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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

401 replies

Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 09:12

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

Backstory is me and DH are downtrodden and exhausted from parenting DD1 and DD2. We have no family locally and have only lived in the area for a year so don't really have many friends locally (interactions with other parents are limited to 'hi' and 'bye' at nursery and school drop offs).

We (me and DH) decided that we would go crazy (we don't get out much) and book a babysitter. We chose someone from DD2 care setting as they know both children (DD1 attends after school club there), are fully qualified in everything childcare related/DBS checked and we like them. We agreed the rate of £8 an hour (seems steep but she's got all the bells and whistles) and picked for the babysitter to watch the children during the afternoon (we can't stay awake past 9pm).

Yesterday was the agreed date and she arrived promptly. We showed her round/gave her instructions and when we left everyone was happy.

Me and DH had a lovely time and arrived home at 7pm ready to put the darlings to bed. We opened the door and well it looked like we had been burgled by an army of toddlers. There was not an inch of floor that wasn't covered in something (toys, craft stuff, books, make-up dressing up clothes - there was even glue sticks), the pots from dinner were left in the sink, two new toys were broken (taken from their box and trodden on) and this morning we have found dirty dishes under the sofa. My words walking into the house where "what on earth has happened here?". The babysitter made no effort to help me tidy (I had to start picking things as soon as I walked in otherwise I would have trodden on it) just got her coat and left.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to have encouraged and helped the children to tidy up as they went along (she runs the toddler room at nursery so knows toddlers)? They were happy when we arrived home (sat on the sofa eating sweets and watching movies) but also high as kites. I really wasn't expecting to come home and spend two hours tidying up (it was that bad - there was even food crushed into the sofa) and have two very hyper children that took forever to get to sleep. It's made me not want to do it again.

OP posts:
cheeseandpineapple · 08/03/2020 10:10

YANBU but if you use her again, set the ground rules and make clear that she should supervise the children to put things away before watching a movie.

Maybe try out someone else next time as a comparison?

saraclara · 08/03/2020 10:10

"Could you make sure the children tidy their toys away please? They're shocking at getting something today out before they've put the last thing away. They need to eat at the table, and if you wouldn't mind, could you make sure that any dish plates and cups are put in the sink? Cheers"

Lostkeyagain · 08/03/2020 10:13

YANBU. Of course you should not have come home to this level of mess.

The OP didn’t expect the babysitter to clean, just to put toys/activities away as they went along.

honkytonkheroe · 08/03/2020 10:13

When I saw the title I expected to think you were being unreasonable. I have teenagers (and assumed your babysitter was young) and I thought in their own house if I left them to sort out their own tea for example, I would come back to mess. However, what you have described is totally unreasonable no matter what you pay. I'd even say it was pretty unreasonable if it was a friend babysitting for nothing. Broken toys and food crashed into the sofa surely can never be right?

Thinkingabout1t · 08/03/2020 10:13

Poor you, OP. All you and DH wanted was an afternoon’s break. You paid the rate you were asked for and you left clear instructions. I would expect a babysitter to leave the house pretty much as she found it, in your case clean and tidy, and to clear away any toys etc she or the DC took out.

What a shame your day out was spoiled by having to spend hours cleanjng up. I would definitely not use the same person again.

I hope this doesn’t put you off trying someone else. You need a break.

GroggyLegs · 08/03/2020 10:15

From the title was prepared to say YABU, but then actually read the OP & no, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a general level of tidiness - plates in the kitchen, food spills on the furniture cleaned up.

£10 is what I'd expect to pay per hour though, particularly to a DAB on that point YABU.

NoSauce · 08/03/2020 10:16

How strange. Obviously you won’t use her again. Try someone else though.

cheeseandpineapple · 08/03/2020 10:16

FFS this thread is not about what the OP paid. She paid what she was charged by someone who works with children.

Given that the babysitter works with children, it’s not unreasonable to expect she would supervise the children to clear up before the film.

No matter how good she is with kids, given the mess she helped create, I would try out some other sitters and see how they compare. It’s completely crap for the OP to have paid to have some downtime and then come home and spend two hours clearing up after a babysitter.

Somewhat defeats the point of it.

MrsP2015 · 08/03/2020 10:18

I'll be against most opinions on here but I don't think this is fair for the house to be in this state.

Maybe because when my DM used to look after DD at home for the day I'd come home from work to a bomb site and would have to spend a good hour sorting the washing up (she didn't put anything in the dishwasher) and tidying all the toys, removing all the nappies from the changing area (left in nappy bags) and sort through the pile of bibs/ clothes in the lounge (used and sicky piled with clean)!
BUT I appreciated her caring for DD and saving me a day in childcare so I never said anything as after all she was there to care for DD but not tidy up.
When she has DD now for a couple of hours she leaves all the used plates/ dishes (with food left in) on the side but the toy mess she gets DD to help tidy up with her when I'm back.

I think this view from your babysitter and DM is to do with the childcare background (DM works in childcare) where they encourage play which means mess! Confused

It would make me think she's actually spent a lot of time sitting around while the kids went mad... I wouldn't expect the house to be as tidy as when you left it but imo common courtesy would mean plates were in one place (even if on the side in a pile in the kitchen) and maybe not quite so messy.
Would the kids usually have sweets after dinner?

How old are they?

Mulhollandmagoo · 08/03/2020 10:19

£8 per hour isn't even minimum wage, so definitely not steep, we expect to pay £10 per hour!

That said it's pretty basic common sense not to let the kids you're looking after completely trash the place, the food on the sofa would have bugged me!! But if you had a nice afternoon with your husband, and your children were fed, happy and safe when you got in then it's not all bad, surely?

Next time go out in the evening so the kids are in bed and they can't make a mess 😂

Tumbleweed101 · 08/03/2020 10:19

Did get back when expected? She may have just sat them down to start tidying up. If you left sweets then it’s likely your fault they were hyper but if she brought them and gave them to them then yanbu.

Toddlers trash things very quickly and they may have been enjoying free access to toys you usually limit or wanting to show the babysitter everything. It’s hard going into some else’s house and the kids saying the usually are allowed to do something.

I think what needs to be learned is better communication for when you go out again rather than expecting the carer to know.

Twillow · 08/03/2020 10:20

YANBU. I just wonder if she is young and inexperienced, that she separates 'work' and 'home' behaviours. This may be normal to her at home in her background. If you want to do it again, a conversation about how glad you were that the children were happy and had fun with her, but your house rules are that things are left as you find them in your house - one activity put away before starting another etc.

gingersausage · 08/03/2020 10:21

I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing. Why can’t your children behave when you leave them for a couple of hours and not trash the house and grind food into the sofa, then your babysitter wouldn’t have to clean up would she?

I used to babysit for a lot of families and if the children had behaved like that, I wouldn’t have gone back. If anyone had set me “ground rules” I’d have laughed. If you can trust me with your most precious things, I don’t need a list of petty instructions thanks.

“Babysitting” does not involve daytime care, cleaning, washing up or any other housekeeping activities. It involves at the most, bathtime, then bedtime, story time and being there for a sleeping child, hence the rate of pay is lower than for child care or for a mothers help or au pair or nanny.

ThisSistineWontScreamAtItself · 08/03/2020 10:24

If every time a poster says YABU you respond saying you weren't because xyz then why did you post in AIBU?

Lots of people think YABU. You asked and they've answered, no point making a thread in AIBU if you're not prepared to accept that you were unreasonable!

Porcupineinwaiting · 08/03/2020 10:24

£8/hour for 2 awake, highly demanding children is peanuts. Pay peanuts, get monkeys.

ThisSistineWontScreamAtItself · 08/03/2020 10:25

Why can’t your children behave when you leave them for a couple of hours and not trash the house and grind food into the sofa, then your babysitter wouldn’t have to clean up would she?

Also this.

Daftodil · 08/03/2020 10:26

I don't think she should be running the Hoover round or anything, but yes, she should be encouraging the children to put things away before they get something else out. And I'd be fuming to come home to toddlers eating sweets at 7pm! I don't think anyone would think this was a good idea, let alone a qualified childcare practitioner.

I wouldn't expect dishes washed, but would expect things to be piled in the kitchen sink rather than tucked under the sofa! Agree with @Hopeisnotastrategy though, food should've been made in advance for her to heat up rather than her having to cook.

Original poster
Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 10:26

We were back on time so no she wasn't startled/surprised.

OP posts:
Wehttam · 08/03/2020 10:27

Damn a lot of people willing to put their kids in supervision of someone being paid £5 an hour?! What is this, 1998?

Kids + sweets + someone not used to their routine = coming home to a scene out of Trainspotting.

Lweji · 08/03/2020 10:27

Lots of people think YABU

Twice as many think YANBU, though...

mencken · 08/03/2020 10:28

upthread OP says babysitter was early thirties. I expected it be a teen raised by someone on here with the very low bar for behaviour!

hiding plates, not getting kids to help clear up etc etc - useless woman. And if she is allegedly childcare trained, even more useless. I wouldn't want her looking after anyone's kids.

not everywhere pays London rates, people.

Nanny0gg · 08/03/2020 10:28

The children are 5 &2!

Of course they're going to get everything out if they're allowed to!

MarieQueenofScots · 08/03/2020 10:28

Why can’t your children behave when you leave them for a couple of hours and not trash the house and grind food into the sofa, then your babysitter wouldn’t have to clean up would she?

And why isn’t a childcare professional stopping them?

This isn’t a 14 year old girl with no experience, it’s an adult woman.

Lweji · 08/03/2020 10:30

I'm Grin at the thought that a 2 and a 5 year old are expected to behave for the babysitter without a minimum of actual babysitting involved.
Even worse if the babysitter knows them well enough.

MsMD · 08/03/2020 10:31

If you paid me £8/hour I'd expect to ensure the children didn't die and were fed but would not do any additional work such as clean wash up or tidy.