to ask them not to bring their dog?

[Transformer123]

We have friends due to stay with us in a fortnight. It was planned a long time ago, and they've just dropped a text to us which includes the sentence "and we will be bringing our dog". I'd forgotten that they recently got a puppy.

The idea of the dog coming is really stressing me out. We've just had new carpets fitted and laminate through the house, and I am also quite nervous of animals. We are not really a pet-loving family (I like animals, just not close around me). My daughter also screams and gets very anxious when dogs come near her.

When my brother brings his dog for a day, they bring his cage and he spends time in there and also out in the garden. My daughter won't be in the room (or garden) if he's out of the cage. However, as they are staying for a long weekend, I think it's unreasonable to expect a puppy to stay in a cage and probably not practical.

My brother says he never just brings his dogs round to people's homes, without checking with them first. They live near relatives, so perhaps a relative could look after it? I'm unsure how to approach this?

@dexter6000 Harsh when you don’t even know the little girl. She’s hardly a little “princess” because shes scared of dogs Why should op get over herself either? There’s no way I’d have a puppy in my house with brand new carpets.

Shock horror no I’m not a dog person. Fwiw op I used to be terrified of dogs. I’ve no idea why I just didn’t trust them and couldn’t even be in the same room as them. My grandmas little bichon once escaped the kitchen and I screamed my head off. My mum always told me to stop being silly but I couldn’t help it. In my twenties now and I don’t love dogs but I’m not scared of them.

Wow. A lot of dog dislikes here. 😱. Little princess needs to meet a pup and get over herself. As does op.

Nice. It also isn't true. A lot of dog lovers are agreeing with the OP that her friends are CFs. I actually do like dogs, but I wouldn't be happy at having a dog foisted on me either, partly because my DH is allergic and partly because I have 3 cats.

In addition, my DDs (10 and 7) aren't afraid of dogs but they would get very over excited as well (especially DD1, who has SEN and adoption related attachment issues and doesn't cope well with the unexpected.

The defensiveness of a few dog owners (not the majority, I hasten to clarify) is astonishing.

A friend of mine used to bring her dog. It pissed up my wardrobe and shat upon my floor. It also scratched the window glass (gritty paws so the glass is badly scraped and completely ruined) when we put it outside in the garden. My friend had the audacity to deny her dog had done any of it and that the wardrobe corner was wet when they arrived . I was never quite sure who she blamed for crapping on the floor, instead of it being her dog.

Sorry - Didn't realise doggy was coming. We're not set up for dogs and DD is afraid of them - sorry.. Let's plan another time to visit if you need to stay home to pet sit. Kiss kiss.

I am guessing thewarrenerswife is being facetious! cowgirl your mum sounds...determined! Bet it's not a one off...

Even if op and op's dd LOVED ddogs, who volunteers for piss /poo stained carpets??
New carpets at that!!
Unless it's your own dpuppy..
In my current experience..

I really don’t understand some dog owners - the fact that they think that EVERYONE loves their dog. Had to sit in Starbucks this morning with a guy and his dog next to me and he started licking his bollocks in the sofa with a dirty foot on the table (the dog, not the man!) people are afraid of spiders and nobody tries to foist that out of people so why is it not acceptable for children to be afraid of dogs. My daughter does not like them, she has autism and doesn’t like the barking and jumping. Am I going to force her to start liking dogs? Absolutely not because... believe it or not... she could go through life without having to own a dog.

byathread20 - I agree with you. What you and @Cowgirl describe is
passive aggression; people pretending to love something while committing low level hostilities on others. It's got much worse of late. Decent dog lovers would never do this. Dogs are the perfect foil for pathological aggression.

The dog is its masters emissary .....it's a handy thing to have to do your dirty work for you
Feeling misanthropic, want to say a big fuck you to the world? Let your dog shit all over the outdoors that'll show them, or (for shits and giggles🤭) put the shit in a little bag and hang the little bag from a tree, yes that's right pretend to do the right thing but actually you're still saying a big fat fuck you to everyone hahahaha
🙄

I understand your point of view, if you haven't got animals.
If she doesn't want to leave him she should have cancelled, that's what I would do, not just put myself on someone. X

Just explain and be honest. As a dog owner - and my little pooch is a member if the family - I do appreciate that other people may not feel that same way. And honesty is the only way. X

Glad they are looking at other accommodation OP. I almost lost a friendship due to not wanting their new puppy bark and jump all over my then small children. Thankfully, they got over their fear caused by this incident. Not me, as I have had a dog phobia for over 40 years after being bitten as a toddler and then knocked to the ground by a "playful puppy" outside my school. It has been limiting and even after therapy I just try my best to stay clear of them. In time I am sure your DD will get over her fear with your support.

Nasty and inconsiderate people like @dexter6000 prove exactly why I am wary of dog owners and like dogs less and less. A 4 year old small child needs to 'get over herself'? I sincerely hope these dog owners don't have small vulnerable children if that is truly their attitude. Dog owners wonder why they have such a bad reputation.

It doesn't matter if its a hamster, it doesn't matter what your DD is scared or not scared of, its your house and its not their choice to bring an animal into it.

They sound like CF and poor dog owners; there is no way this weekend can work! Where are they going to leave that puppy whilst you are in restaurants or going to stately homes or whatever?! You can't leave a puppy alone in a hotel room or a car WTAF are they thinking?! Such bloody arrogance and complete disregard for the dog let alone your home.

When we've had puppies we've gone nowhere until they are able to be left for 4 hours so a fairly long build up. On rare occasions where we had no choice we got a dog sitter.

@OVienna unfortunately I don’t think @Thewarrenerswife was being facetious. Some people just think it’s acceptable to comment on other’s situations without any true understanding. FWIW I had said in advance that I wanted time on our own when we got home from the hospital (only for a few days) and after that visitors would be welcome. But when it came to it, this wasn’t respected and I was then pushed when I was at my most vulnerable. And yes you are correct that this was not a one-off.
My point was that the dog was neither discussed nor welcome in that scenario. Which to me just added to the disrespect.
But obviously wishing my child would grow up to hate me is an appropriate response.

@CowgirlBride I agree with you about Thewarrenerswife's post, it didn't come across as facetious. On the contrary, it's very typical of some dog owners these days. Although, judging by this thread, it's not the majority of dog owners, there have been a lot of dog owners who have told the OP that she wasn't being unreasonable and saying that her friends were CFs.

@CowgirlBride I'm afraid in that situation I would have hauled it to the back door with it's collar and banished it to the garden and given my mother the same choice. Leave the dog out of my house or join it. I hate hate hate ill mannered animals who won't obey. No way would I be okay with a pushy dog putting its face and paws up on me or my newborn.
I love dogs but I just don't want them in my home, particularly uninvited. They smell, leave hairs and often leave their slobber around too. It's a bit like smokers. They don't realise how stinky it is and how yellow their wallpaper turns until after they quit. I never considered my home being dog smelly at all when I had them but now? It's clear as day the moment you walk into a dog owner's house. It's not necessarily always a bad smell but no one can say they don't have an odour.

YANBU OP. I am a dog lover, and have one myself, but of friends were visiting, I would expect them to actually ASK if its ok to bring their dog, not tell me. Once when my dd was a baby, a friend of mine came to visit, and brought her collie. Fine I thought, I like dogs and it didn't bother my cats. However, as they were leaving, it was obvious the dog had pissed on my hall carpet and shat in the spare room. However my 'friend' tried to blame my cats! Then she flounced out without offering to clean. We are not friends anymore.

Excellent opportunity to help your daughter with this fear from you. Suggest long walks and chill its only a dog
More codswallop.
My ds didn't get his fear of dogs from me he got it from a shit owner who.let thier puppy jump all over him and scratch and nip.him. i couldnt get him near a dog for a long time then he thankfully grew out of it as he got older.

Forcing a bouncy, nippy puppy on a child who is scared of dogs is the last thing she needs.

Wow. A lot of dog dislikes here. 😱. Little princess needs to meet a pup and get over herself. As does op.

In case you hadnt noticed a load of dog owners are agreeing with op.
A scared child is not a "princess" christ i hope your kids dont have fears!

I have dogs and I dont think im entitled to bring them wherever I go.
Its a pet, not a child. Tbh, I wouldnt expect to be able to bring my children everywhere either, but certainly not my pets

Puppies can be very boisterous, loud and nippy, it's not a great idea to introduce a child who's sacred of dogs to a puppy.

I'm a dog owner, but I'd never assume I could bring the dog. I have friends who I know are not dog lovers so I'd never ask either. I'd get them booked into doggy care

Rude not to ask. Just tell you. You really need to sort your daughter out. Children who are scared of dogs cat animals ect are a pain.

I have a dog and wouldn’t dream of taking her to anyone’s house without an invitation.
For all those saying that children should just be forced to confront their fears, my DD was terrified of dogs for years. I am confident the reason is that my MIL insisted on making her be around her dog. The dog was excitable and barked v loudly and my DD would spend the visit in a state of panic. DD hated going and we ended up avoiding visiting her. The result is that she gets on well enough with MIL but isn’t close to her at all.

It isn’t irrational for kids to be afraid of dogs - dogs are as big if not bigger than children. A very significant number of dogs jump up too - it gives me the rage as we have trained our dog not to. Dogs jumping up small children is frightening for them.

YANBU OP your guests are CF