Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF Food Taker

342 replies

Daisyhut · 07/03/2020 15:02

I am probably being unreasonable but this is really starting to bug me. I have a lovely friend who is nice and kind. However, every time that we go out to lunch she helps herself to my food and to my children's food.

We lunch about twice a week and she always orders a small dish or side plate for herself. She says that she is not hungry. I will order food for me and my three Dc (all under 4).

When the food comes she always just digs into our food. On Thursday she ate most of my kids chips, carrot sticks and guacamole. She also ate several of my Haloumi fries. She did not do it absentmindedly. She heard me order for the kids and said "I cant wait to try the guacamole". I always order extra for the kids when we are with her so that they get enough to eat.

I am 100% sure that she has no financial issues and she is not dieting. Apart from this flaw she is lovely. I would never take her food so it is not something she has seen me do. If I mention it to her she may be offended.

YABU: Don't say anything it is just food.
YANBU: Mention it and risk upsetting her

OP posts:
custardbear · 08/03/2020 03:14

Goodness she sounds awful!

I'm with the people who say perhaps you should order a little more food as otherwise my kids miss out and go hungry, or take her child's food and share with your children

TheSerenDipitY · 08/03/2020 04:11

as she reaches for the food say... can you not! i have to take them home and make them more food after we have had lunch as you have eaten half of it and i shouldnt have to do that, just get an order of it for yourself please

PixieDustt · 08/03/2020 04:18

YANBU. I'd be telling her to fuck right off and stop being a stingy bitch.
When me and my DP first got together he had the audacity to reach over to grab something off my plate. My fork very nearly went through his hand. Manners.

Harakeke · 08/03/2020 05:59

@Ginfordinner I get that, but there is absolutely no reason to be unkind, or tell OP to grow a fucking backbone or other such aggressive advice. At the end of the day, it has nothing to do with anyone else other than the OP, so no need to get so wound up.

Noshowlomo · 08/03/2020 09:35

Just tell her to order her own food!

MrsCollinssettled · 08/03/2020 10:11

Stop over ordering for a start as she can probably justify nicking their food to herself if you've ordered loads.

If you're children are old enough the pp suggestion of teaching them to yell "mine" if she goes near their food is a good one. If she queries it you can say that because of COVID19 you're having to teach them not to share things and maintain good hygiene.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/03/2020 10:51

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll your username made me laugh out loud!

Thanks - it is rather appropriate for this thread!

I'd add 'StolenFromKids' at the end, but it's already at the maximum number of characters Grin

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/03/2020 10:57

I'm with the people who say perhaps you should order a little more food as otherwise my kids miss out and go hungry

That solves one problem, though, but not the other two - the terrible lesson it teaches the children about boundaries and consent and the fact that OP is effectively forced to pay for another person's food, as well as the food for herself and her three children. The friend is being rewarded financially for her selfish actions whilst the mother of three young children has her budget stretched even further to enable it.

Roussette · 08/03/2020 11:04

To start with, do not order extra to cover her nicking food.

Then, that means your DCs won't have enough to eat if she carries on which means you will have to deal with it. You are obviously finding it hard to confront, so if you don't over order, you will have no choice. Or let your DCs go hungry.

Twice a week feeding someone else for nothing is plain daft

BlueJava · 08/03/2020 11:31

The next time you go out look at her whilst she is looking at the menu and say "Can you order what you need this time please, we're hungry and we're not sharing". If she laughs it off tell her you're sick of her nicking your food.

Nanny0gg · 08/03/2020 11:42

I cannot believe this fuss!

Either don't go out to eat with her or just very politely say, 'Please stop doing that, the kids need to eat their own meals'

I would say there is an issue over food for her as you say she is overweight. If she constantly nicks other people's food, no wonder.

But why would you put up with such rudeness??

CeibaTree · 08/03/2020 11:49

She sounds like a total cheapskate as well as having food issues - why bring a packed lunch for an 18mo - do the restaurant not mind her doing this?
I think a couple of weeks not having lunch with her after the playgroup could be the way to break this habit of hers. If she asks why you can't go for lunch just say there's no point spending money for your DCs lunch as they always leave hungry so you'll be having lunch at home. You could always invite her to join you at home if you feel like it.

JustFamily · 08/03/2020 11:59

You'd rather tell her that your kids have worms than tell her to back off?
That's a joke I fucking hope!

@JesusInTheCabbageVan
Both of those are perfect. However I'm not sure OP has the cojones for it.

mummmy2017 · 08/03/2020 12:24

Maybe as you pack up to leave turn to her and say this.
Dear friend, can you order a full meal today as your taking food off my children's plates is causing them to do this at home and I would like to stop them from thinking this is an ok way thing to do.

Derbee · 08/03/2020 12:28

Again, why blame the children? They’re not in the wrong.
It’s the CF friend.

VeganCow · 08/03/2020 12:40

Start taking packed lunches and see if she still tries nicking it! Then you know she's doing it on purpose, she probs has food issues, is she always trying to diet?

datasgingercatspot · 08/03/2020 12:57

CFers have hides like rhinos so tying yourself in knots with silly, adolescent PA ways to deal with it, hints, excuses, are like water on ducks' backs to them. They don't give a fuck. They're users and as long as you capitulate to them, then you enjoy being mugged off, too; on some level, it works for you (martyr complex, usually). So why even ask? You won't say a dickie bird to this cow. Taking your own kids' food punishes the restaurant, but hey, you get to keep this CF in your life so win-win for you.

You've lost my sympathy over the way you've responded to @Grumpelstilskin. Try using that level of anger at the person taking your kids' food and expecting you to subside their lunches out, ratified than some random on the internet.

This.

datasgingercatspot · 08/03/2020 13:00

And texting someone along the lines of 'from now on you will need to order enough food for yourself as my children and I would like to eat all of our meal' is hardly confrontation.

AriadnesFilament · 08/03/2020 13:02

First off, don’t do it in a way that blames the kids (e.g. worms or that they’re copying her behaviour) or spurious health concerns like Coronavirus.

Second, you’ve got a really easy, non-confrontational way to deal with this just waiting for you. Next time she does something akin to “can’t wait to try the guacamole” then you reply with “oh, are you ordering one too? I didn’t realise, this one’s for the kids. Let me know how yours is, they’ll demolish theirs, they’re starving.” If she doesn’t order one ask her “Oh I thought you were having one too? Have you changed your mind?” and say nothing more until the food comes. Unless she’s completely dense that ought to be enough of a cue that she’ll stop herself taking their food.
If she still hasn’t taken your lead and goes for whatever is you’ve already told her is theirs, just move it out of her way so it’s closer to the children without even saying anything. If she says anything, just say in a slightly confused but cheery tone “but, it’s for the children, I told you that when we were ordering!” and leave it there. She’d have to have the hide of a rhino to reach over and carry on after that.

Fr0g · 08/03/2020 13:09

tell her in advance of next meal that you know she usually 'shares' from other people's plates, but no longer acceptable with coronavirus, please can she keep her (grabby) mitts to herself going forward?

BumbleBeee69 · 08/03/2020 13:09

I wouldn't meet her again.. period

Zhuleva · 08/03/2020 13:11

A friend helped herself to some of my pudding once and before I knew what I’d done I’d stabbed her hand with my fork.
JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD

onlinelinda · 08/03/2020 13:18

That's a great approach, Biscuitbarrels. Although after that if she tried you'd just need to tell her straight to stop.

I do think the Coronavirus and sharing point is excellent though, too.

AriadnesFilament · 08/03/2020 13:31

Well, yes, if she still tried to help herself after all that then you’d have right tell her to stop, but then you’d be into the realms of something else, because, really, who’d do that?!

Beautiful3 · 08/03/2020 13:36

You really shouldn't be allowing her to eat from the childrens plates. That's awful. I would say, "make sure you order what you'll eat as you cant share with the kids anymore. They're growing and eating more now. So they will eat what they have ordered" If she still orders a side dish and leans over to take food from the kids. Just say, "no you cant take their food, otherwise they'll be hungry. Ask the waitress to bring you what you want."

Its partly your fault you know. Your kids rely on you to ensure they get to eat. You're allowing a grown up to take their food. If you dont stop it, then you're a wet drip.