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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask them not to bring their dog?

368 replies

Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 10:27

We have friends due to stay with us in a fortnight. It was planned a long time ago, and they've just dropped a text to us which includes the sentence "and we will be bringing our dog". I'd forgotten that they recently got a puppy.

The idea of the dog coming is really stressing me out. We've just had new carpets fitted and laminate through the house, and I am also quite nervous of animals. We are not really a pet-loving family (I like animals, just not close around me). My daughter also screams and gets very anxious when dogs come near her.

When my brother brings his dog for a day, they bring his cage and he spends time in there and also out in the garden. My daughter won't be in the room (or garden) if he's out of the cage. However, as they are staying for a long weekend, I think it's unreasonable to expect a puppy to stay in a cage and probably not practical.

My brother says he never just brings his dogs round to people's homes, without checking with them first. They live near relatives, so perhaps a relative could look after it? I'm unsure how to approach this?

OP posts:
Branleuse · 09/03/2020 15:42

Id reply and say Im really sorry and this is very awkward but you had no idea they were bringing the dog and its just not going to be possible as not only have you just had new carpets laid, but your daughter doesnt like dogs. Is there anyone else you can leave him with, or would you prefer to rearrange for when the dogs a bit older and can be left?"

ihaveaquestionplease · 09/03/2020 15:43

You can just as easily substitute the word 'child' here.

Yes, because dogs and humans are exactly the same.

Zombiemum1946 · 09/03/2020 15:50

Just saw the change of accommodation post. That's great, my dc was scared at that age as well, but subsequently fell in love with my friends dog that we used to take of.

IntermittentParps · 09/03/2020 15:54

Yes, because dogs and humans are exactly the same.
I didn't say that.
My point stands.

Bluntness100 · 09/03/2020 15:54

To be clear, I always think people should ask if they can bring their dogs.

The op has said no. They are finding suitable accommodation. Clearly they should have asked, as they have wrongly assumed the puppy was welcome.

They also need to rethink the weekend. Because the dog needs to come with them, they can’t leave it too long.

I would urge the op to try to introduce her child to the dog though. It’s not normal for kids to be scared unless they are big dogs, and to be scared of a puppy is not a normal reaction for kids, normally they want to cuddle and play with them. I’d be worried there is something else going on there or the op has a fear that’s been transferred to the child.

Bibijayne · 09/03/2020 15:56

I love my dog. But you always assume they cannot come and ask/ make arrangements for someone else to look after them.

NymphadoraBonks · 09/03/2020 16:00

If they lie on their back and show you their tummy, they are submissive, and want a rub

Not necessarily.

A lick is a kiss

No it isn’t.

helpme7 · 09/03/2020 16:03

@Ginfordinner get it fine, which is why I said she's not BU. However, some people have dogs and think of them like their children. If I couldn't bring my dog to a friends when we were invited I'd say sorry I can't come, I'm not going to put my dog in a kennel for a night at a mates. That's my choice just like it's theirs to not allow the dog.

It is absolutely worrying that DD is scared of dogs, this is a fear that, unless she was attacked by a dog, needs to be dealt with head on. Allowing her to remain fearful is just poor IMO.

Children are definitely messier than dogs, that's just fact.

Alsohuman · 09/03/2020 16:16

The last thing a child who’s afraid of dogs needs is exposure to the excited little bundle of teeth and claws that a puppy is. My take would be that the guests need to find really good kennels and start the dog getting used to going there.

You really should start to help your daughter conquer her fear though, OP. Gradual exposure to an older, calm dog would be the way to do it. A puppy would be a disaster.

Mittens030869 · 09/03/2020 16:22

They should have waited until after their stay with you to get a puppy. I've always been very careful when I've got myself a new kitten not to do it when there's a weekend away planned not long afterwards. One time I arranged to bring a kitten home immediately after some time away.

And whenever we go away, I book them into the cattery or pay a cat sitter in good time. It's part of being a pet owner.

These friends clearly didn't think ahead to ask themselves what they would do about the puppy if you didn't want it in your house. So it might well mean that they're genuinely unable to come, as finding someone to care for a puppy can be tricky.

Figgygal · 09/03/2020 16:25

My 8yo has a pathological fear of dogs due no reason whatsoever there’s no way he’d tolerate a dog in the house and as it’s his home that would be it for me
Glad they’re looking for alternatives

Guardsman18 · 09/03/2020 16:29

I love my big, hairy, Goldie but I wouldn't want friends coming to my house with a puppy. They are a full time job!

What sort of weekend were you planning OP? Everything will revolve around the puppy - I can promise you.

Willow2017 · 09/03/2020 16:35

You can just as easily substitute the word 'child' here.
Please! Having a child doesnt mean you cant visit with people because of the potential that they will spend 2 days destroying thier new furniture/furnishings!

mbosnz · 09/03/2020 16:37

If I invite someone to stay, and they have kids, I understand that their kids are part of the invite - we don't have kennels for kids, and not everyone has family and friends to farm them out to.

If someone I invite has a dog, I expect them either to put the dog in kennels, or ask if they can bring their dog. If someone tells me they are bringing their dog without having checked it with me first, the answer is likely to be 'no you're not'. Mainly because my cat is dog averse, and I'd worry that someone with manners that poor would be likely to have a poorly mannered dog as well.

user68901 · 09/03/2020 16:40

I’m surprised they even want to go visiting friends if they’ve got a small puppy.

IntermittentParps · 09/03/2020 16:40

Having a child doesnt mean you cant visit with people because of the potential that they will spend 2 days destroying thier new furniture/furnishings!
Children can absolutely destroy furniture.

Xmasbaby11 · 09/03/2020 16:49

Absolutely yanbu. I have a few friends with dogs and they would never try to bring them over.

You can't compare people to animals! Although there are also times when bringing children isn't appropriate - adult events, some weddings etc

Mrskeats · 09/03/2020 16:52

I cannot stand parents who encourage their kids to scream at animals.
Ridiculous.

MisguidedAngel · 09/03/2020 16:53

@shinycat

" Whiny, attention-seeking, dirty, smelly, needy, noisy..... Not for me, nope!"

You'd hate my OH .....

BaronessBomburst · 09/03/2020 16:59

I think the analogy with children was pretty fair.

I've got friends whose offspring aren't welcome in my house either! Grin
I always arrange a meet-up elsewhere.

UYScuti · 09/03/2020 17:16

You could replace "dogs" with "children" and your point would remain equally valid
it is a common response when people complain about dogs, ie that children are equally objectionable in their behaviour.
However (apart from all the others ways that dogs are NOT analogous with children) children, by and large do grow up and participate in society, they perform all sorts of useful paid and unpaid work.
Dogs, apart from a small number of working animals (and I am not trying to minimize the role of these animals) do not, they are never more than a kind of hobby or indulgence for the owner, and for everyone else a cute funny distraction, or (where the dog is unlucky and has dysfunctional owners) a menace and a nuisance:(

oohnicevase · 09/03/2020 17:26

You need to be aware that they can't leave the dog at any time so will have it with them when they are with you which involves the house ..
you need to make it clear the puppy cannot come into your home at any point over the weekend .. I LOvE dogs but I don't want one in my house especially a puppy with new carpets . If it wees ( which it no doubt will because it's scared ) that smell will be there forever !

maddy68 · 09/03/2020 17:37

I would say.

"Oh god I had assumed you had made arrangements for the the dog. As we've just had new carpets (and we are being very precious I know ) I have looked into local kennels near us. I wondered if that found he a good compromise. You could see it every day during your stay ?
Obviously if you want to raincheck the visit for another time I completely understand ..etc etc

sandyfoot · 09/03/2020 17:58

What maddy68 said.

YADNBU. And I say that as a big dog fan.

Willow2017 · 09/03/2020 18:17

As pp have said op would have known that they had kids and wither invited them or not.
Just telling someone "We are bringing our dog." Is not on its not thier decision to make.

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