CF Food Taker

[Daisyhut]

I am probably being unreasonable but this is really starting to bug me. I have a lovely friend who is nice and kind. However, every time that we go out to lunch she helps herself to my food and to my children's food.

We lunch about twice a week and she always orders a small dish or side plate for herself. She says that she is not hungry. I will order food for me and my three Dc (all under 4).

When the food comes she always just digs into our food. On Thursday she ate most of my kids chips, carrot sticks and guacamole. She also ate several of my Haloumi fries. She did not do it absentmindedly. She heard me order for the kids and said "I cant wait to try the guacamole". I always order extra for the kids when we are with her so that they get enough to eat.

I am 100% sure that she has no financial issues and she is not dieting. Apart from this flaw she is lovely. I would never take her food so it is not something she has seen me do. If I mention it to her she may be offended.

YABU: Don't say anything it is just food.
YANBU: Mention it and risk upsetting her

@Grumpelstilskin You don't have to be aggressive just because it is AIBU. I am a real person who does not enjoy confrontation. You don't need to swear at me and call me names. I was just wondering what other people thought.

My children do not go hungry because I order extra. I am not having a negative impact on your life. This is not life or death. There is no reason to be as angry as you are towards me.

You need to tell her the kids are being left hungry as she takes their food. Its not on and not normal.

@willowmelangell Thanks, those are useful suggestions.

Tell her that your trying to teach the children table manners, as they have started taking food from other people’s plates, so would she mind not touching their food or yours, as it’s giving them mixed messages.

This is perfect!

Why are people Sooooo reluctant to offend somebody who is the one doing the offensive thing?!

Tell her , jokey or serious, or only meet for something that isn't food, or stop meeting her or whatever works for you, but for goodness sake don't do nothing for fear of offending the cheeky mare. She's hardly extended you the same privilege has she?

Assaulting her is not an option I am willing to consider.

Spoilt sport.

With Coronavirus say you are worried about germs so she can’t have any of your food - you don’t know where everyone hands have been / what germs people have picked up. Tell her that when you are ordering food and say she might want to order more for herself this time...

Does she have kids?

I like the idea of telling her that I am teaching the kids not to take food from other peoples plates.

I can't imagine ever just helping myself to food from someone's plate. Even someone I'm close to.

Am I weird?

When your food arrives, LICK EVERYTHING :D

If I mention it to her she may be offended
You are such a doormat - no wonder she has no problem openly taking the piss out of you like this.

She is NOT a friend!
She deliberately orders a tiny portion for herself and then deliberately takes food from your AND YOUR CHILDRENS plates!
What kind of person does that repeatedly?
A stingy, selfish, pisstaking cheekyfucker who has spotted a soft-touch to walk all over.

A straight forward "NO! Order your own food!" should suffice.
If she gets upset - why do you care?
She obviously doesn't give two shits about yours or your kids feelings does she?

Tell her there’s been pin worms in family, all treated and sorted now (with a jokingly added we hope!) and say to stop them picking them up again you’re encouraging them not to pick off each other plates. So you’re not doing the food sharing thing for now.

I expect the thought of pin worms will mean she won’t want to pinch your food anymore but even if she does she’s been explicitly asked not to. And it seems like you’d like her so I’m assuming she’ll listen to you.

Personally I’d just go the oi you, kids are on a hunger drive at mo & are starving, order your own chips. But the fact you’ve not done this already suggests you might need a more complicated plan to derail her established behaviour! Good luck!

@funkylittleboatrace Yes she has one DC who is 18 months. She brings a little packed lunch for her DC, so does not order for her.

Tell her you've all got worms, the kids can't stop scratching at their butts and then get them to touch all the food on their plates with their hands and see if she still wants to steal it.

you can borrow my son who absolutely doesn't approve of food sharing and would give her such a look (and then refuse to eat any more, whilst continuing to give her the look) that she'd never do it again!

@Grumpelstilskin You don't have to be aggressive just because it is AIBU. I am a real person who does not enjoy confrontation. You don't need to swear at me and call me names. I was just wondering what other people thought.

My children do not go hungry because I order extra. I am not having a negative impact on your life. This is not life or death. There is no reason to be as angry as you are towards me.

I don't think they were being angry at you, more frustrated. You are being a bit of a wet lettuce. But you called out Grumpelstilskin out for doing something you didn't like, now try that same thing with your friend.

If you really can’t say anything I’d make a really issue of praising your children’s table manners. “Well done Tom, you’re using your knife and fork beautifully’.
‘You asked for that very politely, Joe” “Don’t forget we are using our indoor, restaurant, voices in her’. That engage in conversation with her about how you are preparing your children for school dinners, eating out etc as you can’t abide poor table manners.

Less confrontational ways of dealing with it:

Set the table out differently so you are between her and your DC's food.

Bring a pack up for your DCs too.

Yes she has one DC who is 18 months. She brings a little packed lunch for her DC, so does not order for her.

Well her d lunch,see how she likes it.

so basically you're paying for her lunch every time you meet up?
This is crazy - who lets this kind of thing carry on for so long?

Oh, she's one of those, brings a fucking packed lunch for the toddler, allows him or her to make a mess out of it all for the staff to clean up and orders £1 worth of food. She's a tight arse, OP, wake up! There's nothing nice, lovely or kind about someone who does this. She doesn't give a fuck about you. Once you no longer allow her to sponge off you and your kids, she'll move on to someone else.

I like the idea of telling her that I am teaching the kids not to take food from other peoples plates.

Doesn't the idea that showing your kids that you don't allow people to walk over them and rip the piss out of them sound better?

You can't even TEXT her to say, 'In the future, you need to order enough food for yourself to eat when we go out because taking from our plates is no longer working for us. If you're not hungry then you don't need to take food from our plates but that needs to stop. You need to order enough food for yourself.'

You're one of a long list of people she fucks over. She doesn't care about people, only about what she can get out of them. People like this have a scorched earth approach to life, they use people and then find someone else to use after the mark stops them.

Order food that can't be shared- soup, pasta Bolognese etc

@Justasecondnow I just looked up Pin Worms. Yuck. I think telling her the kids have those would work.

That should say eat her dc lunch and see how she likes it.