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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

401 replies

Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 09:12

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

Backstory is me and DH are downtrodden and exhausted from parenting DD1 and DD2. We have no family locally and have only lived in the area for a year so don't really have many friends locally (interactions with other parents are limited to 'hi' and 'bye' at nursery and school drop offs).

We (me and DH) decided that we would go crazy (we don't get out much) and book a babysitter. We chose someone from DD2 care setting as they know both children (DD1 attends after school club there), are fully qualified in everything childcare related/DBS checked and we like them. We agreed the rate of £8 an hour (seems steep but she's got all the bells and whistles) and picked for the babysitter to watch the children during the afternoon (we can't stay awake past 9pm).

Yesterday was the agreed date and she arrived promptly. We showed her round/gave her instructions and when we left everyone was happy.

Me and DH had a lovely time and arrived home at 7pm ready to put the darlings to bed. We opened the door and well it looked like we had been burgled by an army of toddlers. There was not an inch of floor that wasn't covered in something (toys, craft stuff, books, make-up dressing up clothes - there was even glue sticks), the pots from dinner were left in the sink, two new toys were broken (taken from their box and trodden on) and this morning we have found dirty dishes under the sofa. My words walking into the house where "what on earth has happened here?". The babysitter made no effort to help me tidy (I had to start picking things as soon as I walked in otherwise I would have trodden on it) just got her coat and left.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to have encouraged and helped the children to tidy up as they went along (she runs the toddler room at nursery so knows toddlers)? They were happy when we arrived home (sat on the sofa eating sweets and watching movies) but also high as kites. I really wasn't expecting to come home and spend two hours tidying up (it was that bad - there was even food crushed into the sofa) and have two very hyper children that took forever to get to sleep. It's made me not want to do it again.

OP posts:
OchAyeThaNoo · 09/03/2020 22:14

I live in what's formally described as a "deprived area". £8p/h isn't completely unreasonable if they're self employed or earning cash in hand and not declaring it. In bigger cities where you can't buy a 3 bed semi detached house with drive and gardens for £62K I would assume a childminder/nanny/babysitter pay should be much more.
I wonder if OP lives in a similar area.

Zombiemum1946 · 09/03/2020 22:34

When I was babysitting I would have been mortified to have this mess greet the parents when they came back, I certainly wouldn't have stuffed them full of sweets. Common sense would say 1 or 2 things out to play with at a time. These are toddlers and carnage will ensue regardless, but, a degree of damage control can be put in place.

pickingdaisies · 09/03/2020 23:33

Ok people. The babysitter stated her rate. The babysitter charged the op £8 an hour. She knew the hours and the number of children and what time the op would be returning. She still asked for £8 an hour.
The op paid it, and got her house trashed.

Sooverthemill · 10/03/2020 10:08

Yes it's not the rate that's the issue it's whether the worker should have made sure the house wasn't a tip when parents arrived home!

Inappropriatefemale · 10/03/2020 10:19

I don’t think you are being unreasonable but I just want to ask why you think £8 per hour is steep when the NMW is £8.21, or was she under age 25 where the NMW is £7.93? (or maybe not and someone can correct me) I know it’s not relevant to your post but I’m just being nosey.Smile

She definitely should’ve tidied up and asked the kids to help.

daisypond · 10/03/2020 10:24

NMW is irrelevant, as the sitter is not an employee. Like anyone who sets up a business, they can change whatever fees they like. A lot( most?) self employed people earn less than the NMW.

BarbaraofSeville · 10/03/2020 10:33

Exactly, self employed people set rates that the market will bear and many don't make NMW.

The sitter was probably happy with her rate in the context that she's probably not declaring it for tax and any benefits purposes and it's just a bit of extra money for her.

BrimfulofSasha · 10/03/2020 10:36

£8 an hour isn't even minimum wage- so no it isn't steep.

She is 'babysitting' the clue is in the name- she isn't a mothers help.
The plates under the sofa is gross- but as long as the children were well looked after she did as she was paid to do.
It would have been nice for her to tidy as she went but unless that was an explicit instruction from you and something she agreed to then the fault lays with you IMO

DefinitelyNameChangeForThisOne · 10/03/2020 10:37

What about common courtesy and thoughtfulness though? If I were working in someone's home I'd be sure to leave it in a clean and tidy state, whether I'm looking after children or working as a tradesperson etc.

If someone came in and did a different type of work (plumbing repair for example) nobody would say "you didn't pay them to clean!" if they left the house in a shocking state during the course of their work! Why is it okay for childminders to do so?

shinyredbus · 10/03/2020 10:42

Jesus Christ. I stopped at £8 an hour. And you expected what from that OP?! Get a grip.

Inappropriatefemale · 10/03/2020 10:43

It’s because the OP said £8 per hour is steep and regardless of the babysitter being an employee or not then imo it’s not steep because the NMW is just 21p over that and it’s crap.

Isthistrueor · 10/03/2020 10:48

£8 an hour sounds cheap to me, it’s usually closer to £10-15 an hour for DBS checked professionals.

That aside, YANBU. I think leaving someone’s house in a state is always disrespectful. It was obviously ok for her to do crafts and play with your DC but she presumably knew when you would be returning so she should have asked the DC to help her tidy things away.

PawPatrolFedUp · 10/03/2020 10:53

Cleaners get around £10.50 an hour for most jobs around my area so I’d expect to pay a babysitter to watch my children and clean around £15 an hour.

Sooverthemill · 10/03/2020 11:21

She wasn't expected to clean the house. She was expected to not leave the house messy after playing with the kids! So, kids use jigsaw puzzle. Babysitter puts it away. Kids paint babysitter cleans up any mess.
RTFT

OchAyeThaNoo · 10/03/2020 15:40

I'm wondering that if the house was such a tip, did she actually supervise the children at all? That type of mess is usually what happens with unwatched toddlers so all these people talking about how at least the children were safe and unharmed and all she needed to do was watch them, was it not just luck that they didn't get hurt? Did she watch them at all?

Daftodil · 10/03/2020 17:00

There was a thread on AIBU the other day where someone was outraged by a table in a restaurant being left with mess on the floor and on the table top. And on this thread, everyone is outraged that the OP isn't happy with mess on her floor and dirty plates left under her sofa?! Hmm

AryaStarkWolf · 10/03/2020 17:12

but as long as the children were well looked after she did as she was paid to do.

Allowing them to raid the cupboards and eat a load of sweets isn't exactly make sure they're well looked after though, is it?

lovepickledlimes · 10/03/2020 17:41

@AryaStarkWolf a lot of families have different attitudes towards sweets. So without instructions how was she to guess?

Sissymate2 · 10/03/2020 18:08

Even toddlers know the house rules...they are so smart! And cheeky enough also to know when there is a lapse in an adults attention...like while sitter is on the phone. FREE FOR ALL

lovepickledlimes · 10/03/2020 18:14

@Sissymate2 which is why I think their behavior is closer to how they act with OP too and the normal state then she is willing to admit

Sissymate2 · 10/03/2020 18:23

I think they may TRY to act that way, but OP puts them in their place. So they know the behaviour isnt allowed, but are testing it out to see who will let them get away with it. I used to work in a nursery and have 3DCs of my own....I am fascinated by watching toddlers' little brains spinning around trying to figure out these kinds of things.

Thisismytimetoshine · 10/03/2020 18:29

I don’t think that’s apparent at all. Op begins her post by saying how ground down by them both she and her dh are.
Sounds like these children are out of control and op was expecting far too much from someone not used to dealing with them.

Disfordarkchocolate · 10/03/2020 18:31

I'm getting very tempted to send my adult children some treats. I think it helps when I miss them.

Sissymate2 · 14/03/2020 23:23

@lovepickledlimes @Thisismytimetoshine
I stand corrected about DCs behaviour when parents are home...I'm sorry..I forgot about that part of OPs post..

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/03/2020 22:33

Babysitting is when kids in bed ideally asleep

You had her as a nanny. Looking after hour children in the day

£8 is cheap but if that’s what she asked for and you say the average rate is £5 and some £3.50

Where are you ?

But yes if she and kids made the mess she and kids should tidy up

If she arrived and was tidy

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