to ask them not to bring their dog?

[Transformer123]

We have friends due to stay with us in a fortnight. It was planned a long time ago, and they've just dropped a text to us which includes the sentence "and we will be bringing our dog". I'd forgotten that they recently got a puppy.

The idea of the dog coming is really stressing me out. We've just had new carpets fitted and laminate through the house, and I am also quite nervous of animals. We are not really a pet-loving family (I like animals, just not close around me). My daughter also screams and gets very anxious when dogs come near her.

When my brother brings his dog for a day, they bring his cage and he spends time in there and also out in the garden. My daughter won't be in the room (or garden) if he's out of the cage. However, as they are staying for a long weekend, I think it's unreasonable to expect a puppy to stay in a cage and probably not practical.

My brother says he never just brings his dogs round to people's homes, without checking with them first. They live near relatives, so perhaps a relative could look after it? I'm unsure how to approach this?

It's ridiculous to class children and dogs as the same thing - they are not. Yes some people may not like children but they aren't scared of them are they?! Not like the OP's child is scared of dogs!!

@nakedavengeragain

Very rude of them to assume it will be ok. I love dogs and my own but would hate anyone to assume they could bring theirs to my house

Say no. I don’t travel anywhere without my puppy and definitely definitely not without asking first! If she can’t be accommodated we book a dog friendly air bnb nearby!

As a mum who’s daughter is scared of dogs you need to make them aware that puppies are worse than older even bigger dogs as they are so bouncy and lovely. Just tell them you don’t want your daughter to feel uncomfortable in her own home. They shouldn’t even question it. If they try telling you how adorable it is then tell them to stay at home with it!

YANBU they are.

How utterly thoughtless.

I agree with the dog friendly hotel/BnB idea but I dare say your DD still won't be happy with a dog around.

That’s definitely something you ask if it’s ok not just assume you can! My PIL’s brought their dogs to stay and one shit on the kitchen floor twice and the other vomited on my hall floor! Black hair everywhere for weeks no matter how much I vacuumed and cleaned.
I’m not not a dog person, but I’m not a dog person. I’d never dream of taking a pet of any description to someone else’s house, even for a short visit for a few hours, without asking if it was ok!

We had relatives turn up to our daughter's 4th birthday party with their dog - not too large - collie size - jet black. She just said "You didn't say we couldn't bring so we brought her". 4 of the guests were really scared and I just said we would never have dreamt that you would bring to a small child's party and one child in particular is very distressed, you will have to drop her back home I'm afraid. They did but didn't return to the party. I think it's really inconsiderate to impose your pets on other people. If they know you have a dog and accept an invitation to your home, that's fair enough, but to presume everyone wants a dog visiting when they have children and other guests is just bloody rude and selfish!

OP - their dog, their responsibility, not yours!

Fully prepared to be told off and this is quite unhelpful But no asks me if they can bring their kids to my house - along with paraphernalia that goes it! It does unsettle my dog but we live with it! Your house your rules so if you are not comfortable with the dog say so... I am going to take my own advise and say so with people who bring their kids into my home and my new carpets!

Your house, your rules. I don’t like dogs in a house but I respect that some people do that and I don’t mind that in other people’s homes. Not in ours though. Similar situation happened 4 years ago when I didn’t want my sister in law to bring her puppy to stay in our house for several days. She is still not talking to me. I guess every cloud has a silver lining

You ANBU. We have a 7 month old puppy and wouldn’t dream of imposing on friends. We’d sort a kennel out for the weekend. There’s no way you’d want it on your carpet. Ours doesn’t even go in our carpeted room ! I would however work on your child’s phobia. I had one and I got a dog do my kids wouldn’t have one no no longer have one either. Try to introduce your child to dogs that are child friendly.

YANBU
As much as your DD fear ought to be addressed, in such that it seems to be related to your own. That’s not the subject of the day.
You should absolutely never assume that it’s okay to bring a dog, cat, bird, snake or alien with you when you travel, without first checking that it’s okay.
You need to address this and explain that your house is not pet friendly and that you would never have agreed to put them up if they had stipulated this initially.
Yes, they have a tough decision here, but that’s their problem, not yours! Stick to your guns!

Your home, your rules. Just tell them you cannot accommodate a dog and your DD is terrified of them.

OP reply with sorry I forgot you’d bought a dog since we arranged the weekend, we’ve got no where to keep a dog. If you can’t leave dog with someone we can re book when it’s old enough for kennels

Hell no!! Definitely make it clear dog is NOT welcome - it’s your home!!

@August1980 total codswallop!! You’d know if people were coming with kids

But no asks me if they can bring their kids to my house

Your friends don't suddenly produce children out of the blue though. You know perfectly well that inviting friends with children for a weekend would mean inviting the children as well. An evening party is a different matter entirely.

That's cheeky. I'd be saying no. You can't assume that you can take your dog to someone's home! I've got 3 cats, but if not the answer would still be no!

I love animals, well ok cats, but this is asking too much. I'd ring them and say no to the puppy.
Puppies are unpredictable it would be like me saying I'm bring my 18 year old incontinent cat you don't mind do you?
Quite ridiculous.

They are CFs for announcing Instead of asking if they could bring their dog. You definitely don’t want a puppy as they have accidents often and could ruin the carpets. Just tell then you can’t accommodate a dog and your daughter is also afraid of them. Let them figure out whether to have someone look after it or find pet friendly accommodations.

I love animals especially dogs but there is no way I would take a puppy to stay at someone else's house. I know from experience how messy and destructive they can be. Crates are great for overnight or leaving it for short periods but you can't keep a puppy in one for a longtime, it would be cruel.

Who would expect parents to ask if their children could come for a planned visit? Where are they supposed to go if you say no? Parents go with kids, obvs, but you need to ask if you can bring a pet. We do, or arrange for a family member to look after her if we know the hosts aren't animal people or wouldn't be best pleased.

Excellent opportunity to help your daughter with this fear from you. Suggest long walks and chill its only a dog

Absolutely not unreasonable. They should make other arrangements.