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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

401 replies

Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 09:12

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

Backstory is me and DH are downtrodden and exhausted from parenting DD1 and DD2. We have no family locally and have only lived in the area for a year so don't really have many friends locally (interactions with other parents are limited to 'hi' and 'bye' at nursery and school drop offs).

We (me and DH) decided that we would go crazy (we don't get out much) and book a babysitter. We chose someone from DD2 care setting as they know both children (DD1 attends after school club there), are fully qualified in everything childcare related/DBS checked and we like them. We agreed the rate of £8 an hour (seems steep but she's got all the bells and whistles) and picked for the babysitter to watch the children during the afternoon (we can't stay awake past 9pm).

Yesterday was the agreed date and she arrived promptly. We showed her round/gave her instructions and when we left everyone was happy.

Me and DH had a lovely time and arrived home at 7pm ready to put the darlings to bed. We opened the door and well it looked like we had been burgled by an army of toddlers. There was not an inch of floor that wasn't covered in something (toys, craft stuff, books, make-up dressing up clothes - there was even glue sticks), the pots from dinner were left in the sink, two new toys were broken (taken from their box and trodden on) and this morning we have found dirty dishes under the sofa. My words walking into the house where "what on earth has happened here?". The babysitter made no effort to help me tidy (I had to start picking things as soon as I walked in otherwise I would have trodden on it) just got her coat and left.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to have encouraged and helped the children to tidy up as they went along (she runs the toddler room at nursery so knows toddlers)? They were happy when we arrived home (sat on the sofa eating sweets and watching movies) but also high as kites. I really wasn't expecting to come home and spend two hours tidying up (it was that bad - there was even food crushed into the sofa) and have two very hyper children that took forever to get to sleep. It's made me not want to do it again.

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 08/03/2020 09:42

It’s not like she haggled her down fgs she was told the price and paid it?

Exactly, not as if all the posters criticising OP would be likely to get a service and try and pay more than was asked eh.

dottiedodah · 08/03/2020 09:43

I think the rules of looking after 2 children in the afternoon are slightly different to an evening out TBH ! Usually Baby sitter would be expected to see to the children if they woke up .Evenings are the norm really say 7 to 11 or something like that ! I think she could have made some effort to clean up though .

Streamingbannersofdawn · 08/03/2020 09:43

Well on my watch, you don't mistreat toys...some children tell me they are allowed 10 stories and chocolate before bed. We don't do that either. Although I am a sucker for an extra story. I'd like to think people use me for my common sense and decent judgement as much as for being good with the children.

Maybe I wouldn't expect everything tidied up but to completely trash the place?

Flibbitygibbit · 08/03/2020 09:43

The thing is ...... she's looked after two children and it's very difficult to tell someone else's kids off . Imagine if you'd got home and they'd moaned at you how strict she was ? I'd be worried about the amount of sweets too but not the state of your house !

PleaseStopCrying · 08/03/2020 09:44

So, if a babysitter told you her rate was £8ph, (which was average for your area) you would all go 'oh no, that's not enough, I will pay you twice that'

I wouldn't pay twice as much but I absoloutly would insist on paying more than tje minimum wage.

I pay my cat sitter the minimum wage so to pay someone looking after my child less would be thoroughly incomprehensible to me.

Roselilly36 · 08/03/2020 09:45

I wouldn’t expect a babysitter to tidy the house, but I agree she should have tidied up after the craft activities.

pantsforhats · 08/03/2020 09:46

You know it's not reasonable to have food mushed into the sofa, you are confident you've paid a fair rate for daytime childcare (not what most people would consider babysitting) and you want to continue the arrangement just set down some ground rules. I'm not sure we're needed here 😆

Original poster
Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 09:46

Thank you!!!!!

There was no hoodwinking or coercive behaviour in this situation. I knew we wanted someone to watch the children during the day and was very clear that it was both children. She gave me the price. The babysitter even offered to take them both out for the afternoon (but I wanted to try her out at home first) as the £8 includes petrol.

OP posts:
JustFamily · 08/03/2020 09:46

Backstory is me and DH are downtrodden and exhausted from parenting DD1 and DD2.

Lmao. That's not a backstory, that's just life. It's being a parent, it's every single parent ever. 😂

£8 is low. £5 is the going rate...?
For a teenager maybe.

As for the tidying up, I suspect your being a tad dramatic and one of those parents who hates their kids doing anything messy.

Get over it, it's happened. Don't use her again and it won't happen again.

Original poster
Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 09:47

She does it all the time at nursery

OP posts:
Palavah · 08/03/2020 09:47

I really didn't think I had to say 'please do not mush food into my sofa or leave the place looking like it has been burgled

This. I think some people are misreading your post and thinking you gave the children sweets before you left - did you?

I would not expect the house to be tidier or cleaner than I left it, especially as if it was afternoon the children were not in bed. But not leaving plates under the sofa, some basic tidying up after themselves as they went along.

Did she say how they behaved?

Electrical · 08/03/2020 09:47

Ah, the old dilemma of ‘parenting is the hardest job in the world!!/my kids are my world!!’ Vs. ‘I’m not paying the absolute bare minimum of poverty wages for childcare!’ 😄😄😄
Sounds like you need to teach your kids how to not trash the house.

Murraygoldberg · 08/03/2020 09:48

The dishes under sofa is not on but I would not have expected her to clean dinner dishes, think all afternoon and then making dinner is quite a big ask. If I were you I would go out at night in future, you will get a 2nd wind when you are out

lovepickledlimes · 08/03/2020 09:49

@Streamingbannersofdawn Turst me I did that until I got told by a parent that they don't lecture their kids and I was harsh to fo so. Since then I want clear instructions to what is allowed and what is expected

Original poster
Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 09:49

I gave no sweets to my children before we left.

OP posts:
bottlenose301 · 08/03/2020 09:49

I'd be pissed off. The whole point of relaxing and going out letting off steam is so you don't have to do two hours of chores when you get home.

Runnerduck34 · 08/03/2020 09:50

I woukd hsyve felt like crying when i walked in, my sister frequently did things like this when she babysat, but i wasnt paying her, kids loved her thou!

Did she cook for them? Thats above normal baby sitter duties , i wouldn't expect them to clear up any mess you had made but would expect them to tidy up as much as possible as they went, ie put game away before getting out craft activities etc
On the plus side sounds like dc had a lovely time . £8 an hour isnt a huge amount to look after DC when they are awake. if it was during an evening and they were in bed and she was watching tv it would be different

Chewbecca · 08/03/2020 09:50

Better to keep babysitting for the evening when DC are in bed.

FridaBorgen · 08/03/2020 09:51

YANBU as she should have kept on top of the mess she was creating, but £8 is bloody cheap. I can’t believe the going rate is really £5 in your area since it’s well below the national living wage. Unless she’s under 18 in which case she’s probably inexperienced and needs more guidance from you about your expectations.

MargotB7 · 08/03/2020 09:52

I agree she should have tidied up. In any job you should tidy up its no different.

Nanny0gg · 08/03/2020 09:52

As for the tidying up, I suspect your being a tad dramatic and one of those parents who hates their kids doing anything messy.

Yep, OP. You must be lying.

The fact that you left craft activities out, that every toy was out. That two new ones were broken. That plates were under the sofa.

Yep. Lying.

Or...the babysitter let the kids run riot and walked out without a backwards glance when the parents arrived back.

How's about, just sometimes, we take the OP at face value?

theswordthatdangles · 08/03/2020 09:53

YANBU. Even as a teen watching a friend's children for the afternoon I knew not to let them completely trash the house and that was without explicit instructions. I adored my charges!

Perhaps consider an evening babysitter for a few rounds so you get used to each other outside of the nursery environment and know each others expectations.

I get what others are saying about the job basically being a nannying job and not babysitting, but the sitter could have declined the job if she didn't feel it met her usual remit.

Lweji · 08/03/2020 09:53

Yanbu
Not so much that she should have tidied up, but I would wonder how much supervision was involved.
Plates under the sofa? Shock

Ginseng1 · 08/03/2020 09:54

I'd have been gutted to come home to that. Did she know you were due home at 7? Or did she think you'd be later & was planning to tidy after kids in bed? That would have completely ruined my afternoon out. When they kids are in the crèche where she works I bet they don't let the kids pull out every toy & leave cups n plates everywhere. I expect babysitter to tidy up kids (or not let them pull out more tots without putting away some firsr) and wash the dishes or put in dishwasher after feeding them. Next time don't come back til kids in bed & make clear babysitter should do this (tho find another babysitter even the teenagers we've got would have sense to do this without me telling them!)

MyDcAreMarvel · 08/03/2020 09:54

£5 is your local babysitting rate you wanted a nanny service for £8 an hour!