CF Food Taker

[Daisyhut]

I am probably being unreasonable but this is really starting to bug me. I have a lovely friend who is nice and kind. However, every time that we go out to lunch she helps herself to my food and to my children's food.

We lunch about twice a week and she always orders a small dish or side plate for herself. She says that she is not hungry. I will order food for me and my three Dc (all under 4).

When the food comes she always just digs into our food. On Thursday she ate most of my kids chips, carrot sticks and guacamole. She also ate several of my Haloumi fries. She did not do it absentmindedly. She heard me order for the kids and said "I cant wait to try the guacamole". I always order extra for the kids when we are with her so that they get enough to eat.

I am 100% sure that she has no financial issues and she is not dieting. Apart from this flaw she is lovely. I would never take her food so it is not something she has seen me do. If I mention it to her she may be offended.

YABU: Don't say anything it is just food.
YANBU: Mention it and risk upsetting her

Just call her out on it or let your DC do it. I wouldn’t want her helping herself to my DC’s food

Someone who has the brass neck to do this won't be put off by excuses about illness or teaching the kids manners. You need to put your big girl pants on and be more direct. 'You order an adult meal for yourself today, Friend, because the kids are hungry and I want them to have all of their food'. If she says she's not hungry then say 'as long as you're sure, because the kids are eating all their own food themselves today'. If needed, when it comes and she reaches for it, you need to say 'Friend, can you not do that, please? I want the kids to be able to eat all their own food'. Move her hand away gently but firmly if needed - no fork stabbing!

This probably seems impossible but will be the quickest way to stop this happening. Practice saying all this in a neutral tone of voice before you go. If she gets cross or emotional, stick to your script and your calm tone of voice. You can do this.

My 2 would have lost their shit as toddlers if anyone nicked food off their plates!

Is your friend one of those ridiculous women who thinks she needs to appear to have the appetite of a bird so orders tiny portions but in reality she could easily eat like a horse?whatever her thought process she’s annoying and rude and I wouldn’t go out for food and would tell her so if she asked.

She's just a tight arse OP. Lots of people have money but never pay for their share. You say nothing and seethe internally or just mention she should order something bigger. You'll embarrass her or maybe she has no shame...

It’s not cheeky, it’s really rude. You’re clearly far more easy going that I am, I’d have had a very blunt word with her by now.

@Daisyhut - stop ordering extra. Only order for you & your kids. If she goes for food on your children's plates just say:
"Mary, that's David's food. Stop eating David's food" or
"Mary, that's food for Jane. Stop eating Jane's lunch" and if she keeps doing it, say
"Mary, you need to order your own portion of X and Y or you'll have to replace David and Jane's lunches"

Put an end to it without causing any issues.

Ask her if everything is ok?
Because you have noticed she is taking your DC food and you would rather she told you if she cant afford the lunches out and prefer it if she didnt do this .

Suggest you can do other things , a walk, park instead.
If she says
No, nothings up, just firmly tell her you dont like her taking their food, she needs to buy her own .
People usually take great offence at you mentioning stuff like this though, so be prepared for the fallout

Or simply grow some ovaries

THAT is the WAY TO GO!

I think you need to say something like ‘hey, don’t take their food, you can have their leftovers when they’ve finished’ see if that gets through to her. I think she’s a tightwad.

@Daisyhut As someone else mentioned, say you are teaching the children not to take food from others plates. When at school they are not allowed to so they would have a mix message.

My 3yo would scream at her and I can't say I'd blame him to be honest. It would really wind him up. Having his lunch stolen by an adult? It's hard to make sense of that as a young child.

My 7yo (SEN) is very, very sensitive so he'd get very upset and probably stop eating and cry if she kept doing it.

I'd try and approach it whilst out with just her, in a lighthearted way and just say your DC last time mentioned something (about how they didn't like it) so would she mind just ordering her own to avoid a tantrum/meltdown/whinging, please and thank you

sugar tits really? Misogyny at its best.

@Grumpelstilskin Good one. In all seriousness, try to work out why you get a thrill from being unpleasant to people that you don't know. I am so sorry for you. You come across as a very unhappy person.

I can't get behind the fact you buy extra so your children don't go hungry. Why would you do that?

I think PPs are right when they have said that you need to be setting a better example to your kids. They shouldn't have to let someone pick food off their plates.

I would order her a plate of something next time, and when it's brought to the table say "that's yours so you don't have to share with my DC, they're hungry today" and smile.

@Quicklittlenamechange I love the idea of asking if she is OK for money. I know she is OK for money but this would be a great way to raise the topic of food taking.

I do think she needs telling directly that you want your children to have enough so can she order herself whatever extras she wants. I feel bad for the children. She's such a CF.

I had friends who used to do this, it was an eating disorder thing.

You need to comment, just say, we are starving is that all you’re ordering, as today, I warn you we aren’t sharing food, so best you order what you need to eat.

Do it with a smile, and then when she tries to help herself, say sorry, I did say but feel free to order something from the waiter.

If she’s a CF and you ask her if she’s alright for money, there’s a good chance she’ll take it as an offer to pay for her lunch.

Just say “would you mind just letting the kids eat their food and not taking anything off their plates? I don’t want them to be hungry later. Thanks” and then just breezily carry on with conversation

Don’t teach your kids the lesson that it’s okay for other people to help themselves to their stuff.

Fine to teach them to be generous and offer, but telling them it alright for someone to help themselves is not good.

When mine were young, one of them would have possibly let it happen because it's an adult and mummy's friend, but she would have said something when we got home and asked me why Dora kept taking her food. OP, what would you answer to that?
The other two would have screamed blue murder.

Please stop beating about the bush, asking her if she's OK for money, she's too thick skinned to get it, and if she said fine... why... would you really really carry through and say out the blue 'because you take my childrens' food'??

Catch her at it, and say NO PLEASE STOP TAKING OUR FOOD.

I can't believe you didn't grab the opportunity when she said she was looking forward to the guacamole! I would've said... have you ordered some then? And when she says No, that was your ideal opportunity...

'You keep taking my kids food, order your own guacamole or anything else you want, but from now on, you can't eat their food'

Actually the manners thing is a good one.

Just say, is that all you’re ordering, if you’re hungry you should order more, I know you often share the kids, but I’m teaching them not to eat off of others plates, save arguments, so would be great if we didn’t do that today.

She has to respect it and it can’t cause offence.

This would put me on edge and 100% ruin my meal! I think you're going to have to say something. Or sit so that she does not have access to the food you have ordered for your kids.

@Bluntness100 Was it compulsive eating or did your friend think calories she didn't order don't count?