Am I the only woman in the UK whose..

[LovelyIssues]

Husband has NEVER seen them completely without makeup. Been together 11 years..

Main reason why is I have roscea, acne scars, awful redness and uneven skin.. I hate it and try and hide it as much as possible so I can honestly say he's never without even a bit of foundation on

Honestly OP go see a proper dermatologist. There is so much they can do nowadays. Bad skin can really ruin your confidence.

Have you seen your GP to get help for your skin? I used to have awful rosacea, the GP couldn’t believe how bad it was. I’ve been taking Lymecycline for a couple of years now and it’s been amazing. I used to have lots of lumps and spots and now there’s nothing.

You guys have all been so lovely, thankyou!! I was totally expecting to be greeted with "you're weird" or you're so vain so thanks for that I haven't seen a dermatologist because I would have to take my makeup off to show them. I know I sound SO pathetic! It is exhausting!

He would definitely say something like 'whats happened to your face!'

But after 11 years he must know you have rosacea, surely? I'm assuming he's a competent adult who can understand the concept of skin issues?

Thanks for all the recommendations too - lots to look into. It's all come to a head with me as we're going on holiday in May with friends (all staying in the same appt) only one bathroom and it's so pathetic but all I'm thinking is how am I going to hide this!? What makeup will stay on all day (my skin is v oily too!) It's just so draining

All this energy, time and expense you've wasted hiding this could have been used to just see a dermatologist and get it fixed, or at least to a comfortable level. Or on a psychologist to sort self-esteem issues.

Make-up really doesn't hide skin problems very well, I bet your husband will not care or be remotely surprised.

I think you have to ask yourself honestly, if you're husband were to be in a car crash tomorrow and his face gets rearranged with horrible scars.... would it change the way you feel about him? If no.... why are you assuming his love for you is based on your looks. You are making him out to be very shallow. You need to sit him down and explain about your condition and how you have been afraid of his reaction. His reaction to that conversation will tell you most of what you need to know. Then you need to show him some info on the condition and then show him what you look like make up free. This way he will have some time to prepare. An 11 year relationship can surely not all be based on looks??

I'm not sure what your financial situation is, but you could look into laser treatment. I've been having vascular laser treatments for redness / red veins, and it really has improved the quality of my skin. Different laser settings help for different issues - e.g. redness / acne / pigmentation. Just make sure you go to someone reputable. They should do patch tests and build up the settings over time.
Last August, at the age of 43, I went to a cosmetic skin clinic for the first time. I had an initial consultation with a doctor, and she talked about different products / procedures that would help with my skin. I'm quite cynical, so have only committed to any of the suggestions after A LOT of thought and research. But she was really spot on about everything, and I look so much better. I really regret not doing this a decade ago.

@IntermittentParps he honestly doesn't know. If I could find something for the redness and I do still get odd spots (but it's mainly scarring) I would happily take it off and night and hopefully cut down in the day would be my dream!

This is the saddest thread. I had the worst imaginable adult acne until I was in my mid-40s and finally got put on Roaccutane (honestly, my entire face was regularly one massive infected weeping mess of spots). It was hideous. My husband was never anything other than completely supportive - FFS why wouldn't he be? It's a medical condition like any other. The thought of having to cover up my face and pretend I had perfect skin is just inconceivable. He's your husband - of course he won't be shocked.

@Krong you're so right. It holds me back in so many ways! We have 2 children and we do take them swimming but I'm so cautious. I'd love to just dunk my face in and be silly with them. He has noticed that and said I was being boring etc and he's totally right but that's not actually me! As a child I was very adventurous - loved nothing more then splash parks, flumes etc and I still have that in me!

OP, is your husband a good guy? You're not giving him a lot of credit here. He married you. He's going to see you every day of your life, into your 80s, 90s - do you really expect to still be leaping up at that age to fetch the tinted moisturiser?

This post has reminded me of something. When I was pregnant and throwing up all the time, I also managed to get tonsilitis. I was lying on the couch in my jammies, hadn't even showered or brushed my hair, and DH came home from work and did an absolute double take and said 'you look absolutely beautiful'.

Now, I didn't - but that meant a lot to me, someone who does wear make up all the time. He didn't like me for my perfectly made up face, he loved what was underneath it all a bit more.

he honestly doesn't know

OK, so if you told him would he run screaming for the hills?
Probably not.
Go to a dermatologist.

@vdbfamily it wouldn't change how I felt at all but then I'm really unshallow which sounds ridiculous after living like this since a young teenager! He is quite shallow in all honesty

I couldn't afford a dermatologist or laser treatments. If someone could recommend something for the awful redness at least that is affordable over the counter I would be eternally grateful.

Check out a brand called “the ordinary” they have a lot of brilliant things for the burnt face. I think it’s rosehip oil and an acid type moisturiser. Google it and follow the regime. It worked for my friend. Do you also have issues with your eyes? They sometimes go hand in hand. Rosacea can be linked with eye issues like blepharitis. Get tea tree oil eye wipes. Use them twice a day

@LovelyIssues

Try healsporin cream- its great for cracked, inflamed, red, dry, sore skin- it has sea buckthorn oil in it which is great for roscecea - you can get it on amazon and its not expensive

@NurseButtercup may I ask what you used please to clear it

I have roscea, scarring, spots, oily skin and still have breakouts.

I'm a mess

Bless you, I'm sorry you feel that is necessary. Your husband probably wouldn't even notice if you stopped (I mean that in a good way).

I only wear makeup when I feel very pressured in to it (weddings etc ) because I hate the way it feels on my face and I know DM will scowl unless I've made myself look like a different person

In every day life I do flannel/soap, out the door.

It just seems a bizarre custom, that only women are subjected to really. I have autism, so that also may be why I don't see the point in it.

www.beautybay.com/p/the-ordinary/100-organic-cold-pressed-rose-hip-seed-oil/

Years ago I had a partner whom I adored. I would remove make up very late at night and dim the lights. I would get up half an hour before he woke up so I could put make up on.
These days (different partner) he has seen me with and without make up. Will comment if we are going out and I wear it but truly wouldn't worry if not.
Been together 15 years and will still whistle when I pop downstairs wrapped in just a towel and bedraggled hair from shower.
Please talk to him as previous posters have said.
💐

@probablysue I have been recommended the Ordinary products by a friend and started using one which did help with oiliness and the large pores. It's mainly the terrible redness . No issues with eyes

Have you seen a GP, OP? They can prescribe treatment and/or refer you to a dermatologist.

I haven't seen a dermatologist because I would have to take my makeup off to show them. They deal with all kinds of skin complaints; they will have seen MUCH worse!

Right I have ordered the rose hip oil! I shall keep you updated you're all so lovely