To find this very hurtful? Trigger warning.(baby death)

[Tillygetsit]

I'm lying in bed sobbing and I have to share this and anonymity seems good atm.
On Thursday at 08:17 I gave birth to my fourth child, a beautiful baby boy with Downs Syndrome. Unfortunately he had a severe heart defect and died at 12:24.
This has obviously ripped mine and dh's hearts apart. Almost every health professional, family member and friend has said words to the effect that his passing is probably a blessing in disguise due to his Downs Syndrome and having 3 other children under 10.
I cannot tell you how offensive I find this. I know people are trying to comfort me with a perceived silver lining but that is not how I see it. So far I have managed to not bite anyone's head off but can feel that the next person to say it (or say it again as in the case of my MIL who has said it over and over) will get it both barrels.
How do I react to this?

My thought are with you and your family as you mourn the passing of your beloved son

You are a better person than I not to have bitten the MIL's head off already OP. A person saying it once as a clumsy way to console is one thing, but for a family member to say it over and over is quite another. Tell her to stop it. I am so sorry for your loss

I’m so so sorry to you and your family. I too would have let rip by now and I wouldn’t care who I offended in the process x

As a health professional myself, working in midwifery, I am deeply ashamed that a fellow HCP could thing any baby dying could be seen as a blessing, that is truly shocking. You have my deepest sympathy, it is a loss like no other.

This is possibly one of the most awful things I have ever read. People just shouldn't open their mouths other than to sympathise. Their view is wrong on every single level. I'm afraid if it was me I would let rip.

I am so sorry you have lost your beautiful baby OP

So sorry for your loss. Their comments are totally insensitive and inappropriate.

I am appalled and can't believe that anyone would say such a thing. I'm so sorry for your loss I hope you are okay and manage to pull through this x

I’m so very sorry for your loss. YANBU for feeling upset by these “well meaning” comments.

So sorry for your loss ♥️

Wow. Sorry for not responding sooner. I hit send then couldnt face looking at the replies until now. I am bowled over by your kindness.
People say mn can be a cruel place but this immense support has proved what a wonderful place it can be.
Thank you so very much.
We're sort of managing. No visitors today which has been fantastic. Just the 5 of us snuggled on the sofa watching Jungle Book and Wall E (again)
My boy was called Asa Bram. We chose his name as it was easy to say and spell and fitted with the other dc who all have biblical names with an s in the middle. We're not religious, just like those names.
He had wispy strawberry blonde hair and big ears, goodness knows where from. He was beautiful.
Ds is gutted. He was so looking forward to being a big brother and said hes sick of smelly girls. A few more years and that will change I suspect. Sorry for gabbling on.
Thanks again for the love. ❤

Oh he’s sounds delicious. I love his name. X

I’m so so sorry for your loss OP your baby boy sounds just beautiful, I cannot imagine your pain. I know you’ve said you’re not religious, but I genuinely believe you will be reunited with your beautiful boy one day xxxxx

Oh OP I remember your name thread - you wanted a name that would be easy for Asa to say. I'm so sorry you lost him.

Rest in peace Asa Bram, you are very very loved.

Rest in peace, Asa Bram. You are so loved.

I’m so terribly sorry for your loss.
I think you would be very justified to tell your MIL ‘please stop, your commentS are causing me/us more hurt’, you can say it gently so she gets it.
He sounds a gorgeous boy

So so sorry @Tillygetsit ❤️

I am very sorry for the loss of your dear baby. I know how I felt when doctors were hinting I might not want to continue a pregnancy where they thought there was a trisomy. OP, you have the right to grieve and nobody should be tactless enough to make those comments. Try to forgive them when you are ready. There is no right thing to say in such a sad situation. Hugs

Oh Tilly, I remember you talking about choosing Asa's name as well, what a beautiful name you gave him. I'm so terribly sorry that he couldn't stay with you

I'm so very sorry, Tilly, about the loss of your lovely boy, Asa. Wishing you and your family every strength xx

'are you actually F*CKING JOKING?' would be the correct response.

So sorry for your loss.

My heart goes out to you. Loosing your beloved son must be very traumatic and heartbreaking.
I hope you have the opportunity to have some therapy if and when you feel ready.
If you have the strength to correct people when they are saying these unthoughtful and upsetting comments you could just say I don’t agree with you and tell them why you don’t. You could also bring it up with people that have commented like this already by saying it really upset / hurt me when you said.......... please also bear in mind you also have the right to officially complain about any professional.
Take good care of yourself and I send you my warmest wishes.

I am so sorry for the heartbreaking loss of your beautiful baby boy

I’m so sorry. Could someone you trust DH, sister etc tell everyone to stfu so you don’t have too?

Thank you for sharing what you have about Asa Bram - he sounds beautiful, if you don't mind my doing so I will light a candle for Asa Bram when I light one for my lost boy Christopher

I'm so very sorry for your loss , he sounds gorgeous and you chose a beautiful name for him. My dd2 has ds and when she was born we had people say unintentionally hurtful things, including one hcp (though most were fab).