To expect the babysitter to tidy up

[Idontfeellikeagrownup]

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

Backstory is me and DH are downtrodden and exhausted from parenting DD1 and DD2. We have no family locally and have only lived in the area for a year so don't really have many friends locally (interactions with other parents are limited to 'hi' and 'bye' at nursery and school drop offs).

We (me and DH) decided that we would go crazy (we don't get out much) and book a babysitter. We chose someone from DD2 care setting as they know both children (DD1 attends after school club there), are fully qualified in everything childcare related/DBS checked and we like them. We agreed the rate of £8 an hour (seems steep but she's got all the bells and whistles) and picked for the babysitter to watch the children during the afternoon (we can't stay awake past 9pm).

Yesterday was the agreed date and she arrived promptly. We showed her round/gave her instructions and when we left everyone was happy.

Me and DH had a lovely time and arrived home at 7pm ready to put the darlings to bed. We opened the door and well it looked like we had been burgled by an army of toddlers. There was not an inch of floor that wasn't covered in something (toys, craft stuff, books, make-up dressing up clothes - there was even glue sticks), the pots from dinner were left in the sink, two new toys were broken (taken from their box and trodden on) and this morning we have found dirty dishes under the sofa. My words walking into the house where "what on earth has happened here?". The babysitter made no effort to help me tidy (I had to start picking things as soon as I walked in otherwise I would have trodden on it) just got her coat and left.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to have encouraged and helped the children to tidy up as they went along (she runs the toddler room at nursery so knows toddlers)? They were happy when we arrived home (sat on the sofa eating sweets and watching movies) but also high as kites. I really wasn't expecting to come home and spend two hours tidying up (it was that bad - there was even food crushed into the sofa) and have two very hyper children that took forever to get to sleep. It's made me not want to do it again.

As per my previous message I told her what I wanted and she have me a rate. I know how much the others charge as she said I am more expensive than x and y but that is because of my experience.

I agree it's not minimum wage but she's not paying NI and tax on it and again it is what she asked to be paid.

@Queenfreak but surely you explained to the 15 year old what you expected and the rules rather then expect her to guess

I pay my cleaner almost double what you paid a trained professional to look after two children that you'd given a load of sweets before she arrived. I used to get about this amount when I was an unqualified teenager babysitting in the nineties, and those children were bathed and in pyjamas and ready for a bedtime story when I arrived. If I'd arrived and the children were 'high as kites' and munching on sweets frankly I'd assume anything goes

Do people really have a thought process like, “I’m getting paid peanuts, guess I’ll let the kids trash the house?”

No, more along the lines of ‘I’m getting paid a pittance to watch these ‘darlings’, with no clear instructions on what’s expected of me. Surely they don’t also expect me to tidy up after the ‘darlings’ for such a shitty rate of pay?’

The bottom line is were your children safe? Was the babysitter in control of them? It doesn't sound like it if they ransacked the house. I would be as upset with the children as I was with the babysitter - they know your rules and they wouldn't have behaved like that if you were at home. I would be having stern words with the children and would find somebody who is able to control them. If they really can't be trusted to behave, poor them into bed before you go out so at least the babysitter only has to be there while they're in bed.

Maybe if you want to use her again, you need to be clearer about your expectations about putting toys away.

Could your DDs have 'played' her a little and got over excited? Are they used to putting their own toys away and only eating at the table? If they don't do these things with you, without constant encouragement, you can't expect them to do it with a babysitter.

This lady sounds like a valuable resource, so it seems a shame to refuse to use her because of teething problems/miscommunication about expectations.

But I wouldn't expect her to tidy anything apart from the DC mess - she's in the role of an ad hoc nanny in this situation, and they wouldn't normally do anything except look after DC, but feed them and tidy up with them before you were expected to come home.

Not where I live it doesn't. Some places charge £3.50

I don’t understand why everyone is piling on her about that payment?

It’s not like she haggled her down fgs she was told the price and paid it?

Nothing really to do with the question she’s asked at all is it.

To answer your original question our babysitter doesn’t usually tidy up and we’ve never asked her to.

I really feel for you - that was a nasty lesson in setting out your expectations to a babysitter before you leave!

I must agree though that looking after two small (?) children for a few hours when they are awake is tough going for £8ph. It sounds like she just kind of gave up, let them trash the place and then watch TV. Which is awful.

If you find someone who does look after them properly then once the kids get to know them you might be able to go out before bedtime and get back for say 8.30 with the kids nicely tucked up asleep, house tidy and you can just collapse into bed when you get home. Something to aim for?

I find that astonishing. Was she embarrassed at the state of the house when you came in?

I'm a cm and do a lot of babysitting for my minded children. I tend to do evenings but often give them a bath/supper/quick game before bed.

I always rinse out the bath/put dirty clothes in the laundry basket/tidy away the games and books/ wash up supper dishes

I would am really embarrassed to leave such a mess!

So you spent what£32-48 if just the afternoon - so a couple of Pound under minimum wage - so in effect an illegal amount - and your children were well cared for. The house was a tip, but you hadn't employed an au pair or housekeeper. You didn't give an exact return time, so no real reason once you were home for her to tidy was there for below minimum wage?

As for you being downtrodden! Omg you're a parent. Deal with the choices you made!

@Idontfeellikeagrownup did you tell her no sweets and to tidy after they play with an item? if yes she is wrong. If this was not said before leaving then you need to make the rules more clear

Annoying derail. OP paid what she was charged.

Yes, I think she was unreasonable to allow that level of mess. I wouldn't expect immaculate but yes, if the children were sitting watching TV then I would have expected bit of a tidy up both from the children and the babysitter

What you paid is completely irrelevant! It was agreed.

I thought you were going to say that she didn't clear up your mess. I'd expect her to clean up mess she and the children created!

I babysit regularly (I also have all the bells and whistles). I get the children to tidy away the toys and wash our cups up etc. That's just coutesy. Nobody has ever needed to stipulate that I shouldn't let the children grind food into the sofa or be rough with their toys. I'd be mortified to leave a house in the state you describe.

Use someone else next time.

£3.50 in your area what area do you live in as I find that hard to believe. I wouldn’t babysit for under minimum wage!

Why cant people actually read what the OP is writing before weighing in

Those saying the op is reasonable are missing the point that this wasn't babysitting. The women was basically acring as a child minder or nanny. Babysitters are for looking after children whilst you go out in the evening.

Yes the house was a mess but your children were looked after by a highly trained professional for 4 quid an hour per child . So whilst its unfortunate the house was left in a state I wouldnt expect her to then clean up the mess. Her job was to entertain and look after the children not to clean.

£3.50 an hour? Really? That's very hard to believe. 🤨

Op how long did she have them for? I wonder if she lost track of time? Did she have to make them lunch and dinner or just dinner?

Ignore the comments about money. U A sked. She told you. Yanbu to insist on paying her double what she'd asked for.

In future I'd hide any sweets except whatever you're happy for them to have. Ask that she pops all the plates etc in the sink. I can understand her not standing their washing up with two young kids.

Might also be worth mentioning in front of kids any sanctions for bad behaviour. I wonder if they've played her up massively, refused to help and generally been little poo bags cos it's the novelty of a new grown up. And yes I appreciate your children know better and are always perfect etc but I'd certainly ask if thry were good and if in theory she'd be happy to do it again to gauge her reaction.

@Streamingbannersofdawn depends. If the kids said the parents let them do this I would just let them if I was not given any rules. And some kids are rough with their toys at that rate I would think not my job to teach them how to behave. If I know the parents and what they expect of course I stick to them

Children are 2 and 5. I don't think they played her but I think they have all treated the situation as one big long party.

I left some new craft activities (not on the floor) and said they could watch a movie with some popcorn. I also left some cake on the side and said the children could have a slice. DH went through the dinner options available (simple things).

I really like her as she is so good with DD2 so would like to continue on the relationship. I'm possibly a bit green but I really didn't think I had to say 'please do not mush food into my sofa or leave the place looking like it has been burgled'.

I think the rate or pay is irrelevant here, the OP paid what the babysitter charged. But dirty plates under sofa? Food on furniture? That's completely unacceptable and I can't believe that people think the OP should have to provide clesr instructions not to do this. I would a absolutely expect the house to be in a similar condition to how I left it when I returned.

Why are you all banging on about OP paying her too little when that is what the babysitter said her rate was?

So, if a babysitter told you her rate was £8ph, (which was average for your area) you would all go 'oh no, that's not enough, I will pay you twice that'
Yeah right

Why would I lie? I don't use the services but when I was looking last year (when we moved here) I was quoted as low as £3.50 an hour.

YANBU.

Are we really suggesting that a professional woman who is a childcare provider needs instructions on “try not to let the house become a bomb site”?