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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask them not to bring their dog?

368 replies

Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 10:27

We have friends due to stay with us in a fortnight. It was planned a long time ago, and they've just dropped a text to us which includes the sentence "and we will be bringing our dog". I'd forgotten that they recently got a puppy.

The idea of the dog coming is really stressing me out. We've just had new carpets fitted and laminate through the house, and I am also quite nervous of animals. We are not really a pet-loving family (I like animals, just not close around me). My daughter also screams and gets very anxious when dogs come near her.

When my brother brings his dog for a day, they bring his cage and he spends time in there and also out in the garden. My daughter won't be in the room (or garden) if he's out of the cage. However, as they are staying for a long weekend, I think it's unreasonable to expect a puppy to stay in a cage and probably not practical.

My brother says he never just brings his dogs round to people's homes, without checking with them first. They live near relatives, so perhaps a relative could look after it? I'm unsure how to approach this?

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 10/03/2020 18:45

Excellent opportunity to help your daughter with this fear from you. Suggest long walks and chill its only a dog

Not if it’s a puppy, they’re all needle sharp teeth and claws.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 10/03/2020 18:45

It bugs me when people get pets but don't really consider what they'll do with them when travelling. It's part of the responsibility. Angry

Thewarrenerswife · 10/03/2020 18:46

I think it’s totally in reasonable to expect to take your dog when staying with friends. We have dogs, but would never dream of asking, and certainly wouldn’t presume.

My daughter also screams and gets very anxious when dogs come near her - this is weird though, and limiting for her. Do none of her friends have dogs? Dog friendly pubs, parks, shops, and even dog friendly work places in the future will be a challenge for her.

beeline · 10/03/2020 18:51

I’m clearly in the Old Fashioned category and do not have suburban carpets. If the puppy is kept in a cage overnight and has been house trained and taken out by it’s owners for regular exercise ( I board dogs), that is absolutely fine.

BengalGal · 10/03/2020 18:52

My daughter was terrified of dogs til about age 9. She did have a bad experience age 1. I tried to get her to tackle her fear with neighbor dogs. No luck. But even she outgrew her fear and she wanted a dog for her 13th birthday.

beeline · 10/03/2020 18:53

Btw your daughter will probably fall in love with the puppy, all children and puppies do the love thing, have two here now. It says more about your attitude to dogs xx

Insanelysilver · 10/03/2020 18:53

I am a real dog person and I absolutely hate leaving my dog so I tend not to go anywhere much. Leaving a puppy is really awkward.
Having said that, I think it’s a real cheek for your friends to announce they’re bringing a puppy !
I’d never dream of doing that.
If they can’t come without the puppy which I totally get, they need to ask how you feel about it. And postpone if you’re not ok with it, They can’t just assume it’s fine for you to get your carpets soiled. And the chance of it with a puppy is high.

Darls3000 · 10/03/2020 18:54

Use the allergy line. People often don’t understand when others don’t love dogs as much as they do. But what they can’t argue with is allergies. Say your DD is allergic.

starfishmummy · 10/03/2020 19:01

Heck no. When I was a teen I will never forget a relative bringing their young dog - not a puppy - who decided to wee all over the living room. Yuk!

StoneofDestiny · 10/03/2020 19:02

No way would I let a dog (or cat) into my home. If somebody doesn't get that - I'd just tell them I am allergic to animal fur/hair or whatever.

cherish123 · 10/03/2020 19:17

I have a really well behaved dog but would never take her to someone else's house overnight unless they insisted.

H007 · 10/03/2020 19:29

YANBU but fully expect them not to come if they can’t bring their new puppy.

Nomorechickens · 10/03/2020 19:48

OP have you made it clear.that the puppy is not allowed in your house at all?

Catwaving · 10/03/2020 19:49

My guess is if you say no, they won't come and stay, so be prepared......depends how much you want to see them really

VeeJayBee · 10/03/2020 19:49

Totally out of order to say they’re bringing the dog and not ask you. I’d reply, oh, didn’t know you were planning to bring the dog. We just can’t accommodate a dog. Is there anywhere else he/she can stay? And Don’t apologise once!

Localocal · 10/03/2020 19:50

My youngest was very nervous about dogs too. Between you soothing your daughter and them taking care of the puppy (puppies are apparently treated like babies nowadays - watched and played with every minute) you won't have time to enjoy the visit.

user1467536289 · 10/03/2020 19:59

A friend turned up with her new pet - a Great Dane - he was a rescue dog - 6 months old. He was the size of a large Shetland pony and extremely excitable. He jumped on everyone, sniffed everyone in an invasive fashion, and he was dominant. He was a baby in a massive body. I was totally floored by the visit. She arrived with no warning - just thought we'd like to meet him! If you are prepared for a great Dane that would have been fine - we weren't :-(

Wilkie1956mog · 10/03/2020 20:04

They are being very presumptive and also rude. Tell them politely that you are sorry but the dog can't come.

dexter6000 · 10/03/2020 20:15

This reply has been deleted

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Merryweather80 · 10/03/2020 20:18

Part of pet ownership is realising that not everyone will adore it as much as you do. If they find alternative accommodation it will still be with you and dd during the day, which will upset your daughter.
Surely the most responsible thing to do would be to find a kennel or pet sitting service at their own home.
Your poor daughter will be a nervous wreck spending the weekend in the company of the puppy. She may well be nipped, scratched or pee'd on which really wont help her to interact with dogs better.
They need to keep their puppy away from her, otherwise I can foresee you and her being on tender hooks all weekend trying to reassure her etc.
Surely that's the most sensible option for all involved?

Catwaving · 10/03/2020 20:28

Definitely something about mumsnetters and being precious about carpets. Same totally shocked and extreme reaction from almost everyone when there was a discussion about people have the audacity to expect to be able to wear bloody SHOES in the house!

MarvellousMonsters · 10/03/2020 20:36

Did they have the dog when the visit was arranged?

If they did then YABU, you can’t just leave a dog for a weekend, dogs need looking after and company, they aren’t like cats that can be left with a bowl of food and left for a night or two.

If they didn’t have the dog when the visit was arranged then YANBU, because they have changed the situation and shouldn’t assume that you can accommodate their dog (it’s a puppy? Is it even house trained??) Even if you had space for the crate, you can’t just shut it in a crate all day, it needs to play, move, wee etc.

Deckchair1009 · 10/03/2020 20:40

I can’t believe they just told you and didn’t ask first! I LOVE dogs but your house and most importantly, your daughter comes first. As for everyone suggesting “tactfully” state or request or suggest. They showed no tact or consideration so they’re obviously down to earth and should expect as direct an answer back. Saying that, I have a family legend that involved an old uncle houseguest and his dog “love me, love my dog” and the saga got very spiteful and petty...

UYScuti · 10/03/2020 20:45

Little princess needs to meet a pup and get over herself. As does op
Confused wtf??

CowgirlBride · 10/03/2020 20:48

What is it with dog owners assuming that their dog will be welcome everywhere they go? I had this just after I gave birth to DS. My mum pushed and pushed to come see us as soon as I came out of hospital and I caved even though I wanted some time to get settled. It wasn’t until she was in the area that I realised she’d bought her (VERY naughty, untrained) dog with her. She hadn’t discussed this in advance and in my post-baby brain addlement I didn’t think of it! We’d also only just got a cat (which my mum knew!) who was totally traumatised by the dog. I spent the whole time she was here trying to defend the baby from the dog or protecting it from the cat or trying to stop it jumping up and putting its paws where my stitches were! So stressful!! She was also staying in a travelodge but wouldn’t leave the dog there in case it damaged something!