CF Food Taker

[Daisyhut]

I am probably being unreasonable but this is really starting to bug me. I have a lovely friend who is nice and kind. However, every time that we go out to lunch she helps herself to my food and to my children's food.

We lunch about twice a week and she always orders a small dish or side plate for herself. She says that she is not hungry. I will order food for me and my three Dc (all under 4).

When the food comes she always just digs into our food. On Thursday she ate most of my kids chips, carrot sticks and guacamole. She also ate several of my Haloumi fries. She did not do it absentmindedly. She heard me order for the kids and said "I cant wait to try the guacamole". I always order extra for the kids when we are with her so that they get enough to eat.

I am 100% sure that she has no financial issues and she is not dieting. Apart from this flaw she is lovely. I would never take her food so it is not something she has seen me do. If I mention it to her she may be offended.

YABU: Don't say anything it is just food.
YANBU: Mention it and risk upsetting her

who rattled your cage Trunky?

Just take your kids home and feed tjem there for a few weeks.

oh give over Trunk . You've no idea about her 'parenting'.

It's a bloody situation that she could handle better which is why she's asking for advice.

When did you get your parenting medal?

You are not sticking up for your children. When we have children, we have to do things sometimes, that make us feel uncomfortable. It's also teaching them bad table manners, and to allow people to walk all over them, that how they feel, doesn't matter.

Being assertive, is different from being confrontational.

I don't understand why, the first time she reached across, you didn't just say "Er, what are you doing?". If she replied "I'm trying X's chips." then you say "Please don't, he's hungry, and anyway, it's bad manners which I don't want him to pick up." There's absolutely nothing "confrontational about that.
You can still say that next time she tries.

Haha! All the best with your parenting then Trunky if you think you can judge others'.

I’d stop meeting her for food, I’m not sure why you have let this continue for so long.

@Isthistrueor - it says in the OP that this is a ‘lovely friend’, so that’s presumably why she meets her for lunch. I think OP is describing an annoying habit (which she needs to ask her friend to stop) rather than a deal breaker.

Excellent post Motoko.

Usually the most timid, non confrontational people are able to stand up for their children or other vulnerable people even if they can't stand up for themselves.

It isn't at all confrontational to ask her not to steal your children's food. I agree that she is probably far too thick skinned to take any notice of subtle hints or passive aggressive comments. You just need to tell her, not ask her, politely and assertively to not steal other people's food. It really, really isn't difficult.

I'm surprised your children haven't said anything yet. I think my 2yo would say something like "mummy, xxx took my chip!" Or "you need to say please before you can take one" or just "No! No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

If you don't want to tell her to stop, you should at least tell her to ask your children's permission nicely before she takes anything.

Cough (fake cough) just as she starts to reach over. And perhaps subtly mention a sore throat.

My 2 year old dd would not be impressed if someone touched her food without asking she's got an amazing death stare

I think if she is a friend you should be able to mention it or maybe take your dc a pack lunch like she takes her little one

I have a colleague who famously orders nothing and says “I’ll just have some of yours” to those eating out with her. I just don’t go to eat with her.
Seriously, OP. If she’s so lovely you can still meet her for coffee.

Therefore YABU to continue eating out with her.

@Daisyhut has she done it again or have you followed advice and warned her when ordering that she needs to buy her own food?

I have a colleague who famously orders nothing and says “I’ll just have some of yours” to those eating out with her. I just don’t go to eat with her

I'd be ready with the big smile and a "No, you won't", every time.

Dd1 has actually said to us ‘joey don’t share food’. Try it with your friend @Daisyhut