To find this very hurtful? Trigger warning.(baby death)

[Tillygetsit]

I'm lying in bed sobbing and I have to share this and anonymity seems good atm.
On Thursday at 08:17 I gave birth to my fourth child, a beautiful baby boy with Downs Syndrome. Unfortunately he had a severe heart defect and died at 12:24.
This has obviously ripped mine and dh's hearts apart. Almost every health professional, family member and friend has said words to the effect that his passing is probably a blessing in disguise due to his Downs Syndrome and having 3 other children under 10.
I cannot tell you how offensive I find this. I know people are trying to comfort me with a perceived silver lining but that is not how I see it. So far I have managed to not bite anyone's head off but can feel that the next person to say it (or say it again as in the case of my MIL who has said it over and over) will get it both barrels.
How do I react to this?

I’m so sorry for your loss, and for the insensitivity and cruel comments you’ve had to experience.
I know you want to remain anonymous and I respect that, but in the defence of people who have asked his name, its because a lot of the time we bereaved parents have to endure people reducing our baby to ‘a stillbirth’ or similar - they are much loved, much missed and very much a person.
Sending love and strength to you and your family, and I hope you are able to access support if and when needed.

I have just read your update - with love to Asa Bram ❤️

Beautiful name for a beautiful boy - thank you for sharing it with us. Tell DS1 that he is still a big brother, but of an angel baby brother instead.

@Tillygetsit I'm so sorry for your loss, and that people are being so insensitive to you and your family. Feel free to talk about Asa as much or as little as you want, we're all happy to listen or just to hold you in our thoughts.

My boy was called Asa Bram

Wonderful name.
Was the 'Bram' as in Bram Stoker?

I have no no-one called Bram - it's ace..

Oh @Tillygetsit - I was on his thread on Baby Names a few weeks back! So, so sorry

I’m so, so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Asa. And I’m so sorry people are being so unbelievably insensitive. I have a little girl with DS and the idea that we’d have been better off if she’d died is absolutely horrifying. Please look after yourself, OP,
You and your little one are in my thoughts.

Tilly, I am so sorry for yours and you family's loss. Glad to read you are all snuggled up together, and wishing you all peace in the coming days. Love to you, Asa Bram❤️

What a beautiful name, rest in peace lovely Asa Bram

Hopefully you are not on the receiving end of any more stupid comments but you would be well with your rights to tell them to do one

Love the image of you all cuddling up on the sofa supporting each other. Take care

In loving memory of Asa Bram 🖤

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am also a mum to a boy with Down’s syndrome. You describe Asa so clearly with such love. My heart aches with sadness for you and your family.

I will hold you and your whole family including your beloved son , Asa Bram in my thoughts and prayers.

💐 for all of you who have lost beloved DC.

I'm so sorry OP, I haven't read the full thread.
Tell them. My friend recently put a post on FB about how much she was missing her baby son who died at two months with a severe heart defect but how the next person who said things happen for a reason would get a slap.
Blunt but honest.

There is no good reason for what is happening to you and what happened to your son. There is no plan in place where this was what was meant to happen. It's just fucking shit and I'm so sorry x

I’m so sorry, your little boy sounds so loved, life is unbearably cruel. Sending you lots of love

SleepingStandingUp - imho when people are hurting badly, if they lash out at others (which is entirely understandable), they feel worse afterwards. Even those in great passion and distress should practice restraint, however hard it is. This is to protect themselves.

*passion = pain