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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

401 replies

Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 09:12

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

Backstory is me and DH are downtrodden and exhausted from parenting DD1 and DD2. We have no family locally and have only lived in the area for a year so don't really have many friends locally (interactions with other parents are limited to 'hi' and 'bye' at nursery and school drop offs).

We (me and DH) decided that we would go crazy (we don't get out much) and book a babysitter. We chose someone from DD2 care setting as they know both children (DD1 attends after school club there), are fully qualified in everything childcare related/DBS checked and we like them. We agreed the rate of £8 an hour (seems steep but she's got all the bells and whistles) and picked for the babysitter to watch the children during the afternoon (we can't stay awake past 9pm).

Yesterday was the agreed date and she arrived promptly. We showed her round/gave her instructions and when we left everyone was happy.

Me and DH had a lovely time and arrived home at 7pm ready to put the darlings to bed. We opened the door and well it looked like we had been burgled by an army of toddlers. There was not an inch of floor that wasn't covered in something (toys, craft stuff, books, make-up dressing up clothes - there was even glue sticks), the pots from dinner were left in the sink, two new toys were broken (taken from their box and trodden on) and this morning we have found dirty dishes under the sofa. My words walking into the house where "what on earth has happened here?". The babysitter made no effort to help me tidy (I had to start picking things as soon as I walked in otherwise I would have trodden on it) just got her coat and left.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to have encouraged and helped the children to tidy up as they went along (she runs the toddler room at nursery so knows toddlers)? They were happy when we arrived home (sat on the sofa eating sweets and watching movies) but also high as kites. I really wasn't expecting to come home and spend two hours tidying up (it was that bad - there was even food crushed into the sofa) and have two very hyper children that took forever to get to sleep. It's made me not want to do it again.

OP posts:
Wineislifex · 08/03/2020 09:55

I think yabu to expect her to look after two lively toddlers and clean your house! Yes dishes should be left in the sink not under the sofa but I think the chances are she got distracted by one of the children and forgot to move them.

In future if you want her to clean after cooking etc as well as babysit you should make it clear when offering her the job.

They could have tidied as they went along but a few toys to put away isn’t the end of the world, surely what matter is that the children were happy and cared for?

loulou0987 · 08/03/2020 09:55

£8 is very cheap and I would think this would cover the minimum and not any housekeeping jobs.

Original poster
Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 09:55

Parenting a 2 and 5 year old when both adults work more than 40 hours per weekend with no support family gets a bit draining.

If she'd have asked for £15 an hour I'd have paid it. I paid what she asked me to pay.

And say what you want about me but leave my children alone. They are both well behaved.

OP posts:
Noconceptofnormal · 08/03/2020 09:56

I think people are getting too hung up on the £8/hour, as you say that is the rate she asked for, and you obviously live in a very cheap area so it doesn't matter that elsewhere the going rate is £10 or £15 etc.

She works in a nursery as well so it's not like you got a 16 year old.

Obviously she messed up here, I don't think it's too much of an expectation to expect toys to be put away and food to be consumed at a table so there's not crumbs in the sofa. I wouldn't expect to have to say that to someone before going out. If there were a few toys out and some plates in the sink I'd not stress about that but you're describing a yellow pages ad.

I can't understand why you'd want to her to babysit again though, she's obviously got very little control over your kids and poor judgement. A good babysitter can establish a good relationship with kids very quickly so I don't think you needed to stay wedded to her xx

Original poster
Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 09:58

A bit of mess I wouldn't be worried about - this is every jigsaw, every piece of lego, every dressing up outfit covering every inch of the floor. I couldn't see the floor.

OP posts:
gigi556 · 08/03/2020 09:59

How old is the babysitter? £8 isn't even minimum wage which is actually going up next month!

Sooverthemill · 08/03/2020 10:00

I don't think babysitters should tidy your mess but they most definitely should clear up the mess they/kids make. But she wasn't really 'babysitting' was she? As it was daytime and therefore maybe she misunderstood. I also am amazed that £5 if the going rate for day time child care in your home when kids require attention. Look at other sources of care

IceColdCat · 08/03/2020 10:00

YANBU. Don't use her again.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/03/2020 10:00

YANBU
Did she play with the children or let them run riot?

Murray
Not everyone gets a second wind. I certainly wouldn’t. Not being able to sleep when you need to is torture.

MarieQueenofScots · 08/03/2020 10:00

Why are people deliberately obtuse.

Where does the OP suggest she expected the babysitter to clean the house? What she did expect was the items used to be tidied away

I presume in her childcare setting she works on the basis that one activity is put away before another began, and dirty plates are in the kitchen/food spills tidied.

lovepickledlimes · 08/03/2020 10:01

@Idontfeellikeagrownup that does sound like a very large mess to be fair to you

Original poster
Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 10:04

I do 'deal' with my choices but I am also not a robot and am at the moment on my 'arse'.

OP posts:
Butterwhy · 08/03/2020 10:05

I would expect craft stuff and toys go be tidied away, but wouldn't expect washing up etc to have been done.

CareBear50 · 08/03/2020 10:05

I agree with OP. This lady absolutely should have encouraged and helped the children to tidy up as they went along. That is absolutely just common sense surely???

Those saying the OP paid too little is unreasonable. You pay by the going rate in your area, and moreover, as this was cash in hand it prob worked out more like £9 per hour.

The house should have been left how it was when babysitter arrived.

Dipi79 · 08/03/2020 10:05

Either don't use her again, or discuss expectations before you go out.
No, you shouldn't have had to return to a pigsty, but I would have said something on the night.

carparkkk · 08/03/2020 10:06

Wow, you have been given a hard time on here OP.

Yes the wage is low for a fully qualified professional but that is what she charged you. If she wants to charge more then she can, it is totally up to her. IMO you've done nothing wrong.

I'm a fully qualified nanny and I babysit for quite a few families and have done so for many years. I would never leave someone else's house in that condition. If I have to make the children's dinner/snack then I will usually pop the dirty dishes in the dishwasher or try and wash them myself, if I don't have time then I will put them neatly to one side.

I normally try and encourage children to tidy up toys before getting new ones out, and I will help them too. I admit, sometimes I might leave it all until the children go to bed as I know it won't get trashed again (nothing worse than cleaning up and it's a mess again 5 minutes later Sad) - perhaps this is what her plan was? But then again if she knew you were back at a certain time she should have made sure the house was tidy or at least in the same condition it was when you left.

Would you give her another chance and perhaps write a few "house rules" down for her and the children? Whatever you decide to do, good luck!

SimonJT · 08/03/2020 10:06

£8, it isn’t even minimum wage, if mine charged that there is no way I would only give her £8 an hour.

She was there to care for the children, not to be a chef or cleaner. I wouldn’t dare ask a babysitter to do the washing up or tidy, I wouldn’t even ask my cleaner to do it.

Iusedtobeapartygirl · 08/03/2020 10:07

You're paying less than minimum wage.

YABU

CareBear50 · 08/03/2020 10:08

*How old is the babysitter? £8 isn't even minimum wage which is actually going up next month!**

Yes she was. Babysitter was paid cash in hand, so effectively was paid about £9 per hour

incognitomum · 08/03/2020 10:08

That's shocking. Does she have dcs of her own?

She's really getting more than NMW considering no tax or NI. Absolutely no need for such scroatiness.

Triggahippy · 08/03/2020 10:08

My unqualified teenager gets more than that in general and a takeaway in most houses. She doesn’t charge an hourly rate btw but people tend to just pay her fairly. I don’t know anyone who gets a going rate of £5 for babysitting?
She’s a childcare provider so probably isn’t used to tidying and cleaning. She should’ve left it a bit less chaotic but expecting her to tidy and do dinner dishes is unreasonable

Eddielzzard · 08/03/2020 10:09

I've used loads of babysitters over the years and I would certainly expect them to tidy up mess that they were supervising over. I wouldn't ask her back tbh, which is a shame. Or you could explicitly ask her to tidy up afterwards and also state rules like no food in living room etc. to stop the food on the sofa.

I wouldn't be happy with this at all. I'd be rather upset.

Original poster
Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 10:10

Just to be clear when the babysitter arrived my house was incredibly tidy. I was expecting her to tidy up the mess created in the 4 hours I was gone.

OP posts:
Nomorepies · 08/03/2020 10:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 08/03/2020 10:10

I too am wondering whether she wasn’t expecting you to arrive home till later, or lost track of time and was embarrassed. I also think you were partly the author of your own misfortune, you did leave crafting toys, cake and popcorn, all of which are going to make a mess/ make the kids high. If you walked and said what you did, she was probably embarrassed you’d seen how bad it had got.

You said the children were both happy when you got in - don’t underestimate that, it’s a biggie, and means they will be happy to be looked after by her again. If you’re as exhausted as you say, you’d appreciate that, it gives you a lot more flexibility.

At the same time, of course you shouldn’t have returned home to chaos, and plates under the sofa is a no no. If you do decide to go forward with her, you need to set some guidelines- “ this is how we do things in this house” - but you need to set that out, clearly and politely. That way everybody knows what’s expected.

I do have to say though, you do seem to have high expectations of her. £8 an hour is NOT very much for what she did, looking after two lively young children and feeding them. It shouldn’t have been for her to decide what they ate, you should just leave something in the fridge plated for her to heat up.

Poor girl probably felt really deflated on your return. There are faults on both sides here, and a chance to learn from them going forward.