shit all over your new carpets or it chewing stuff. Will they expect it to sleep on the bed etc..
Do not offer to pay for their accommodation.

Just say you would love to see them but unfortunately they cannot bring the dog.

Original poster
Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 10:53

Ok, so that's a 'no' to paying for accommodation. I just have a feeling they are going to say the can't leave it with relatives, and it would be a kind gesture rather than cancelling the trip.

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 09/03/2020 10:53

You don't need to justify why you don't want a puppy visiting. Just say you can't accommodate a dog. End of. They could find alternative accommodation that accepts dogs.

AryaStarkWolf · 09/03/2020 10:53

Perhaps we can offer to pay for the accommodation, or buy the meals out?

Why on Earth would you do that?

UYScuti · 09/03/2020 10:53

I'm expecting them to be very offended ...in their minds the puppy is equivalent to a child and so you have rejected their child

IntermittentParps · 09/03/2020 10:54

if a dog comes close, she starts by walking/running away but then the dog obviously follows.
It's not 'obvious' at all that a dog should follow someone who's walking away from them. You seem to know some badly handled/trained dogs (in other words, some poor owners), unfortunately.

Your friends have been very presumptuous in just announcing that they'll be bringing the dog. You don't need to pay for them to stay somewhere else, or do anything to sort it out for them.
I'd say something like what whiskey suggests.

HopeYouStepOnALego · 09/03/2020 10:54

Don't respond anything that gives any doubt or leeway. Tell them quite firmly that they will not be able to bring their dog and don't be embarrassed or shy about saying it. It is your home and you don't have to accept having someone else's dog there. It was rude of them to tell you they're bringing it rather than asking if it is ok to do so.

adaline · 09/03/2020 10:54

I just have a feeling they are going to say the can't leave it with relatives, and it would be a kind gesture rather than cancelling the trip.

But it's not your problem. They should have thought about things like this before they got a puppy. They're a big tie and unfortunately they do restrict your life.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 09/03/2020 10:55

I'm expecting them to be very offended ...in their minds the puppy is equivalent to a child and so you have rejected their child

It's ok to offend people like this Grin

AryaStarkWolf · 09/03/2020 10:55

I just have a feeling they are going to say the can't leave it with relatives

Bit silly of them to get a puppy then and also plan trips away

LolaDarkdestroyer · 09/03/2020 10:55

Don't offer to pay for accommodation!! You aren't the ones changing plans they are! They didn't have the dog when it was arranged...and they didn't ask! If they don't come they don't come it's their loss!

Greggers2017 · 09/03/2020 10:56

I'd just say to them that you wouldn't want the dog there, your house your rules.

I would however, look at working on your DDs fear. Screaming when a dog is around is not good and could startle a dog when out and about.