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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

401 replies

Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 09:12

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

Backstory is me and DH are downtrodden and exhausted from parenting DD1 and DD2. We have no family locally and have only lived in the area for a year so don't really have many friends locally (interactions with other parents are limited to 'hi' and 'bye' at nursery and school drop offs).

We (me and DH) decided that we would go crazy (we don't get out much) and book a babysitter. We chose someone from DD2 care setting as they know both children (DD1 attends after school club there), are fully qualified in everything childcare related/DBS checked and we like them. We agreed the rate of £8 an hour (seems steep but she's got all the bells and whistles) and picked for the babysitter to watch the children during the afternoon (we can't stay awake past 9pm).

Yesterday was the agreed date and she arrived promptly. We showed her round/gave her instructions and when we left everyone was happy.

Me and DH had a lovely time and arrived home at 7pm ready to put the darlings to bed. We opened the door and well it looked like we had been burgled by an army of toddlers. There was not an inch of floor that wasn't covered in something (toys, craft stuff, books, make-up dressing up clothes - there was even glue sticks), the pots from dinner were left in the sink, two new toys were broken (taken from their box and trodden on) and this morning we have found dirty dishes under the sofa. My words walking into the house where "what on earth has happened here?". The babysitter made no effort to help me tidy (I had to start picking things as soon as I walked in otherwise I would have trodden on it) just got her coat and left.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to have encouraged and helped the children to tidy up as they went along (she runs the toddler room at nursery so knows toddlers)? They were happy when we arrived home (sat on the sofa eating sweets and watching movies) but also high as kites. I really wasn't expecting to come home and spend two hours tidying up (it was that bad - there was even food crushed into the sofa) and have two very hyper children that took forever to get to sleep. It's made me not want to do it again.

OP posts:
lovepickledlimes · 08/03/2020 09:15

Did you explain any of the house rules to the babysitter or say what you expect?

SideHustle · 08/03/2020 09:15

Gosh, I don't think you're being totally unreasonable, but why on earth would you give them lots of sweets so that they were as 'high as kites' for the babysitter 😂? I suspect that might have played a role.

PaulAnkaDog · 08/03/2020 09:15

All I took from this is £8 an hour is a bit ‘steep’. Pay minimum, get minimum.

Disfordarkchocolate · 08/03/2020 09:15

When I had toddlers I'd probably have cried if I'd come home to that. I wouldn't have expected tidy but I would have expected dishes in the sink and most toys put away.

SideHustle · 08/03/2020 09:15

Oh, I misunderstood - the babysitter gave them sweets. Yeah, doesn't sound great TBH.

Original poster
Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 09:16

In our area £5 is the going rate.

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 08/03/2020 09:16

I’ve not voted as your neither right nor wrong. If your children were happy then I guess technically she did her job. If you’d not agreed on other tasks then again she did her job. Is she young? Maybe she was just having fun with the kids and was exhausted when they finally sat down- so she didn’t have time to tidy. Or she just didn’t consider it to be part of her remit.
Either way, perhaps an older lady without the whistles and bells might be better? Do you go to church or know anyone who does? Or is there another member of staff at the nursery you could ask? Or next time make a few ground rules first- “please only give x and y to eat, we don’t allow food away from the table and if they get toys out please encourage them to tidy away before getting out more”.

Original poster
Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 09:16

I didn't. They appear to have gone through the cupboards

OP posts:
Sushiroller · 08/03/2020 09:17

All I took from this is £8 an hour is a bit ‘steep’. Pay minimum, get minimum.

I'd expect to pay £10-15 per hour

billy1966 · 08/03/2020 09:17

Washing the pots after dinner, NO.

But keeping the place in a decent state, YES.

Didicat · 08/03/2020 09:17

£8 an hour is cheap, depending on age is not even minimum wage!

But yes I would not expect to come home to a trashed house. How old are your kids? Surely you get them to help tidy up, after promptly turning off the tv?

Did you make her aware of house rules and expectations?

Original poster
Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 09:17

I admit I didn't say don't destroy the house.

OP posts:
ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 08/03/2020 09:17

I was ready to say you were bu, thinking you meant evening babysitter and your mess but yanbu, she should've known better than to let them get something out before putting the next thing away. Sounds like she isn't used to looking after toddlers on her own/ in a home setting. At nursery she probably follows someone else's plan. You know not to recommend her and not to book her again but I do think £8 ph is pretty cheap, I charge £9ph for evening babysitting where child interaction is minimal!

Chocolatedaim · 08/03/2020 09:17

Oh my god, plates under the sofa??? I would have been furious
I find it hard to imagine an adult allowing this, sounds like a 15yr old was looking after your children!

SpudsAreLife84 · 08/03/2020 09:17

You are massively unreasonable, its babysitting not housekeeping! And FYI, you underpaid her. Round here its minimum £10p/h for a babysitter with qualifications and first aid etc.

dementedpixie · 08/03/2020 09:18

Did she make food too? I suppose she was there for the children, not to do housework

BumpkinSpiceBatty · 08/03/2020 09:18

£8 isn't a bit steep! Two children who were both awake and sound like they had been given a lot of sugar!
I'm sure if you had booked for later in the night the babysitter would have tidied up once the children were sleeping.

IckyIsAFuckingStupidWord · 08/03/2020 09:18

All I took from this is £8 an hour is a bit ‘steep’. Pay minimum, get minimum

This.

Original poster
Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 09:18

She early thirties

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 08/03/2020 09:19

Yes that would undo any relaxing feeling for me.

Go out in the evening then your kids are in bed and it's easier! No mess.

gabsdot45 · 08/03/2020 09:19

It sounds like the kids had a ball but having 2 hours of cleaning defeats the purpose of going out.
Get a different babysitter next time.

PeppaisaBitch · 08/03/2020 09:19

£8.21 is minimum wage.

Alexis21 · 08/03/2020 09:20

I wouldn't expect a babysitter to wash dirty dishes . You need to leave clear instructions or no sweets / drinks after certain time. To put back toys in their correct place and maybe all watch a film together later on.

MamaGee09 · 08/03/2020 09:20

Id expect to come back to the house and find it they way I had left it.

lovepickledlimes · 08/03/2020 09:20

I used to babysit and still do if I am free. Usually there is very clear instructions to what is expected of me. For example they can have one cracker and one cheese if they ask for a snack no sugar, they are expected to tidy up etc. If I was not told I would really not be sure what the rules were so I do think you expected a little too much