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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask them not to bring their dog?

368 replies

Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 10:27

We have friends due to stay with us in a fortnight. It was planned a long time ago, and they've just dropped a text to us which includes the sentence "and we will be bringing our dog". I'd forgotten that they recently got a puppy.

The idea of the dog coming is really stressing me out. We've just had new carpets fitted and laminate through the house, and I am also quite nervous of animals. We are not really a pet-loving family (I like animals, just not close around me). My daughter also screams and gets very anxious when dogs come near her.

When my brother brings his dog for a day, they bring his cage and he spends time in there and also out in the garden. My daughter won't be in the room (or garden) if he's out of the cage. However, as they are staying for a long weekend, I think it's unreasonable to expect a puppy to stay in a cage and probably not practical.

My brother says he never just brings his dogs round to people's homes, without checking with them first. They live near relatives, so perhaps a relative could look after it? I'm unsure how to approach this?

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 09/03/2020 18:18

Wither??
Would have!!!

Pixxie7 · 09/03/2020 18:39

I would contact them and tell them that your daughter is frightened of dogs so it won’t be convenient. Perhaps suggest that come for the day or reschedule when they can get someone to look after it.

loobylambchop · 09/03/2020 19:18

Don't agonise, just phone them and say they can't bring the dog & there's no need to explain,they shouldn't just assume it's ok. They should have asked you if it was ok anyway and not just said they were bringing it. It's your home ,you say what goes, simple as that.I'm a dog owner by the way& he's my fur child but I don't rock up to stay or visit where he's not welcome,that would be rude and awkward.

popsydoodle4444 · 09/03/2020 19:39

The dog being there will be very stressful for you and your DD.You'll spend the weekend on edge and it won't be enjoyable for anyone.

You'll have to be firm unfortunately and tell them straight out that your not prepared to have the dog in the house as your not equipped for it and your DD is scared.

They have alternatives they can pay for (not you).A pet sitter,kennels or alternative accommodation.Or they can simply not come.

1HappyTraveller · 09/03/2020 20:50

The absolute cheek.
YANBU, not in the slightest. Just tell them they can’t bring the dog. It’s nog fair on your daughter either.
Would tell them sooner rather than later so they can decide what they want to do.
Good luck

Ginfordinner · 09/03/2020 21:25

Cancel the cheque

Janus · 09/03/2020 21:51

Izzy - I have 2 (recently lost our third) dogs. I would never, ever, assume I could turn up at someone’s house even for an hour and bring my new puppy who would most likely wee or poo on their new carpets!!
Puppies also nip, they just do, they are learning how to not do this but they take time to learn that. It would quite possibly give your girl, OP, a real, serious phobia beng around a puppy. When you meet up it’s not going to be easy to keep your daughter calm if she doesn’t already like dogs, the puppy will likely jump up too. I’d choose somewhere outdoors with the understanding that if this doesn’t work for you and your daughter you go home and leave them to it.

DogOwnersSuck · 09/03/2020 22:10

That's dog owners all over. Are they worth having as friends...?

ZorbaTheHoarder · 09/03/2020 22:22

@DogOwnersSuck
With about 200 dog owners on this thread saying they would never just impose their dogs on anyone else, your comment of "That's dog owners all over" is a bit silly, don't you think?

AdobeWanKenobi · 09/03/2020 22:28

Ooh look. A goady fucker has decided to weigh in!
If only anyone would take you seriously...😉

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/03/2020 01:09

" It’s not normal for kids to be scared unless they are big dogs, and to be scared of a puppy is not a normal reaction for kids, normally they want to cuddle and play with them. I’d be worried there is something else going on there or the op has a fear that’s been transferred to the child."

What a load of cod.
Small kids, big dogs, big teeth - perfectly understandable how they might become scared WITHOUT blaming the parent, when you don't even KNOW if the OP has a "fear of dogs". Some children have good reason to be scared of dogs, some don't - some just don't like loud noises, or fur, or smells. Some have been bounced on, some have been rushed or knocked over - so MANY reasons why a small child would become scared of dogs.

Honestly.Hmm

CuppaZa · 10/03/2020 01:13

Friends are CFer’s!!! Angry
You don’t have to sugar coat it. Drop in that you can’t accommodate animals, just like they just dropped in they were intending on bringing their dog. Unbelievable

Hamsterian · 10/03/2020 07:00

They are cheeky for just assuming.
However you need to sort your daughter’s phobia. It’s quite obvious it comes from you. I’ve seen the same happening so many times, children picking up on the fears of their parents. You’re doing her a disservice.

Willow2017 · 10/03/2020 07:32

It’s not normal for kids to be scared unless they are big dogs, and to be scared of a puppy is not a normal reaction for kids, normally they want to cuddle and play with them. I’d be worried there is something else going on there or the op has a fear that’s been transferred to the child

Rubbish one of my kids was terrified if dogs precisely because someone let their puppy jump.up and rake their claws down his body and nip him when he was barely 2yr old.

However you need to sort your daughter’s phobia. It’s quite obvious it comes from you. I’ve seen the same happening so many times, children picking up on the fears of their parents. You’re doing her a disservice.
Nore rubbish. I had dogs of my own long before i had kids i wasn't scared of dogs. Phobias arent that easy i wish it had been that simple with my son! He grew out of his fear nothing else worked.

Marlox · 10/03/2020 07:43

Id say no to the dog but also be prepared for them to not be able to come. I have a dog that comes places with us, we ask first and aren't offended when people say no.

However it sometimes means that we cant go, as others around us might not be able to have her, their working styles might not fit or we are concious of not wanting to ask to regularly for dog care

To those saying book a travel lodge/air bnb obviously thats significantly more money that they might not be able to find, equally most places have rules (i know travel lofge does) stating dogs cant be left alone in rooms there. Equally depending on how old a puppy it is it might be unable to be left for more than 2/3 hours any how and by the time you've driven to a pub and back it might barely be cover a meal out.

None of this is your responsiblity though

weeklycubrun · 10/03/2020 07:46

All my kids were terrified of dogs when they were little. Which was a shame as both my husband and I love dogs. Although I'm allergic so we can't keep any in the house. It was very frustrating.
But they've grown used to dogs and not an issue now.
For anyone telling you it's not normal to have a fear that's total rubbish and don't pay any heed!!!!!
OP just say no. They shouldn't assume anything. If you need an excuse you could say you think lo has an allergy

notthemum · 10/03/2020 07:57

@CuriousAboutSamphire

This EXACTLY
Do not offer to pay for anything. Do not apologise or explain.
CFs. Looking forward to seeing you, however we didn't realise that you thought you could bring a dog. We do not have animals in the house. If this is a problem then suggest you find a hotel or air bnb and we could maybe meet up for lunch/dinner.
Don't get drawn into a discussion or backed into a corner. Your reply should be No.

Clymene · 10/03/2020 08:00

The OP has already said they're staying somewhere else

User12879923378 · 10/03/2020 08:04

I have a really sweet-natured, gentle, mature dog and I would never just assume that I could bring him to someone's house without asking.

Illberidingshotgun · 10/03/2020 08:09

I know it's been said before but...

Cancel the Cheque

nakedavengeragain · 10/03/2020 08:11

I feel the same way about kids. My friends seem to think they can bring those fuckers round without checking...

We have friends due to stay with us in a fortnight. It was planned a long time ago, and they've just dropped a text to us which includes the sentence "and we will be bringing our child". I'd forgotten that they recently had a kid.

The idea of the kid coming is really stressing me out. We've just had new carpets fitted and laminate through the house, and I am also quite nervous of kids. We are not really a child loving family (I like kids, just not close around me). My dog also barks and gets very anxious when children come near her.

When my brother brings his child for a day, they bring his playpen and he spends time in there and also out in the garden. My dog won't be in the room (or garden) if he's out of the playpen. However, as they are staying for a long weekend, I think it's unreasonable to expect a child to stay in a playpen and probably not practical.

My brother says he never just brings his children round to people's homes, without checking with them first. They live near relatives, so perhaps a relative could look after it? I'm unsure how to approach this?

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 10/03/2020 08:13

I see the issue has been sorted but just to add we got a puppy last year and would never assume to just take him to someone's house!

I love my dog but completely understand that other people may not.

Bonniegirlie · 10/03/2020 08:23

I have dogs and would never presume I could take them anywhere. That's just rude. I always ask people coming into my house if they are OK with dogs and will put mine in another room if they aren't, for whatever reason. At the most I would have asked if it was OK, but I would never have taken ours to anywhere as a new puppy, accidents happen. Don't be afraid to say anything, you won't be the only ones saying it to them if they just rudely announce they're bringing a puppy

Windyatthebeach · 10/03/2020 10:19

I once popped round to see my mate. As requested I took ddog. Very well behaved ddog.
Still did a huge shit on her new rug..

Like the time your generally well behaved dc shows you up I suppose!!

Ddog and visiting isn't good ime.
And cf guest +new dpuppy even less chance of going well...

siddons1 · 10/03/2020 10:36

I think they're being really presumptuous. I have a dog who is 7 and a half, very calm and quiet (never jumps up or barks) and has actually helped a lot of friends' children to reduce their fear of dogs.

I would still never assume that other people were okay with me visiting them and just bringing her along without checking first. When she was a puppy, I'd make sure she stayed with family so that it wasn't an issue, and now that she's older and there is no risk of accidents, I still only bring her if she is specifically invited to longer overnight stays, and if she has to be with us for day visits I get up early to walk her before we go to see people so I know that she'll sleep happily in the car.

Not everybody thinks dogs are great, and that is totally okay, even with a dog-crazy person like me who cannot resist puppies. And actually, even I wouldn't be super happy with a dog coming to stay unless I knew it or set some ground rules first. YANBU at all!

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