To expect the babysitter to tidy up

[Idontfeellikeagrownup]

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

Backstory is me and DH are downtrodden and exhausted from parenting DD1 and DD2. We have no family locally and have only lived in the area for a year so don't really have many friends locally (interactions with other parents are limited to 'hi' and 'bye' at nursery and school drop offs).

We (me and DH) decided that we would go crazy (we don't get out much) and book a babysitter. We chose someone from DD2 care setting as they know both children (DD1 attends after school club there), are fully qualified in everything childcare related/DBS checked and we like them. We agreed the rate of £8 an hour (seems steep but she's got all the bells and whistles) and picked for the babysitter to watch the children during the afternoon (we can't stay awake past 9pm).

Yesterday was the agreed date and she arrived promptly. We showed her round/gave her instructions and when we left everyone was happy.

Me and DH had a lovely time and arrived home at 7pm ready to put the darlings to bed. We opened the door and well it looked like we had been burgled by an army of toddlers. There was not an inch of floor that wasn't covered in something (toys, craft stuff, books, make-up dressing up clothes - there was even glue sticks), the pots from dinner were left in the sink, two new toys were broken (taken from their box and trodden on) and this morning we have found dirty dishes under the sofa. My words walking into the house where "what on earth has happened here?". The babysitter made no effort to help me tidy (I had to start picking things as soon as I walked in otherwise I would have trodden on it) just got her coat and left.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to have encouraged and helped the children to tidy up as they went along (she runs the toddler room at nursery so knows toddlers)? They were happy when we arrived home (sat on the sofa eating sweets and watching movies) but also high as kites. I really wasn't expecting to come home and spend two hours tidying up (it was that bad - there was even food crushed into the sofa) and have two very hyper children that took forever to get to sleep. It's made me not want to do it again.

£5/ph is the going rate for an adult with a DBS to look after children for the afternoon? Really?

Just to say that looking after them when they’re fully awake is childminding/nannying and yes more like 10 to 12 per hour. We have babysitters who we pay 7 or 8 to but only if it really does involve just sitting while they’re asleep. Having said that I would have expected her to at least try to help clear up. You need to chat through your expectations with her I think but realistically expect to pay a bit more for daytime childcare. Good luck!

£8 is cheap!!

Yeah, £8 an hour is very low for daytime childcare for two children. A childminder would cost £5ph per child so that's what you should be paying, if you expect professional standard care by an adult. A teenager babysitting in the evening while they are asleep is different and I would expect to pay less for that. You weren't paying for babysitting, it was childcare, so that's that.

However, the state of the place sounds awful and the woman should have made sure it didn't get that bad by tidying as they went or keeping them contained to one area.

YABU. You booked a babysitter, not a cleaner.

I didn't under pay her. She is an experienced childcare professional in her thirties and that is the rate she charged me. I didn't barter and try and bring her price down. I also told her what I was looking for (so having the children during the afternoon not the evening) before making the booking.

Several of the other nursery workers charge £5 an hour but we didn't chose to use them as this one knows the children much better.

Minimum wage doesn't apply to babysitting I don't think. The people saying £8 is too cheap haven't taken into consideration the area, it might well be for theirs but OP says the norm for her area is £5 an hour.

£5 per hour for a Trained, qualified and background checked, probably with first aid training? Really? That’s the actual going rate? £8 is the minimum I would expect to pay - where we live it’s £10-12.

It would have been better for the babysitter to tidy up, yes so YANBU But setting expectations is key - I give a briefing about what food the DCs can have, bedtimes etc, and say that we try to tidy up as we go along and that we appreciate babysitters to do the same - but the kids know that too.

I would expect the house to look the same or better than when she arrived. When I babysit, I will even empty the dishwasher if it finishes when I am there. Though this is at night so I do understand the difference! As you say she is (ostensibly) trained and experienced in the care of toddlers. Also though £8 is not an enormous amount it is tax-free etc. I would never ask her again. Is there another staff member that would be available? That has the advantage that you can set out your expectations of how the house should look.

£8?? Absolute bargain for a babysitter!!

In our area £5 is the going rate.

So everyone is your area is a cheapskate?

Pay the woman a decent wage, would you work for that?

I agree with the wage, it’s below minimum wage. If anyone provides you with a service, you should pay at least minimum wage.

If you don’t have any friends or family in the area how do you know others are paying £5 an hour (shocking, in less it’s an older sibling type arrangement).

There shouldn’t have been dirty dishes under the sofa, and she should have controlled the children at little better. You should have explained bedtimes and sweetie rules. But for less than minimum wage they were safe and happy.

The pay isn’t really relevant in my eyes. The babysitter agreed to it, she didn’t have to, she could have said no, or said she charges more.

The mess is not acceptable. I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all OP.

But I left the house clean and tidy. I have never ever seen my house look like how it did.

I would never treat someone’s house like this - whatever wage I was on!

Do people really have a thought process like, “I’m getting paid peanuts, guess I’ll let the kids trash the house?”

Should have started - I agree with the comments about The wage. Too low.

@Idontfeellikeagrownup did you tell her what you expected regarding snacks? every family is different so it would have been difficult to know

The tidying up again each family is different some have the rule to tidy as you go and some have a routine to do it in one go before bed. Again hard for her to know unless you tell her

If you babysit via an agency (as I have in the past) £8 per hour is not bad!

£8 per hour is very little for someone with ‘all the bells and whistles’. My teenage DD charges £7 and is not short of work.
I do think daytime babysitting of two toddlers (including cooking a meal from the sound of things) wouldn’t allow much time for tidying up. At those ages I would have left a check list, prepared food for the DC and babysitter and some suggested favourite activities out and ready to go.
We all live and learn, so rather than never doing it again, maybe set it up differently next time.
And if you walked in the door and said ‘what on Earth has happened here?’ I’m not surprised she got her coat and left.

So don’t use her again. But you need to pay people a decent wage.

Use babysitters in the evening so no meals or making a mess.
Teach your children to sleep so you aren’t perpetually exhausted.
Join a babysitting circle so it’s free.
Set house rules before you go out. Nicely but house rules nevertheless.

An afternoon of childcare for 2 children isn't babysitting, it's nannying. The children are both awake and need entertaining. A nanny rate should really be around £10 - £15 per hour. A good nanny would however, keep the house tidy and clear up activities and food once they've finished with them.

£8 - £10 per hour is a babysitting rate. However babysitting is in the evening when the children are about to go to bed or are already asleep in bed. A babysitter should hopefully have a lot less to do as the sleeping children shouldn't need that much care.

This person seems to have done a full afternoon of childcare for 2 young children. You paid a pretty low rate and got a pretty low service. However your children were safe and probably very happy.

Lesson learned. Perhaps next time go out for the evening, put your kids to bed first and avoid the mess/sweets situation.

Yanbu!
We use a 16 year old to look after our nearly 3 year old.
Always during the day. Shes not tidy, she doesn't necessarily do things the way I would- but she loves my daughter (and dd adores her!), plays with her better than I do, manages to pop dishes in the sink (we've no dishwasher) and the house doesn't look trashed when I get back. I wouldn't use her again if the level of mess you describe was left. I do agree with money though alas, babysitters are not cheap- we pay £7.50 an hour, usually rounded up. If she was qualified I would expect to be paying around £10-£12 per hour. Though we are SE (not london).

That would really piss me off. But babysitting is traditionally when kids are in bed or with older kids when they can put themselves to bed. I doubt anyone charges £5 an hour to look after 2 toddlers in the day, that's pretty hard work.

If you're going to use her again just set down some general rules and say no sweets. Or find someone else, but if it's daytime you're wanting it is harder as they have to know them well.

YABU at £8 an hour. Round here it’s £10 p/h