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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I the only woman in the UK whose..

404 replies

LovelyIssues · 05/03/2020 23:24

Husband has NEVER seen them completely without makeup. Been together 11 years..

Main reason why is I have roscea, acne scars, awful redness and uneven skin.. I hate it and try and hide it as much as possible so I can honestly say he's never without even a bit of foundation on Blush

OP posts:
Wa1kthisway · 06/03/2020 00:13

Miss Maseil... is that you?

TheWordmeister · 06/03/2020 00:14

That’s amazing! Do you never have a bath or shower together, swim on holiday...?

I’m sure he wouldn’t care a jot anyway.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 06/03/2020 00:14

Have you seen a dermatologist? Do you ever have facials for sensitive skin? I see a dermatologist annually (not for the same reasons) and I also have facials a few times a year.

I think it's awful that you feel so self-conscious about your skin with the person you love, please try to get some professional advice. Could you go private for a dermatologist's appointment, it would be worth it if they were able to help?

chatwoo · 06/03/2020 00:16

Please see your GP or a Dermatologist about the rosacea redness. It can be treated or at least significantly reduced.

FrockFrockFrockityFrock · 06/03/2020 00:24

Glad someone else mentioned Mrs. Maisel lol. I thought the same when reading OP.

nevernotstruggling · 06/03/2020 00:26

I completely relate op. I have trichotilomania. My eyebrows are a mess and I still relapse and rip out my eyelashes. Going without eye make up just isn't an option for me.

I have lived with a man in the past and taken it off at night but it makes me feel awful. On my own I take it off. Also bare eyelashes is a trigger for me I can't judt not wear mascara I will pull.

Meanwhile op I cut make up in the day right down to just powder, eyebrow make up and mascara. It's good to start this when you have a bit of colour in your face in the summer. I did it when I got back from holiday. It's actually been really liberating and I've had a few compliments. My skin was up and down but it's actually really improved and balanced out. It's like I've learned to like my face again x

wannabeadored · 06/03/2020 00:28

I have terrible flare ups with eczema , my husband couldn't give a rat's arse when I'm red, dry and flaky . This time around my face is getting it bad.

On an unrelated note , he's going bald. I don't care one bit because he's not changed with having less hair he's still my amazing husband .

happymummy12345 · 06/03/2020 00:28

I never ever wear makeup so my husband has never seen me with it on, not even with on our wedding day.
I straighten my hair when I have time/ can be bothered. And get my nails done and eyebrows waxed every fortnight. That's as far as it goes for me

beautifulxdisasters · 06/03/2020 00:30

What's the worst that could happen if he saw you without makeup? Seriously?

Cos presumably that feeling is why you wear it all the time?

TheClaws · 06/03/2020 00:34

OP, I used to be like this when I was younger - so terribly self-conscious about my reddened facial skin I’d cover it up 24/7, even in front of my family. I thought they didn’t know, but they did. Oddly, the makeup itself made my self-conscious feelings worse. It also did my skin no favours. One day, I decided no more: I ditched my makeup and my feelings, and if anyone says, “ooh, your face is a bit red,” (and it gets red easily due to heat or anything), I’ll just say “yes, I have English skin.” It’s just what my face does.

OP, I suspect you care more about it than anyone else. I’d be surprised if your DH has even noticed. Give a fresh face a try. Flowers

managedmis · 06/03/2020 00:37

Yeah, I'm not keen on being seen without make up.

We've come on holiday for the week and I forgot my make up bag 😱 for the first time ever I went out without make up on (to go out and buy makeup, obviously, hahaha) - I look like a different person! Terrible dark circles. The kids said I looked ill Confused

Nat6999 · 06/03/2020 00:38

Have you thought of using a green tinted moisturiser to neutralise the redness?

flossiewossie124 · 06/03/2020 00:43

We've come on holiday for the week and I forgot my make up bag

My absolute nightmare. I bet your skin is loving the break though @managedmis

stopgap · 06/03/2020 00:59

@LovelyIssues, it’s Azelaic acid, and it’s a topical prescription.

I’m more of a hormonal acne sufferer (largely controlled these days by eating no sugar and using a supplement called inositol) but I have a friend with rosacea and Azelex completely cleared it.

user1473878824 · 06/03/2020 01:05

Oh OP. Please sit down with him and talk to him. I bet he’d be horrified you’re that worried.

CatAndHisKit · 06/03/2020 01:09

Well, while you are looking into azelaic acid etc., why not take it off just before going to sleep - it's dark anyway in your bedroom, isn't it? If he gets up before you, hestill wont look closely in a dark room and he's probably too sleepy to notice first thing. At least that will give it a break.
Or instead of tinted stuff try a light mask with a cooling ingredient, yo might look a little chalky but again, who's going to notice in the dark - yet you'll be treating it at night.

People who don't have bad skin don't realise what a nightmare it is, generally and regarding romantic life especally! Easy to say you don't wear make up if you don't have bad skin.
And not all men are oblivious to changes in your looks. Yes the good ones will still love you, but who wants to see that first reaction? IME a lot of men do notice and even comment if there is something unexpected, it's never pleasant to hear - they may still want to be with you, but it takes a special one to be really good about it and encouraging/reassuring despite it not looking good (a dream man really!).

So I understand you, OP. Ther's no cure either, but do try new treatment from dermatologist / azelaiv cream.

SpaceCadet4000 · 06/03/2020 01:34

I really feel for you OP as an adult with a delightful mix of cystic acne, eczema and scarring, it can feel so shameful at times. The only thing I'd say is that he probably cares about it way less than you think he will. He's probably more concerned about helping you to feel confident in yourself.

I remember being so worried about my now DH seeing my skin when we first moved in together and he really surprised me... he actually prefers me not wearing makeup these days even though I still have the darn skin issues. Even when I had eczema around my eyes burning bright red and gross little skin flakes....!

Ineedaplan · 06/03/2020 01:41

My pal was like.
Get up after her OH and take make up off. Get up before him and put it back on.

She only had the confidence to make a change when I asked if I could call in unexpectedly one day and she said no....ok, I said, but im only here briefly, another time then.

I hate when people to do that to me too, but it's usually messy house!

She then said I could come ....

We had 30mins together and, as I was leaving, she said, aren't you going to say anything?
I was confused , then saw she was pointing at her face.
Oh, I say, no false eyelashes? Didn't expect you to wear them all the time!
And went on my way. Unaware I'd left her in tears because id not noticed her lack of make up!

Topseyt · 06/03/2020 01:49

My DH has almost never seen me with makeup on. I really cannot be arsed with it at all.

Come to think of it now, I don't think I even own any makeup now. I binned it all years ago.

NeckPainChairSearch · 06/03/2020 01:53

Gosh OP, I really feel for you. This I would give anything to go makeup free is so sad.

Oh OP. Please sit down with him and talk to him. I bet he’d be horrified you’re that worried

This is good advice^^. Please talk to him this weekend, OP. Imagine how much you've got to gain? You cannot go on like this.

groovergirl · 06/03/2020 01:53

@LovelyIssues, please get yourself to a dermatologist. There's so much they can do, and no need for you to suffer and hide.
I went three years without riding my bicycle -- rosacea and a burn from the fluoro lights in my office made my face so painful, I couldn't bear even a light breeze on it, so gave up my favourite exercise. Three sessions of laser therapy with a dermy turned my skin back to milkmaid perfection. That was 22 years ago, and my skin is still bicycle-worthy and good enough for me to go without makeup.
Go get that laser! In my case, it was the Emerald laser, which targets redness, that helped. A dermatologist can tell you about the latest therapies.

notangelinajolie · 06/03/2020 01:57

My DH has never seen me with make up. I don't wear it - never have.
However without clothes … well that's a different story and it's been years since I've had body confidence to get naked with the lights on. So I guess what I'm trying to say is YANBU. Lots of people have issues with body/skin confidence - don't worry about it.
Like my DH, I'm sure yours loves you just the way you are.
Go easy on yourself Flowers

missyoumuch · 06/03/2020 02:03

I also thought of Mrs Maisel!

OP you would be better off spending money on proper skin treatment. There are so many therapies that may have a high cost upfront but long-term will improve your skin's health and reduce your makeup budget!

SisyphusHadItEasy · 06/03/2020 02:29

I rarely wear makeup.

My DH has seen me in it, and has commented that it looks good - but knows that I don't prefer wearing it.

It makes me sad that you are so uncomfortable with your appearance that you can't be totally honest with him. Are you receiving treatment for the rosacea? Could you talk with someone about how your skin condition makes you feel? I am sure your husband did not fall in love with your skin, but the the person inside it.

LoveIsLovely · 06/03/2020 02:35

I have a friend who really worries about her appearance without make up. Like you, she worries about her skin, she says she has terrible acne scarring and open pores and stuff. She wears really heavy foundation, which looks totally fine.

One weekend, we went on an overnight trip and she came out of the bathroom with no make up on and she literally apologised for her appearance. But I can honestly say she looked 10 years younger and I didn't even notice any issue with her skin. Of course it's up to her how she chooses to go out but it made me really sad that she spends so much time applying make up and thinking she is ugly when she actually looked great without it.

Of course I don't know how your skin looks. But to never be able to relax completely in your own home seems really sad to me. Sad in the original meaning, not as in pathetic. I hope you can find some confidence in the future.