CF Food Taker

[Daisyhut]

I am probably being unreasonable but this is really starting to bug me. I have a lovely friend who is nice and kind. However, every time that we go out to lunch she helps herself to my food and to my children's food.

We lunch about twice a week and she always orders a small dish or side plate for herself. She says that she is not hungry. I will order food for me and my three Dc (all under 4).

When the food comes she always just digs into our food. On Thursday she ate most of my kids chips, carrot sticks and guacamole. She also ate several of my Haloumi fries. She did not do it absentmindedly. She heard me order for the kids and said "I cant wait to try the guacamole". I always order extra for the kids when we are with her so that they get enough to eat.

I am 100% sure that she has no financial issues and she is not dieting. Apart from this flaw she is lovely. I would never take her food so it is not something she has seen me do. If I mention it to her she may be offended.

YABU: Don't say anything it is just food.
YANBU: Mention it and risk upsetting her

Next time you go out, when you're looking at menus say something like 'I think you need to order something more substantial than that Joan, remember last time you were still hungry and had half the dc's food?'

This! From back on page 1

I'm usually quite reserved and tolerant but in this instance I would have to tell her straight.
Maybe something like, "Are you sure you've ordered enough for yourself? The kids are hungry and don't want to share", in a light hearted but firm way.
I wouldn't be impressed if she was taking off my children's plates!

How about teaching your dc to shout:

"MINE!!!"

@Daisyhut if your aggressive response to Grumplestiltskin is anything to go by I'm amazed you are having an issue with this!
A very simple, I am not sharing food from my or my children's plates today before you order will solve it.

I like to eat the food I ordered. I usually quote Smithy from the famous ‘curry’ episode of Gavin & Stacey if I get a hint that someone plans to share.

but in reality it’s actually very difficult to do so, it’s not as simple as it seems
It really really really doesn’t have to be. There’s a lot different things the op could say to the “friend” to stop her helping herself .
If you are close enough to meet up with someone twice a week it shouldn’t be difficult to say stop taking my kids food.
If people think this is a difficult thing to deal with I actually wonder how they would deal with a real life issue

Just politely ask her not to if you want to carry on seeing her for lunch. I'd be really peed off by her CFery, but I'd be diplomatic if I valued her friendship.

@Daisyhut - you really have my sympathy. I had a similar problem with the wife of a couple that my DH and I used to go out with for dinner. She and her DH regularly helped each other to their own food (not my thing but OK if that's what you like), but she also felt that it was OK to continually dig a spoon into my pudding too. I sometimes suggested that perhaps she should order her own pudding, but she maintained that she wouldn't be able to eat all of it. I wanted to say, "well I would like to eat all mine". I hated having someone double-dipping their spoon into my dessert, I cannot bear to share food.

I never did successfully solve the problem. I would rearrange the table to dry to block access to my food with candles, the menu, the salt and pepper. She would move them out of the way. I was quite young and she was older, and I just didn't have the confidence to tackle her about something which - as an obvious food-sharer (with her DH) - she thought was perfectly acceptable.

I'd feel more confident about it now, and would just say that I would prefer not to share my food. And smile through gritted teeth. With all the issues with certain viruses around now, I would definitely use that as a reason though.

Don't meet her for lunch...or get there earlier and feed dc just to coffee/tea with her

Asking someone to stop stealing your food is not being confrontational. It is being assertive. You can absolutely politely ask her to stop doing this. It isn't difficult.

She is doing it because she can.

It is time to put those big girl pants on and stand up for you and your children. Stop being a doormat. You are a poor role model for your children.

C-19 virus concerns for no food sharing.
Suggest your children to pretend sneeze over the food.. or say they have had gastro bug recently and you don't want to risk sharing bugs.

Ask her "why are you eating my food?"

You've lost my sympathy over the way you've responded to @Grumpelstilskin. Try using that level of anger at the person taking your kids' food and expecting you to subside their lunches out, ratified than some random on the internet.

When ordering ask her more than once" if she is sure she doesnt to order more as she obviously didnt have enough last time and ate the childrens food " make sure you say it in a loud voice

Why not reach over and help yourself to her kids packed lunch then? Because that's how cheeky she's being to you.

On a serious note, just say please could you order x if you want it. These aren't sharing plates and I'm not prepared to order double next time. If you're hungry then you need to order more.

Or when you've ordered guacamole and she says can't wait to try it. Just say that she needs to order her own as yours isn't up for grabs.

Ask her "why are you eating my food?"

This would seem to be the most obvious thing to do.

Tell her food sharing spreads coronavirus (it doesn't but who cares....)

This is costing you money as you have to order extra food for your children. Why are you subsidising her lunch?

Lots of good and polite suggestions here OP
I'm sure you can find something that will help

Sounds like she may have issues with food.

Is she overweight?

@springydaff she is very overweight but seems fine with it.

@Butterymuffin I like my friend and want to keep a good relationship with her.

Grumplstilltskin is a stranger who is being abusive on the internet . They are very different situations.

@StinkyHedgehog Thanks for sharing. I would be very uncomfortable with someone double dipping a spoon into my pudding.

I think the problem is that this behaviour is so alien to me that it is really difficult to confront her without hurting her feelings. I will say something though as it is ruining our time together.

Mate, don’t fanny around things.

“Don’t eat mine or my kids food order your own”

Or just get a water spray bottle and shout ‘NO’

How about you start picking at her child’s lunchbox and see how she likes it?