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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF Food Taker

342 replies

Daisyhut · 07/03/2020 15:02

I am probably being unreasonable but this is really starting to bug me. I have a lovely friend who is nice and kind. However, every time that we go out to lunch she helps herself to my food and to my children's food.

We lunch about twice a week and she always orders a small dish or side plate for herself. She says that she is not hungry. I will order food for me and my three Dc (all under 4).

When the food comes she always just digs into our food. On Thursday she ate most of my kids chips, carrot sticks and guacamole. She also ate several of my Haloumi fries. She did not do it absentmindedly. She heard me order for the kids and said "I cant wait to try the guacamole". I always order extra for the kids when we are with her so that they get enough to eat.

I am 100% sure that she has no financial issues and she is not dieting. Apart from this flaw she is lovely. I would never take her food so it is not something she has seen me do. If I mention it to her she may be offended.

YABU: Don't say anything it is just food.
YANBU: Mention it and risk upsetting her

OP posts:
Notajogger · 07/03/2020 15:34

I'd stop going for lunch with her.
Could you next time you go say something loudly to the kids along the lines of "I want you to eat all of that, you've not had much to eat this morning" (or something) and see if she still tucks in? And if she does, be more direct.

Reginabambina · 07/03/2020 15:36

Wait until she’s had a good amount then casually mention that the kids were a vomiting this morning and probably have stomach flu.

SauvignonBlanche · 07/03/2020 15:37

Tell her you’ve got Coronavirus 😷

WinterCat · 07/03/2020 15:37

I’d just buy what you and your children want and then pause as you place the order, look at her, and ask whether she wants to share and if so more will need to be ordered. Then make sure she doesn’t help herself if she says no or that she pays for the extras if she says yes.

Original poster
Daisyhut · 07/03/2020 15:38

We tend to go to places where you pay when you order, so asking her to split the bill at the end is not an option.

OP posts:
Nquartz · 07/03/2020 15:41

You really need to say something, a good suggestion up thread to ask her if she's sure because she always has half of yours/DCs food.

justgivemewine · 07/03/2020 15:42

“She heard me order for the kids and said "I cant wait to try the guacamole". ”

Your response “but you haven’t ordered any.???” with a MN head tilt and puzzled expression on your face.

QueenofallIsee · 07/03/2020 15:42

I wouldn't eat with her - she is just very stingy by the sounds of it! I hate that

NettleTea · 07/03/2020 15:43

Id ask her to order extra, as tyou always have to feed the kids again as they are hungry after an hour, and its supposed to be their lunch, not just a snack

VettiyaIruken · 07/03/2020 15:44

Well then you need to tell her when she orders.

tillytoodles1 · 07/03/2020 15:44

My son had a friend like that, he'd just order a starter then pick at everyone else's mains and then eat any food that they left. In the end my son would cover his leftovers in salt, sugar and anything else on the table. He even said to him " let's see you eat that". He was so tight that when my son drove them anywhere he wouldn't drink, so next time someone else drove, his friends would buy him a drink, all except this one who said " he gets his petrol from his dad's company for free"

GrannySlippersAreAStepTooFar · 07/03/2020 15:46

Why on earth are you worried about saying something to her, being rude? She's obviously done away with normal etiquette by just helping herself, she doesn't seem to worry she may be being rude.
Think about it, you're actually allowing her to take food from your childrens plates. Hmm

Applesandpears23 · 07/03/2020 15:50

Discuss what you are ordering with her and suggest she order some a b and c for the table to share and you will order some d e and f. Then she will either have to agree or say she doesn’t want any. If she says that do the head tilt and ask is she sure because she usually has them when you order them. Make sure she orders first and remind her what she is buying for the table to share.

Lynda07 · 07/03/2020 15:52

eezoh Sat 07-Mar-20 15:23:36
I’d mention it but no idea how, it’s so rude. Maybe something along the lines of “let’s order food we can all share and split the bill”.

I thought that, order stuff to share and let the children pick what they want first.
.........
youareatwatadmitit Sat 07-Mar-20 15:24:02
Who has lunch out for four people? twice a week, every week?! 💰💰💰
.......
Not uncommon during school holidays though I note the op's children are 4 and under. Once a week would be more usual with a friend and then on one day over the weekend with husband.

I don't quite know why you asked that - if you lived somewhere far away from shopping centres and cafes of course it wouldn't happen that often but towns have many inexpensive eateries and children love eating out.

Dustarr73 · 07/03/2020 15:56

Why are you upset over offending her,shes leaving your kids hungry.

Just tell her before you meet up,over text.That way you can say what you need to say without feeling awkward.

dottiedodah · 07/03/2020 15:56

I dont think she is as "nice and kind " as you think she is ! Anyone eating their friends food is bad enough ,but to take food away from children is deplorable IMO! I would just meet up for a drink and maybe once a week not twice .She is either less well off than you think ,or is one of those annoying people who are "never hungry" dont eat much and then go to the Buffet several times to fill her plate up!

ambereeree · 07/03/2020 15:56

Just say the kids get upset when you take their food. If she tries to tell them to share say no its their decision.

Hirsutefirs · 07/03/2020 15:56

If you’re too nice to stab her hand, mark it with a permanent pen each time it goes near your lunch.

Foghead · 07/03/2020 15:59

Ask her why she does it.
Say ‘why do you not order enough for yourself and end up taking my kids food?’

Trethew · 07/03/2020 15:59

As PP said:

“Do you mind waiting till my children have finished?”

IntermittentParps · 07/03/2020 16:00

Just tell her, 'Stop taking that' when she starts.
And when she says things like 'I cant wait to try the guacamole', say, 'You'll need to order some for yourself so there's enough.'

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 07/03/2020 16:02

Tell her that your trying to teach the children table manners, as they have started taking food from other people’s plates, so would she mind not touching their food or yours, as it’s giving them mixed messages.

Or simply grow some ovaries and tell her that she will need to order extra, as you want to enjoy your own food, without having to feed the kids again, when you get home.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 07/03/2020 16:03

If you’re too nice to stab her hand, mark it with a permanent pen each time it goes near your lunch.

I love that idea. It will certainly make her aware of how much food she’s stealing from your children.

notanotherjigsawpiece · 07/03/2020 16:04

Your children are very tolerant! Mine would have hated this, even at toddler age.

Happygirl79 · 07/03/2020 16:05

I saw a guy like that on the TV show The Undateables
He had autism or something like that. He was not aware that he was doing anything that was socially unacceptable.
I am not having a dig at anyone with autism here
Just making a point