To find this very hurtful? Trigger warning.(baby death)

[Tillygetsit]

I'm lying in bed sobbing and I have to share this and anonymity seems good atm.
On Thursday at 08:17 I gave birth to my fourth child, a beautiful baby boy with Downs Syndrome. Unfortunately he had a severe heart defect and died at 12:24.
This has obviously ripped mine and dh's hearts apart. Almost every health professional, family member and friend has said words to the effect that his passing is probably a blessing in disguise due to his Downs Syndrome and having 3 other children under 10.
I cannot tell you how offensive I find this. I know people are trying to comfort me with a perceived silver lining but that is not how I see it. So far I have managed to not bite anyone's head off but can feel that the next person to say it (or say it again as in the case of my MIL who has said it over and over) will get it both barrels.
How do I react to this?

I am so sorry for your terrible loss OP

I lost my little boy in a late missed miscarriage.

I already had a small child but their father left before this happened.

The amount of people who tried to sweep it away by saying it was probably for the best because my ex wasn't with us anymore...

It doesn't matter what reason they give, no one should ever say it's probably for the best. These babies are our babies. Our children. Real humans.

Your son was your son, whether he had DS or not. I would be inclined, if you're not strong enough to say it, to type down that its distressing and inappropriate and please refrain from saying it, and printing it out to hand to people.

Nothing wrong with people knowing, they might even think twice about saying it to someone else.

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I've lost three, I have two and can no longer conceive, but I've finally come to terms with all of that, it's been several years now. Allow yourself time. And you don't have to speak with or see anyone you don't want to right now.

I’m so sorry op.

I support adults with Down syndrome and they have the most amazing fulfilling lives, you have every right to be annoyed!

You are an amazing mum, take care of yourself ❤️

I am so sorry OP, it is a tragedy and there can be no silver linings in that. Sending love xx

So sorry, OP.

I really hope these people come to realise how hurtful their comments are and that you don't have to suffer any more of them.

So sorry for the loss of your beautiful son and so sorry people are adding to your grief with their insensitivity. Suggest you just say to them “please don’t say that, it’s not helping”.

Sorry for your loss. Personally I find the "what was your boys name?" questions just as insensitive when the OP has said she's posting to be anonymous. You don't need to know!

OP, tell them. If you feel able. In the case of MIL then your DH needs to tell her

I’m so sorry for your loss, OP.

Words cannot describe how sorry I am for the loss of your beautiful son x

Your baby was precious just like any baby - I can’t believe anyone would suggest otherwise, so hurtful.
I’d be telling them to keep their disgusting remarks to themselves.
I’m so sorry for your loss 💐

So sorry for the loss of your beautiful son. People can be unkind and insensitive.

YANBU. So sorry for your loss. xxxxx

@crustycrab you have completely missed the point of the question

I’m so sorry OP. Life can be so cruel.
Be firm in expressing how you feel. People have no idea how hurtful their comments are unless they are told, if you can’t face them then ask a close friend or DH to tell them. I lost a baby and had a few “it wasn’t meant to be” (fuck off, it was my baby) “maybe it’s a blessing you lost him early on rather than later” (fuck off, not loosing him would have been a blessing). Take your time, as long as it takes and cry, scream, grieve however you need to. It’s a massive loss that in time you learn to cope with. Sending hugs

I think (and hope!) that there’s very few parents who would feel the passing of their child is a blessing, so I’m horrified that your family and friends have been so insensitive.

Your little boy was carried just under your heart, and I’m sure he felt your love with every heart beat the two of you shared. Sending you a massive hug.

Really? @MT2017 I've answered the OPs question without trying to get her to give details about her baby when she's said she wants anonymity. Won't be posting again so please leave it there. But I absolutely hated people doing the "oh love. Tell us her name" thing personally.

Take all the support you can OP and tell them if it's not helpful

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious son. I'm sorry people are being so insensitive. ♥️

I’m so truly sorry for your loss. I hated this sort of insensitive remark when dd1 died. No matter what happened or how ill a baby is, no parent should have to deal with the death of their child.

I can only imagine the hurt and pain you are going through. Your loss must feel unbearable, I'm so sorry.

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss, OP. Arohanui x

Oh Tilly I’m so heartily sorry. I remember when you having him. I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through, and nor would I want to. No child’s passing is ever for the best. I think sometimes people can be unintentionally cruel. If you do end up taking off on someone then tough on them, I’m afraid.
You’re going through the worse imaginable pain a parent can go through.
for your gorgeous angel. X

So very sorry, the pain of losing a child is unbearable. However well meant, these comments are so insensitive. Ask your husband to close Mil down. Anyone else deserves both barrels as far as I’m concerned. 💐

So sorry for your loss. Those are really thoughtful and hurtful comments.

What was your son's name?

Go ahead op bite their heads off i think you have the right

sorry for your loss

I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby. He will always be loved and remembered 💐