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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I the only woman in the UK whose..

404 replies

LovelyIssues · 05/03/2020 23:24

Husband has NEVER seen them completely without makeup. Been together 11 years..

Main reason why is I have roscea, acne scars, awful redness and uneven skin.. I hate it and try and hide it as much as possible so I can honestly say he's never without even a bit of foundation on Blush

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LovelyIssues · 06/01/2021 10:29

Guys please read the update before dishing out hate Sad I am going make up free at night and cleansing etc before bed. It hasn't improved my skin at all. I still wear primer/foundation in the day (like a huge amount of woman)

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Regularsizedrudy · 06/01/2021 10:29

I feel like I read this exact thread every year on here

LittleTiger007 · 06/01/2021 10:30

I felt this way when I was first with my husband. I still do at times. I have occasional acne and a few small scars. I do still sometimes use tinted moisturiser when I go to bed, so I get it... but my husband would reassure me over and over that he loves me and it’s not necessary. It was liberating once I finally believed him and started to sometimes not have any on. Plus I LOVE taking a shower with him so you don’t want to miss out on this.
He is the one person you really need to not have any barriers up with. I still sometimes wear a little foundation and I want to feel good, it’s for me really, but I recommend that you trust him to still love you and let your guard down. If he’s a good man who truly loves you then it won’t matter to him.

LovelyIssues · 06/01/2021 10:32

@Regularsizedrudy it is an old thread. Someone has recently commended on it so it has obviously come back up.

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Regularsizedrudy · 06/01/2021 10:34

@LovelyIssues ahh i see!

LovelyIssues · 06/01/2021 10:35

@JorisBonson I have been recommended that before so I should give it a go! I tried the azaelic acid someone recommended on here, felt lovely on my skin but visibly didn't change anything.

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Rose2108 · 06/01/2021 10:36

I really feel for you, there is nothing worse than being totally insecure about something like that. Perhaps you could tell him that you are going to try a new skincare routine and that you will be taking all of your makeup off before you go to sleep, to let him know and hopefully this will mean he doesn't react the way you think he will. And with any luck it isn't as bad as you think, and he will reassure you and make you feel better about it? I rarely wear makeup at home but appreciate I am lucky to have clear skin. Whenever I have a blemish or feel like I look awful my husband never notices; he is quite oblivious even I chop my hair off!

LovelyIssues · 06/01/2021 10:36

@Regularsizedrudy unless someone has posted something similar? It drives me nuts when I watch tutorials on Facebook or YouTube about "problem" skin and the person has beautiful clear skin with a few small spots. I feel like no one really has any idea Sad

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Rose2108 · 06/01/2021 10:37

Oh haha I only read page one! Ignore me! :)

LovelyIssues · 06/01/2021 10:38

@rose2108 I started taking my makeup off before bed in Lockdown. Miscellar water and washing with a gentle cleanser. It literally name zero difference Sad

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Rose2108 · 06/01/2021 10:41

@LovelyIssues In terms of products the only thing I have seen actually works is Accutane. My cousin had it and honestly went from acne to clear skin in about six months. The side affects were quite odd, but she said it was worth it. Hope your husband has been supportive anyway!

squiglet111 · 06/01/2021 10:43

I have similar issues to you. I find after washing /applying mosturiser it is most red. Then it dies down. Can you try and give it 20 mins before applying make to see if it settles naturally? Sounds like you are applying makeup as soon as you can, so don't even give it a chance to settle by itself.

waterlego · 06/01/2021 10:49

OP, this is sad. I’ve had bad skin all of my adult life (hormonal acne, inc cystic acne). I don’t wear make up as a matter of course because I can’t be arsed and I am not particularly good at applying it so it never makes me look any better 😆

My husband somehow manages to still love and desire me. We are best friends and have been together for 23 years. A bit of acne/cellulite/grey hair/saggy skin doesn’t change any of that.

LovelyIssues · 06/01/2021 10:49

@squiglet111 that is a very good point! I do apply male up straight away. Thanks for that tip, I shall try that thank you

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LovelyIssues · 06/01/2021 10:51

@rose2108 I know 2 people that have tried that. I'm a bit sceptical by the side effects

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Anyoldname12 · 06/01/2021 10:53

Is the make up you’re using non-comedogenic? Do you wear SPF daily? You should be using gentle cleansers if you have actual rosacea. Have you seen the gp to see if 1) you actually have rosacea and 2) they can offer prescriptions or a referral?

WhenPidgeonsCry · 06/01/2021 10:56

@smartiecake

Have you been to the GP? I have rozex on prescription for my acne rosacea and it really does help. That and going make up free does really help.
This is also the only thing that worked for me. The rozex I mean. Was so happy after I found it.
VivaMiltonKeynes · 06/01/2021 10:57

I haven't read all of this but have you seen your GP about this as the impact on your life is immense ? If you explain all of this I'm sure they would recommend you to a dermatologist because of the impact this is having .

JorisBonson · 06/01/2021 11:01

[quote LovelyIssues]@JorisBonson I have been recommended that before so I should give it a go! I tried the azaelic acid someone recommended on here, felt lovely on my skin but visibly didn't change anything.[/quote]
I use the niacinamide and HA moisturiser every morning (also before makeup) and it really has made the world of difference to me. I was skeptical about the moisturiser as I too have oily skin, but a little dot every day is fine.

I found the hyaluronic acid serum made me too oily but the combination of the above 2 have really helped. I've been using them for a year and it only took a few months of daily use to see a difference.

The niacinamide definitely helps with the rosacea.

blueangel19 · 06/01/2021 11:01

My god that must be exhausting!!!

sproutburger · 06/01/2021 11:04

I have very noticeable red scarring from acne and was recommended starflower oil capsules at a hospital appointment to reduce inflammation elsewhere (nothing to do with skin).

It's significantly reduced the redness so the scarring is hardly noticeable, it's just 1000mg capsules from Holland and Barrett or similar, I had to take them for about 2 months to see any effect but they've completely transformed my skin where no beauty products worked. It might not work for everyone but some people on this thread might find it useful.

Petitmum · 06/01/2021 11:18

Sounds like hard work to me! I wouldn't want to be with a man that I felt I had to hide things from.

notalwaysalondoner · 06/01/2021 11:21

I can’t believe this is possible. I barely wear makeup especially now with wfh. I always wonder with friends’ girlfriends who wear loads of makeup at what point they let them see them without it. I have very bad eczema on my torso so had to accept DH wouldn’t mind early on as you can’t really cover it. I just can’t imagine being so concerned that even your own life partner wouldn’t be able to see you without makeup.

MustardMitt · 06/01/2021 11:21

I really wish people who have no experience of rosacea and acne would just not comment on this topic. It’s so hurtful to hear ‘just don’t wear make up - it makes it worse’ or you’re need to wash your face more’ when then truth is that it doesn’t make it worse.

I have atypical acne rosacea and some burst blood vessels. I haven’t worn make up regularly for nearly a year now and my face is the same in terms of redness. I do keep a complete skincare regimen including acids and sunscreen but nothing helps - and I include all the prescription stuff I have been prescribed by the derm.

I am happier in my skin nowadays but it does still get me down a lot that I’m 38 and have skin that prompts people to ask if I’ve tried washing my face Hmm or if I’m ill.

If you can, do go to the GP. You can try finacea, rosex, soolantra, and one other cream I forget the name of (Remembered it’s metrogel) - one of them might work well for you. Finacea is a good place to start as it’s azelaic acid which is included in some skincare nowadays. When I went I took an early appointment and applied make up after! Appreciate it might not be easy to get an appointment now - but you might be able to do a video one which could be easier.

I would also suggest googling for skincare blogs where the person had similar issues, and maybe trying some different skincare. Snail mucin is soothing and seems to work well for some to calm redness - I’ve also just bought this serum from YESSTYLE off the back of a photo review, so I’ll see if it helps.

It’s great you’ve managed to get to a place where your comfortable going bare faced at night. Hopefully it won’t be long till you can do it during the day as well.

PS I’ve found it helpful (sort of) to keep a photo diary of my skin to see what skincare helps and doesn’t help. Thus far (since November) I can tell you I get spots during my period and the redness never goes away but can lessen.

MustardMitt · 06/01/2021 11:25

PS I am happy to share products I’ve tried and photos over DM if you think that would help.