CF Food Taker

[Daisyhut]

I am probably being unreasonable but this is really starting to bug me. I have a lovely friend who is nice and kind. However, every time that we go out to lunch she helps herself to my food and to my children's food.

We lunch about twice a week and she always orders a small dish or side plate for herself. She says that she is not hungry. I will order food for me and my three Dc (all under 4).

When the food comes she always just digs into our food. On Thursday she ate most of my kids chips, carrot sticks and guacamole. She also ate several of my Haloumi fries. She did not do it absentmindedly. She heard me order for the kids and said "I cant wait to try the guacamole". I always order extra for the kids when we are with her so that they get enough to eat.

I am 100% sure that she has no financial issues and she is not dieting. Apart from this flaw she is lovely. I would never take her food so it is not something she has seen me do. If I mention it to her she may be offended.

YABU: Don't say anything it is just food.
YANBU: Mention it and risk upsetting her

Laugh lightly next time and say, With all of these public health messages, sharing food seems like a very bad idea. We'll all stick to our own plates or just share within family groups."

Ignore the typos

Touch my food...feel my fork! And mean it!! Cf needs stabbing.

This cant be real people dont behave like this..I couldn't bear someones hands touching my plate of food.🤢

Pin worms for the win!

Bring a pack up for your DCs too.

Yeah, so the restaurant looses out on even more custom due to not being able to tell a pisstaker to stop nicking food off kids' plates

This is why so many cafes have had to to 'No outside food allowed'.

Your children can't have an imaginary disease or illness every single week. Just tell her no, she can't take food off your children's plates

I know you’re saying it’s not financial, but how can you actually know?

She could have a financially abusive partner, she could have lots of debt. Or more likely than not, she’s comfortably off but doesn’t consider ‘eating out’ to be a worthwhile expense. So she gets you to fund it for her.

The packed lunch makes me think it’s a about her attitude to finances.

Just seen your post about taking a packed lunch for her 18 mo. This is totally about money. You say she has enough money so she is just tight as hell. Dh used to have a friend like this. Never his round. That sort of thing.

Now that the weather is getting warmer, perhaps you could take picnics. Ensure you only have enough for the 3 of you. If that doesn’t work I’d ditch the after playgroup lunch with her.

I’m your shoes, I’d either stop going to lunch with her, or order and pay for a plate of fries for her. She’s either a tightwad or does have money problems.

Well the weather is getting better,go to the park after for a picnic and only bring enough for you and your kids.

I would say you're trying to teach your DC manners so could she not take the food, as you dont want your DC to see that that's acceptable.

You could say when ordering ‘now kids remember what we said, no sharing with Auntie CF until you feel like you’re full’ then say to her ‘we always end up hungry with you nicking bits! You’ll have to order plenty’.

I had a "friend" like this. If I complained, she would act all offended and make out I was being mean and selfish. But when I thought about it, I realised she was a CF about everything, not just food. Any opportunity to take anything, she would. Always, "I will pay you back" and if you mentioned it later, she acted like you were petty. She could be kind if it suited her, but her CFery outweighed the moments of kindness.

I dropped her because she aggravated me too much and she would never change.

Use the coronavirus as an excuse & tell her to be sure to order enough for herself as you're being super-hygienic & not sharing food any more?

@SeriouslyRetro I know her very well. We go shopping together often. She has lots of money. Her DH is not controlling in any way. This 100% is not a money issue. She will think nothing of spending £8 on a coffee and cake.

My children do not go hungry because I order extra
Well don’t!

This is so odd - who takes food from children’s plates, especially little ones who are notoriously gross when eating. I would probably go with teaching table manners and a bit of coronavirus prevention and then hope the new way of eating sticks. I wouldn’t be surprised if she pushes it though as she sounds ridiculously cheeky, or she stops meeting you for lunch

I think when it comes to ordering you need to ask her before she orders what she’s going to have, when she says ‘three peas and a side of French dressing’ say ‘oh fair enough, not hungry? Don’t go nicking off my kids plates if you change your mind!’ All breezy.

Don’t order any extras!

It is not perfect to say your kids are taking food off other peoples plates so she needs to stop. That's putting down her own kids and her parenting to round about say stop nicking our food.

And if she reached across the table to their plates I’d do a clipped ‘excuse me! I meant what I said. You can have their scraps after they’ve finished if you must.’ With a tone of disdain.

@Grumpelstilskin Try to look at what is missing in your own life that makes you want to be abusive to strangers on the internet.

Daisyhut I mean this nicely, but really.....
This is not a good example to set your DC in all sorts of ways! Anyone can take anything of their plate??

Nip it in the bud now. Sod the worms excuse... that is not the way to deal with this, to lie to her. You have to front up to her. And to order extra so your DCs get enough because she pinches their food is pretty pathetic, sorry.

Next time.... say 'Oi, please stop nicking stuff off the kids plates. I've bought extra for weeks now because you keep doing this, and I do not want to carry on with that. Please leave my children to eat their meals in peace and leave theirs and my food alone. Thank you. Anyway, what were we talking about beforte you did that....'

Don’t make up an excuse, be honest and just tell her. Or stop going out for lunch. You seem to have a back bone on here so use it in real life. You don’t have to be rude to her.