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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I the only woman in the UK whose..

404 replies

LovelyIssues · 05/03/2020 23:24

Husband has NEVER seen them completely without makeup. Been together 11 years..

Main reason why is I have roscea, acne scars, awful redness and uneven skin.. I hate it and try and hide it as much as possible so I can honestly say he's never without even a bit of foundation on Blush

OP posts:
nitsandwormsdodger · 06/01/2021 11:32

Katie piper ( and I'm sure others like her ) go make up free in front of their oh
If she can , then you too can find the confidence to do it
This isn't about finding a miracle cure for your skin issues it's about feeling worthy of being loved

Only thing for it it is dramatic reveal and honesty
Just tell him you want to show him your real skin and see what happens, he may surprise you with utter nonchalant response , no one is perfect he has parts if his body which are not great too , he did not marry you for your skin he married you because he loves you

Juno231 · 06/01/2021 11:32

Sounds like you could use Tretinoin to help you get rid of the acne scars and uneven skin. www.reddit.com/r/tretinoin/

Perhaps some therapy could be beneficial too? Not being able to show your face to your own husband must be incredibly damaging to your sense of self worth.

mam0918 · 06/01/2021 11:33

lol my DH never sees me IN make up... I only wear it on the occasional night out or big occasion and those just arent happening anymore due to covid.

Im way too lazy to spend hours worry over weather someone will be offended/horrified by my natural face and if they are thats a 'them' problem - I dont mean to be rude but if you really are this obsessed by it you may actually need help because it maybe an uncontrolled mental health issue or trauma rather than a quirk.

also agree the reason your skin is likely so terrible is the fact you have never let it breath, I noticed decades ago my friends with the worst skin where the ones who constantly wore make up, they got trapped in the loop of make up to cover the acne and acne caused by the make up (same with girls that had greesy hair, they wash it every day to stop the greese but in doing so create MORE greese production by stimulating it).

allthewaterinthetap · 06/01/2021 11:34

I don't wear make-up ever. He's witnessed me give birth and seen me very seriously ill, so he can deal or buy a Barbie doll. Heh!

MustardMitt · 06/01/2021 11:36

@mam0918 well done on having such lovely skin, what a wonderful person you must be.

Now go away and stop spouting absolute garbage you know nothing about.

littlepattilou · 06/01/2021 11:37

@LovelyIssues I don't know if you're the only one, but it is very strange IMO to have been together eleven years, and your husband hasn't seen you without make-up.

Then again, I have known women (in the past,) who never fart or burp in front of their DH/partner, and won't go for a poo if he is in the house. I find it so bizarre that anyone would be able to maintain this long-term.

mam0918 · 06/01/2021 11:46

[quote MustardMitt]@mam0918 well done on having such lovely skin, what a wonderful person you must be.

Now go away and stop spouting absolute garbage you know nothing about.[/quote]
I must have missed the part where I said I have 'lovely skin', I said I dont care if your offended by my face but nothing about my skin... now go away and stop assuming things

shallbe · 06/01/2021 11:54

Roaccutane was magic for me, yes side effects are difficult but I have been acne free for 4 years now, honestly going to lengths you are going to cover your face I would recommend seeing a dermatologist. You can be referred by your GP.

MacDuffsMuff · 06/01/2021 11:55

[quote MustardMitt]**@mam0918 well done on having such lovely skin, what a wonderful person you must be.

Now go away and stop spouting absolute garbage you know nothing about.[/quote]
I don't think @mam0918 meant anything like the way you seem to have taken her post @MustardMitt. That's not the way I read it anyway so your aggression is unfair.

dworky · 06/01/2021 11:59

You can't believe that he loves you for more than your skin?

glas14368 · 06/01/2021 12:03

What do you do when you go on holiday?

How can you go swimming with make up on?

I like to wear make up, and really think that I look a LOT better with in on. However, on holiday don't wear any in the day time. How can you with sun tan lotion/swimming etc.

AintPageantMaterial · 06/01/2021 12:23

If you haven’t checked out a blogger called talontedlex.com then please do. She blogs and does YouTube videos specifically about her battle with rosacea and what has helped her. She is not one of those people who say they have difficult skin but don’t. She has the most severe case of rosacea that I have ever seen.

PopsicleHustler · 06/01/2021 12:23

When I first met my Man, he always saw me with makeup. I was embarrassed for him to see me without. I've never thought I was pretty without it.

He calls me beautiful everyday and now I hardly wear anything. Just eyebrow pencil really

Gwenhwyfar · 06/01/2021 12:32

"I can almost guarantee you that if you had never worn makeup in the first place, no one would think you're 'ill'."

Try having really, really dark circles that you partially cover most of the time and then going into work with no makeup, pale face and totally black circles. People will think you're ill and it's not because you look normal without the makeup and abnormal with it.

unbotheredbutbewildered · 06/01/2021 12:43

Your skin might be that bad because of all the makeup...maybe you should give it a break for a while. Given lockdown, unless you're a key worker/have a job that requires you to be out and about there's not really
any reason to wear makeup anyway!

TBH if he doesn't find you beautiful without your makeup on, would you really want to be with him?

Gwenhwyfar · 06/01/2021 12:49

@unbotheredbutbewildered

Your skin might be that bad because of all the makeup...maybe you should give it a break for a while. Given lockdown, unless you're a key worker/have a job that requires you to be out and about there's not really any reason to wear makeup anyway!

TBH if he doesn't find you beautiful without your makeup on, would you really want to be with him?

I don't think makeup causes rosacea.
Jumpalicious · 06/01/2021 12:53

I have a friend who wears masses of makeup. I wear makeup (perhaps less so now, during lockdown tho!) but not trowelled on. I don’t know why she does it - it looks so fake and oppressive, and am sure she’d look way better (certainly more natural!) without it.

Anyhow, I once spent a few days with her on holiday once. I was looking forward to seeing her in the morning, make-up free, natural. But at breakfast, there she was with a full face of makeup.

Perhaps she has really troublesome skin, and that’s why she does it. Perhaps she is not confident about her natural looks. But honestly, I like her for who she is, for what she has to say, for our warm relationship.

The makeup feels like a barrier. The amount she wore at breakfast over those days suggested she didn’t trust me to like/see her for who she is, physically speaking. Which is a bit sad.

To me, the makeup just looks like war paint. I realise OP, that you have subtler makeup, but it’s all about trusting the other person to be ok with you for who you are. Honestly, other people tend to judge us a lot less than we judge ourselves.

Lovemusic33 · 06/01/2021 12:56

I never wear make up, so not many people have seen me with it on 🤣 I’m happy with the natural look.

JustPassingByCarryOn · 06/01/2021 12:58

ZOMBIE THREAD!!!!!!!!! From March last year!

2bazookas · 06/01/2021 13:20

Probably you are .
I had a friend whose husband had never seen her naked and I though that was pretty weird.

user1466068383 · 06/01/2021 13:23

Hi @LovelyIssues
Seen you've had loads of recs for skincare, but wanted to add my two cents as well.
Have you ever tried light therapy - they do it in a variety of colours depending on what you need treated. They originally developed it for burn patients and then the beauty industry realised how useful it could be.
You can book a facial that uses it, or there are lots of tools available online in a range of price points for home use.
I highly recommend it for bringing down scarring and improving redness.
Also I have found that CBD facial oil is very helpful, there are a few on the market, just make sure its for topical use. I massage it in once a week and then use two different tools - a derma roller to improve circulation and cell regeneration followed by a jade roller to soothe and massage. It's been so helpful for my skin.
I also agree with everyone else - use of make up will probably be making this problem much worse and inflaming the skin. If you can face it a total detox from make up for a few weeks would probably be very helpful to let skin regenerate and heal. And then possibly look into replacing your current make-up with different brands - possibly ones for sensitive skin & as few chemicals as possible, as it could be that constant exposure to your current products has caused your skin to have a bad reaction to them.
I have also found a collagen supplement and vitamin supplements D, C & E really helpful for making skin heal faster & look better.
Good luck with it, I hope you find a routine that works for you.

midnightstar66 · 06/01/2021 13:25

@JustPassingByCarryOn the OP last posted 3 hours ago and is receiving advice on her on going issue Smile

CherryRipe1 · 06/01/2021 13:27

Poor old you, not nice to have to hide your condition. As other posters have said, dermatology has come on in leaps and bounds over recent years. That "bad skin Dr." on tv treats problems such as yours with seemingly good results but it could be pricey. Have you ever seen anyone professional?

MustardMitt · 06/01/2021 13:28

@mam0918 and @MacDuffsMuff

also agree the reason your skin is likely so terrible is the fact you have never let it breath, I noticed decades ago my friends with the worst skin where the ones who constantly wore make up

When people say stuff like this to your face (or on a forum) it is really really hurtful. Rosacea and pustular acne cannot be cured by better skincare or leaving it off, so yes, it does upset when the assumption is that my hygiene is lacking.

Soz about making an assumption about your skin though Hmm.

@JustPassingByCarryOn OP has been back on Smile

JustPassingByCarryOn · 06/01/2021 13:30

[quote midnightstar66]@JustPassingByCarryOn the OP last posted 3 hours ago and is receiving advice on her on going issue Smile[/quote]
Just seen it, thanks. These zombie dig ups do my head in sometimes...lol

Atleast the OP is back and not just posters chatting away by themselves. Smile