He forgot cancer appointment

[brushingwateruphill]

Hi all! Am going through worrying time with my health at moment. After all clear for cervical cancer a few weeks ago i had to go for blood test today to check for signs of ovarian cancer. I told OH appointment was booked 3 days ago and have obviously been really worried about it. OH is not working at present as he is self emplyed in weather dependant job, and said he would take me to appointment. He then went out for the day early and when he got home and i told him he unleashed a barrell of abuse because i should have reminded him this morning and he had things he wanted to do today. I dont often ask for his help or time but had explained how important and worrying this was for me. I feel not only like i am not getting the support i need with this but i am also getting abuse for objecting to him "forgetting" when he has known how worried i am about this.

Pewter The OP has called it a cancer appointment so if I call it that what's wrong with me calling it that? Clearly she has experience with cancer and chemo and I've paid my dues with my own cancer so she can call it whatever the fuck she wants to and so can I

So he forgot the appointment and it's your fault!?

So sorry you're going through this op.

Tbh most of us forget stuff now and again, but if you truly cared about someone, surely you'd not forget an appointment such as this. His forgetting shows me just how selfish he is, how his needs come way above yours, and how little he thinks about you or cares about your needs.

Plus his reaction once you pulled him up on this, it's almost like an attack to defend himself, it's like he's thinking 'blimey I look like a total dickhead, I know, I'll blame her for not reminding me enough' and this just shows again that he's putting his own feelings above and beyond yours.

OP, you deserve so much better than this even if you didn't have health issues, with your health issues you need to surround yourself with people who genuinely care. I'm afraid he isn't one of those people

@brushingwateruphill That last post gives a bit more context - I agree with you. If he is a bully and if he still sulking, then he needs to be told a few home truths and I shall send you waves of strength . Those of you who want to call me a nitpicking kicker of OP, I'd MUCH rather be that and drill down to the truth and elicit more facts before encouraging someone to damage what could have been a healthy relationship threatened by the pressures of intense, fresh feelings, so you can all go clucking into your roosts for the night, but OP, if he's got a history of being a bully then I feel for you 100% and good luck

I am known for being very laid back but frankly am ready to kick his sorry ass out of my house after this

After having read your last post I think you should do just that. One less thing for you to worry about. YANBU at all.

he is basically a bully and being shouted on and having the whole thing turned on me later on has confirmed that.... We are now several hours on and he is sulking because i said he had forgotten ... frankly am ready to kick his sorry ass out of my house after this

I thought there might be a backstory. And I'm glad that you know what to do. Barrage of abuse, bullying, sulking? Who needs this...

Him still sulking is pathetic.

He only said he was going out for couple of hours this morning but didnt come back for the day. I didnt think he would forget especially after we discussed it last night.

When did you arrange what time you were leaving? I can’t imagine not saying “see you at 11” or whenever you’d decided.

so you can all go clucking into your roosts for the night

lovely. Amused at you casting yourself as the heroine of the thread who cleared up all the confusion. You didn't "drill down to the truth". You harangued a woman who is clearly upset and under a lot of stress. And told her that you would behave exactly as her husband did - twice.

A man who "forgets" an appointment, less than 12 hours after discussing it, then is verbally abusive when their partner answers his question on what she'd been doing that day, is not going to be a kind and supportive partner the rest of the time. I also doubt that he forgot, I think he deliberately stayed away, in order to cause more problems for OP.

OP, if he's a bully, kick him out now. You say it's your house, so why prolong the angst? He's certainly not worth hanging on to, and if you have to have treatment, you don't need him around causing you more stress.

@Happygoldfinch I don't need to wind my neck in. He's yelled etc at her, that is abusive in my book. Doesn't matter why he did it, he did it.

If he is generally a bully, then I expect he knew full well what he was doing when he went out. He knew you would be worried, and wanted to cause further distress. He expected you to call when he didn't come back so that he could be abusive then, but when you coped alone and didn't mention it he had to engineer the situation so he could abuse you.

I think your instinct to kick him out is probably correct- where do you stand legally? If it's solely your house then this is something you should consider strongly- but you may need to take steps to keep yourself safe.

Hang on, he lives in your house?

Bin him. He sounds like a selfish child. My DP is one of the men that forgets his head, often leaves the house in slippers etc, but on occasions that have really mattered he's absolutely stepped up and prioritised me, forgetting his own plans.

YANBU

Forgetting something so important to you after being reminded often is bad enough

However being aggressive and bullying because of his mistake, is unforgiveable

Just the same if the sexes were reversed

• men are just as capable of remembering & organising themselves as we are, so no need for sexist excuses for him

Yep, kick his "sorry ass" out
Should not be too difficult if the house is yours ..... providing you are not married

He's not sounding great is he? LTB. You deserve better. Hope you are ok.

Wow, lot of bodies on the floor today. That'll be where people keep falling over themselves to find excuses.

A lot of low, scraping the bottom of the barrel standards here.

Hope everything goes ok OP.

It sounds like this has been a wake up call

He sounds like a cock lodger that offers no support. Get him out.

He’s been awful.

YANBU.

Have I gone to some insane parallel world today? Apparently reading this thread has brought iut the worst examples of mumsnet.

Firstly noone gets to decide if OP should be anxious or worried about this appointment.....this whole mumsnet faux stuff upper lip crap is getting tedious and embarrassing. You know if you are the person that claims its not a big deal and you sail through stuff like this and just get in with it ? We know you are overcompensating right ? That by belittling someone for being nervous and worried it just shows your own lack of character?

Secondly men forget stuff ? Seriously. I usually roll my eyes at the permanent claims of the patriarchy in here and often share the comments with DP to have a laugh over but this actually is it.

The man shouted at his partner because he screwed up and forgot the appointment and some posters want her to feel sorry and see if from his point of view (seriously get a bloody back bone pp) or treat him like a child with set reminders.

Ugh I truly hope these are some twisted sort of joke posts or I think I've lost faith in women.

OP you have every absolute right to feel let down and angry that he reacted like that. I have to say it would be a deal breaker for me as well. I'm the furthest thing from histronic about medical stuff but when it worries you it is awful and the least you should be able to expect is support and certainly not aggression.

These topics always attract the cool wives who claim they wouldn't be bothered by whatever shitty behaviour.

You say cool wives, I say martyrs, regardless the bar is set breathtakingly low....