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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask them not to bring their dog?

368 replies

Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 10:27

We have friends due to stay with us in a fortnight. It was planned a long time ago, and they've just dropped a text to us which includes the sentence "and we will be bringing our dog". I'd forgotten that they recently got a puppy.

The idea of the dog coming is really stressing me out. We've just had new carpets fitted and laminate through the house, and I am also quite nervous of animals. We are not really a pet-loving family (I like animals, just not close around me). My daughter also screams and gets very anxious when dogs come near her.

When my brother brings his dog for a day, they bring his cage and he spends time in there and also out in the garden. My daughter won't be in the room (or garden) if he's out of the cage. However, as they are staying for a long weekend, I think it's unreasonable to expect a puppy to stay in a cage and probably not practical.

My brother says he never just brings his dogs round to people's homes, without checking with them first. They live near relatives, so perhaps a relative could look after it? I'm unsure how to approach this?

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 09/03/2020 11:48

Daughter is allergic and we have no room for the dog, and also are not allowed dogs here.

They really don't need to lie about it Hmm Or explain that the DD is afraid, or about the new flooring, or anything else.
Simply 'We can't accommodate the dog, unfortunately' is enough.

ScreamingLadySutch · 09/03/2020 11:51

Really cheeky of them.

"Sorry friend but we can’t have the dog to stay.

We’re not set up for it and DD has a fear of dogs which we are working on."

This.

IrmaFayLear · 09/03/2020 11:53

I am a huge dog lover and owner. And I would never presume to take dog to friends, even doggy ones.

To test the water one can say, "Oh, sorry, Brenda, we can't come because of the puppy." Then Brenda can say, "Do come anyway - bring the puppy!" Or "That's a shame, maybe some other time." But to impose a dog - particularly a bouncy/accident prone/needy puppy: never!

Isthistrueor · 09/03/2020 11:55

Extremely rude of them to assume you’d want a dog in your home, many people dislike dogs for a variety of reasons. You need to just be honest with them and tell them the dog can’t come.

Trunkysaurus · 09/03/2020 11:56

Would never go back to dogs. Whiny, attention-seeking, dirty, smelly, needy, noisy..... Not for me, nope!

You could replace "dogs" with "children" and your point would remain equally valid.

Trunkysaurus · 09/03/2020 11:58

@Oldbutstillgotit 5% think you are unreasonable! Why ??

It was statistically proven in June 2018 that 52% of the population are arseholes.

OnlyTheLangoftheTitBerg · 09/03/2020 11:59

Agree with all the other dog owners that this is ridiculously presumptuous.

Also agree that you don’t have to give any reasons or justifications beyond “I don’t want a dog in my house”. Don’t fall into that trap of feeling you have to apologise when you’ve done nothing wrong. If they’re normally this pushy they’ll see it as weakness and will keep pushing. A simple “sorry, you’re very welcome but you’ll have to make alternative arrangements for the puppy as this is a dog-free house” will suffice.

MsFrosty · 09/03/2020 12:00

I have 2 dogs and never presume. If anything I prefer not to take them as I'm nervous that they'll do something!

Bearski77 · 09/03/2020 12:00

YANBU at all!!! Especially if it upsets your daughter so much. My two boys couldn't cope with a dog in the house either.
This really annoys me when dog owners assume the whole rest of the world loves dogs and is totally fine having them around. My friend recently opened a holistic therapy business, and invited our other friend to her opening day celebrations, but he said he would be bringing his dog - not 'is it ok if I bring the dog?' just telling her he would be bringing him. So, obviously, a boistrous dog and a brand new freshly decorated calming aromatherapy suite do not mix, and she asked really politely if he wouldn't mind leaving the dog elsewhere. And to cut a long story short, he has blanked her ever since!!!! They had been friends for 20 years, and he's now told her it's probably best if their friendship ends. Madness!!!! I'm sure this won't happen with you, but they should definitely respect your wishes which are completely reasonable. Good luck!

qazxc · 09/03/2020 12:00

Nip it in the bud. Tell them that you didn't realize that they were thinking about bringing the dog too and that your house is not suitable or dog friendly and that DD is very scared of dogs.
Then they can make whatever arrangements they want : cancel, get dog minded by someone else, alternative accommodation,...
I would not be offering to pay for any alternatives, their dog/their responsibility.

Fuss · 09/03/2020 12:00

DD came to visit a few weeks ago with her pup. He's a lovely little chap, happy and settled..... in his own home.
In our strange environment he cried all night, peed everywhere bar his puppy pad and was generally disorientated.

Now I don't mind, because this is my daughter, but I could never presume that someone else would be as fine with this level of disruption.

No apologies are needed. 'Looking forward to seeing you but we cant accommodate the dog' will suffice.

Shittodayshottomorrow · 09/03/2020 12:01

No no no.
Not a household set up for dogs. Allergies, anxiety and the fact you don’t want a dog in your house are enough reasons.

canterburytales · 09/03/2020 12:03

I wouldn't have a dog in my house either. My girl is scared of them but that's not the issue- I have my house the way I want it, and it's pet (and fur and flea) free. I would just say no we can't accommodate the dog without a reason- it is your house. They should have thought about practicalities like this before getting a dog.

Menopauseandteensdontmix100 · 09/03/2020 12:05

We have a lovely well behaved good natured but hairy dog. I/we wouldn’t dream of bringing him round to anyone’s house let alone just assume it was ok.

Alexkate2468 · 09/03/2020 12:06

Yep, agree with others. Tell them you aren’t able to accommodate the dog. If never just talk someone I was bringing my dog. If always ask first and be completely understanding if they said no.

As an aside... it might be a good idea to actively work on your dds fear of dogs.

Floralnomad · 09/03/2020 12:08

It is irrelevant whether you and your daughter like dogs or not , you are not a dog household and are not set up for visiting dogs , if your guests don’t like that then they can choose not to visit . I have a dog but I won’t have other people’s dogs in my house because my dog doesn’t like them .

MuddlingThrough1724 · 09/03/2020 12:13

As a dog owner I wouldn't dream of taking my dog to stay at someone else's house. Even if they were invited to stay we wouldn't because it isn't relaxing for anyone, there is always the risk of damage or unpredictable behaviour regardless of how "well trained" a dog is and it is just bloody rude to assume people like your pets! They need to find some dog boarding, or cancel their trip!

JKScot4 · 09/03/2020 12:13

Very presumptious of them.
Your DDs behaviour isn’t normal or common, there’s no need for screaming and panicking at every dog, hows she ever going to enjoy the outdoors? Her carry on is likely terrifying any dog she encounters.

krustykittens · 09/03/2020 12:14

Who are these people who think it is OK to simply rock up with a pet to someone else's house?! I have three dogs, I wouldn't dream of bringing them to someone else's house and every dog owner I know visits without pets. The odd time someone has stayed for a cup of tea when they have their dog with them, they have always triple checked I am OK with having the dog in the house, even after being invited in. I find this behaviour of just turning up with an animal in tow, especially to a pet free house, staggeringly entitled and rude. Tell them no, OP, with no hint of the word sorry but you might lose them as friends, if they cannot see what utter tits they are.

annamie · 09/03/2020 12:16

I just have a feeling they are going to say the can't leave it with relatives, and it would be a kind gesture rather than cancelling the trip.

This is why they're presumptuous, because you are too nice! No puppy, no paying for accommodation or meals! If you do eat out, split the bill!!

Have you/DH let them know yet, OP? Would love to hear their response.

katy1213 · 09/03/2020 12:19

"Oh, no, you're not bringing the dog.' No explanations necessary.

user1494182820 · 09/03/2020 12:26

As a side note (I know it's not what you asked)...

DSD used to react very dramatically to dogs, she would squeal and flap, which just made the dogs more excited, as she seemed to be playing. We taught her to fold her arms (to stop the flapping), turn shoulder-on and stay quiet. This body language instantly made her far too dull for the dog to bother with, and giving her a specific set of actions to follow helped keep her calm.

I'm a massive dog lover, but would never impose my dog on somebody else's home, unless he was invited!

TowerRingInferno · 09/03/2020 12:26

I’m a dog owner with big, bouncy hairy dogs. I would never presume that I could take them to someone else’s house, even family members with their own dogs!

In fact, when my SIL had a puppy last year and asked if they could come and stay with the dog I said I’d rather they didn’t until it is reliably house-trained.

No need to justify it to them or get into a big discussion, just say no!

champagneandfromage50 · 09/03/2020 12:29

So have you responded to there text yet?

StSaulOfSnacks · 09/03/2020 12:32

Cheeky Puppy Fuckers.