To find this very hurtful? Trigger warning.(baby death)

[Tillygetsit]

I'm lying in bed sobbing and I have to share this and anonymity seems good atm.
On Thursday at 08:17 I gave birth to my fourth child, a beautiful baby boy with Downs Syndrome. Unfortunately he had a severe heart defect and died at 12:24.
This has obviously ripped mine and dh's hearts apart. Almost every health professional, family member and friend has said words to the effect that his passing is probably a blessing in disguise due to his Downs Syndrome and having 3 other children under 10.
I cannot tell you how offensive I find this. I know people are trying to comfort me with a perceived silver lining but that is not how I see it. So far I have managed to not bite anyone's head off but can feel that the next person to say it (or say it again as in the case of my MIL who has said it over and over) will get it both barrels.
How do I react to this?

So sorry for your sad loss OP.

I'd tell these thoughtless idiots that your son has died and nothing about that is a blessing so could they please refrain from saying such a hurtful thing to a bereaved parent.

I'm so sorry for what you and your family have been through, I can't imagine your pain. You are absolutely not unreasonable and I think its absolutely fucking disgusting that anyone has said that to you.
I hope you and your partner find a way through the pain in time.

Completely not the right thing to say. DD1 died as a baby and had Turner's. So sorry to hear your news.

What was his name?

I am so very sorry for the loss of your son.

I am so sorry for your loss ❤️❤️

People really can be thoughtless idiots can’t they?
I’m so sorry for your loss. What was your beautiful boys name? If you’d like to tell us.

I am sorry for the loss of your son and your DC's baby brother.

It might be a good idea to stop visitors for a while. Keep remembering your mil cares about you and is saying this because she can’t see you hurt - I am positive she doesn’t mean it.

I am so sorry for your loss. The comments are thoughtless and hurtful. I'm not suprised you're upset. Sending you huge hugs xxxxxx

I’m so sorry for your loss

People are so insensitive. When our baby was stillborn at 26 weeks, we were told over and over that it was "better" than having a child with something wrong with them. Funnily enough, I didn't feel at all "better" standing behind his coffin in a crematorium

I'm so sorry for the loss of your darling boy

Tillygetsit I'm so sorry for your loss

Please feel free to tell anyone who says this exactly what you think of it. So sorry for the loss of your lovely baby boy .

I am so sorry. Your poor boy. What was his name?

Tbh I think a well placed "are you trying to make this time even worse or are you just incredibly thick as well as insensitive?" or even an "are you FUCKING JOKING?" wouldn't go amiss here.

💐 for you. This is hard enough.

Sorry for the loss of your baby boy.

@Tillygetsit I am so, so sorry for the loss of your son. And to be honest, I think you are very much allowed to bite the head off anyone who says anything like that.

So sorry for the loss of your precious boy.

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy.

Literally cannot believe anyone voted YABU!
so sorry for your loss. I'm sure you would have cherished this baby just like your other children. Why would Down's Syndrome make you love your baby any less? People can be so nasty sometimes. Honestly I'd be tempted to tell it like it is and let them get offended because then I wouldn't have to listen to them.

I'm so sorry. There's no "at least..." or any other platitudes that are appropriate when you lose a child.

I suggest that you practice in your head a reply, telling them that your son has died and you're not interested in anything that implies that this is for the best. Then the next time someone says something insensitive you have it ready.

Sending you

I'm so sorry for your loss. People just dont think. When my dd passed away at 8 hours old people would say things they thought were comforting, but they were hurtful.

I'm so very sorry. People say the most awful things, possibly in a clumsy attempt to help, but also possibly because some people are just arses.

What was your precious boys name?
What colour where his eyes and hair? Did he have long legs or long fingers or toes like you or Dh?
Would you like to tell us about him? Sending hugs {flowers}

I am so sorry. 💐 There is no blessing in losing your beloved child.

Any child is a blessing, any child passing is devastating. Your wee lad was too precious for this world and too good and pure for the thoughtless.
When a child is not born "perfect", ignorance makes people comment without thought, comments that indicate that his life and your love for your baby are irrelevant, that the child would cause issues and life will be easier for you without him. Try justifying that to parents that have gone through nine months of hope, of planning, of anticipation, of excitement, hours of labour, a brief look at their beautiful creation before saying goodbye. Before leaving a hospital alone with nothing to show for your time there. Before going home and trying to keep your chin up for the sake of the children. Hiding the tears and the emptiness. Trying not to scream with the sheer grief and unfairness of it all. Trying not to explode at those who want to write him out of your life.
It is not a blessing he died. It was a blessing he lived, long enough to know he was loved.
Share these memories with your children. Let them know they had a little brother who couldn't stay. Keep him part of your family and by doing so, keep the memory of your precious baby alive with those that matter.