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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF Food Taker

342 replies

Daisyhut · 07/03/2020 15:02

I am probably being unreasonable but this is really starting to bug me. I have a lovely friend who is nice and kind. However, every time that we go out to lunch she helps herself to my food and to my children's food.

We lunch about twice a week and she always orders a small dish or side plate for herself. She says that she is not hungry. I will order food for me and my three Dc (all under 4).

When the food comes she always just digs into our food. On Thursday she ate most of my kids chips, carrot sticks and guacamole. She also ate several of my Haloumi fries. She did not do it absentmindedly. She heard me order for the kids and said "I cant wait to try the guacamole". I always order extra for the kids when we are with her so that they get enough to eat.

I am 100% sure that she has no financial issues and she is not dieting. Apart from this flaw she is lovely. I would never take her food so it is not something she has seen me do. If I mention it to her she may be offended.

YABU: Don't say anything it is just food.
YANBU: Mention it and risk upsetting her

OP posts:
TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 07/03/2020 16:05

She is taking you for the fool that you are

Nice of you to sub her lunches so regularly Smile

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/03/2020 16:06

I wouldn't have a conversation with her at the table, I'd have it with her by herself, one to one saying that I don't like her helping herself to my children's food and I won't have it. If we're still eating out together then she needs to order her food and just eat that.

I can't believe posters coming up with these bravado techniques, stabbing somebody with a fork, inking them, coming up with pithy rebuffs... if it were that easy for the OP, she would have done it, wouldn't she?

Just be straight with her OP - but you don't need an audience for that.

skeemee · 07/03/2020 16:06

My friend used to do a similar thing! She was “too posh” to order chips for her own son, then used to grab handfuls from my son’s plate. I let it slide for a while, then eventually asked her not to do that as my son was still hungry. She looked shocked but didn’t do it again.

She used to pretend to everyone that her son “wasn’t allowed” to watch tv, eat junk food, chocolate or anything that wasn’t organic. It was all lies and actually quite sad.

We are no longer friends 🤣

FetchezLaVache · 07/03/2020 16:07

I'd try a jokey approach first - after all, you've been tolerating it for so long she must assume you don't mind - and say something like, this had better not be another of those "Oh, I'm not hungry" days when you end up stealing half of our food, Matilda!

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 07/03/2020 16:07

And it IS a money issue, some well-off people are notoriously stingy with the little things

I have a friend who goes on expensive holidays and has kids in private school, yet always “forgets” her wallet, or “only brought a fiver”, or eats half my food

We no longer go out together

Wallywobbles · 07/03/2020 16:09

Stabby fork in this house.

Pinkyyy · 07/03/2020 16:10

You need to stop her, she's taking the piss.

Poptart4 · 07/03/2020 16:11

I hate confrontation so I can understand why you haven't said anything. Honestly I'd rather stop going to lunch with her, than risk an awkward conversation. Is there anything else you could do with her? Maybe just go for a coffee after the children have already eaten?

DontBe · 07/03/2020 16:14

Why are you worried about upsetting her when she doesn’t give a shit about upsetting you?

Eddielzzard · 07/03/2020 16:14

You have to stop her. Don't worry about being rude. I would say something like 'make sure you order enough. I don't want you taking our food again.'

Original poster
Daisyhut · 07/03/2020 16:16

I am quite surprised by the amount of people suggesting that I stab my friend with a fork. Assaulting her is not an option I am willing to consider.

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 07/03/2020 16:16

Why on earth are you such a pushover? I would just say "you can't eat my children's food or my food. Buy your own"

Grow a backbone and stand up for your and your children.

mummmy2017 · 07/03/2020 16:17

You have to tell her.
X please don't eat our food.
You need to order yourself a meal.
Then make sure you sit by her so she has to reach over to get too your children.
You need to tell her to stop stealing the food if she tries.

Frenchw1fe · 07/03/2020 16:19

If it was just me I may put up with it but do not let her eat your dc's food. You're their mum and should put them first. You're actually putting her in front of the dc.
Feed your dc's early and just buy a drink next time if you can't say anything.

Chloemol · 07/03/2020 16:20

Just don’t meet her for lunch, go after for a coffee or something

Grumpelstilskin · 07/03/2020 16:20

This reply has been deleted

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EverythingChanges321 · 07/03/2020 16:21

OP, Why are you teaching your children that other people can treat your family like shit and to simply accept this rather than asserting yourself?

Are you that desperate to be liked?

You can confront someone’s poor behaviour without being aggressive. Real Life isn’t like EastEnders you know?

Please, if not for you, but for the sake of your children, assert your boundaries with this dreadful woman.

Original poster
Daisyhut · 07/03/2020 16:21

We go to a playgroup and then straight out to lunch so feeding the DC earlier is not an option.
I think I probably do need to say something to her if I want to continue having lunch with her as it is very irritating.

OP posts:
crapette · 07/03/2020 16:22

What the fuck is wrong with people.

Just tell her to order what she wants to eat and leave your food alone.
If she can't do this, never go for lunch with her again and tell her it is because she constantly takes the food that you have chosen and paid for.

It's hardly rocket science is it?

willowmelangell · 07/03/2020 16:22

Can you sit at a different table? One where it is harder to reach across. Find a way to sit the dc as far as poss from her grabby hand. Baricade the dc plates with the menu, drinks, your handbag?

At the counter "Are you sure that is all you are ordering?" When she says yes, say "I don't want you taking the dc food."
Or sneeze over your plateGrin

datasgingercatspot · 07/03/2020 16:23

FFS, are people in real life really this lily-livered? She's not nice, lovely or kind. She's tighter than a duck's arse. What a shit example you set to your kids letting some skinflint nick their bloody food! Just fucking tell her, 'You need to order enough for yourself to eat. We want to eat all our food and don't appreciate your taking any of it before we've finished eating.' Or if you're too much of a wet lettuce to do that, stop meeting her for food. Do walks in the park or beach combing or something else that doesn't involve food and if she asks why tell her that you don't like the way she takes food off your plates.

Jesus wept.

Dustarr73 · 07/03/2020 16:24

@Daisyhut which is why i suggested you text her and let her know from the next time she has to buy her own food.The kids are still hungry and thats not right.

SerenDippitty · 07/03/2020 16:25

Say, loudly, when she starts to dig in “ I thought you said you weren’t hungry?”

LovingLola · 07/03/2020 16:26

Is Mn full of doormats and martyrs???

datasgingercatspot · 07/03/2020 16:26

WTF do you mean it's not an option. No one forces you to sit there and let her take food off your kids' plates! Fucking hell. Just stop going to lunch after the playgroups (does she not order for own kid then)! 'Sorry, no lunch today' or grow up and tell her, 'I think the lunches need to stop unless you order for yourself what you want to eat because the taking off our plates is not on.'