To tell my DSIS she is taking the piss!?

[Whatevernext2]

Nc’d for this
I have 2 dc who are now 5.5 and 7.5. When I had my dc my dm had retired and offered to mind them when I went to work. Dm wouldn’t accept payment as such so I used to do things such as fill up her car, pay her grocery bill whenever I was with her, take her clothes shopping, take her away on spa weekends etc etc. So anyway this continued up until last year when my youngest started school and at the same time dh got a new job whereby he works from home so he can drop the dc and collect them (school is 2mins around the corner) and they are quiet happy staying quiet in the next room colouring etc until I get home at 4.30.

Now the MAIN issue...my dsis got married 2 years ago and said she would wait until she was ready to have children as she couldn’t afford it. My Dm then said well “I’m not minding dg’s any more so I will have yours now if you want. So dsis decided that would work and started trying, baby was born 3 months ago ( baby is a very demanding baby)...Now my dm has decided that she would like to work a part time job (her friend had opened a shop) and that she needs money and that on reflection she will be too tired to do childcare. Fine... she’s entitled to change her mind. Dsis is fuming and has now...WAIT for it!!...decided that as I benefited from years of free childcare that I should help pay half towards HER childcare costs when she goes back to work!! She announced it last night when she popped round, I laughed as I thought she was joking...turns out she wasn’t and insisted it was partly my fault because I told her dm was great and saved me loads of money by minding my two!!and that by saying this I had convinced her to go ahead and get pregnant in the first place.

If you have stayed with me this long...thank you!! And also just to note it’s not that they would suffer money wise, my dsis just loves her current lifestyle and doesn’t want to lose it!

She's batshit

Tell her it isn't April Fool's day just yet...

@catinb0oots yes that’s what I thought!! Along with sleep deprived and over emotional i suppose!! Her Dh is fuming too now and I’m pretty sure this was partly his idea

OMG what a CF! Please don’t give her any money. What a outrageous thing to expect of you! 😳

She doesn't sound old enough to have children if she had a baby purely on the agreement she'd get free childcare

Anything could have happened to your mum at any time, to prevent her from babysitting.

she’s such a cf omg! do not give her any money

I would be gutted if I was her but she's clearly not thinking straight. Blame it on sleep deprivation and ignore her.

She cannot ask, her idea is madness .Your Mums circumstances have changed and no one can ever expect free childcare but I can see why she is miffed.

Oh please, she needs to give her head a good wobble. It would be nice if your mum could help her out as she did you but if she doesn't want to that is her choice. You don't decide to have a child based on whether your mum could look after it not. Obviously you mum is older now so she might not be as capable of taking care of a baby and balancing her own health needs.

She isn't handling it well but I understand she might be hurt if from her point of view your mum had provided more help for you and now she has retracted her offer of help for your sister.

Your sister probably isn't aware of you 'paying' your mum back in favour and while your mum is entitled to change her mind, it's not a complete surprise that this should upset your sister.

Asking you to share childcare costs is a pretty outlandish demand but as PP said she might overwhelmed at the moment.

I would not be paying anything!

Wow my mum looked after my kids so I could work. A girl I working with told me that I needed to work harder than her because I apparently in her CF eyes said I got paid more than her because she had to pay for child care

What did she say when you said no?

Obviously asking you to pay half is just bonkers, but I do understand why she would be upset with your mum retracting her offer, especially if that was a contributing factor to her having a child. My SIL only had a child once MIL had said she would look after it when she went back to work. She would be unable to work if MIL decided to change her mind.

That is actually a hilarious train of thought???? What planet is she on??

What was her reply when you said no way?!!

My mum said she would help with childcare for my first (after happily looking after my sisters children) and then backed out the week before I went to work so I understand your sister is probably feeling a bit worried and maybe a bit jealous of you at the minute...obviously she'll find a way around it though like everyone else!

Asking you to pay half is just batshit though!

I wouldn't be entertaining any such idea... She's utterly mad! My guess she's been turning this over in her mind for months... (sister had free child care from mum for years.... She won't help me, it's not fair... I only got pregnant as I knew I had free childcare... Etc etc... More and more catastrophising, circular thinking... how let down she's been by family... Etc etc)

But I would say something along the lines of... As you know my kids benefitted from being looked after by Granny, situation we all happily agreed to.. .. However this was not a free option... I was regularly paying her to ensure she benefitted too...

Granny is entitled to do what she wants to do, now.

Perhaps if she paid your mum the same amount as your mum would earn at the local shop (minimum wage I would imagine) she would do the childcare after all?

Yes your dsis is clearly not thinking straight, and what she is demanding is clearly very unreasonable, but I kind of get why she is a bit pissed.
I honestly will never understand why parents do this to their children, grown or otherwise, give absolutely EVERYTHING they can to one child but absolutely nothing to another. I get that situations change but it's still a kick in the fanny when you see your sibling living what is perceived as a charmed life through the help and support of parents, when you are left to struggle.

Would your sister have had the baby if she thought for a second that all help offered would be retracted?

It's very easy for you to mock her ill feeling, you've benefited massively from your mother's childcare so couldn't possibly understand the struggles.

But she can still fuck off with the "paying half of my childcare" shit, that really is nuts

I don't think she could be any more entitled. I'd just laugh.

Shes totally nuts and I would tell her so...
Tell her that her child care arrangements are nothing to do with you just as yours were nothing to with her.

I think your sister is entitled to feel a bit aggrieved with your Mum but retracting her offer. She may have waited longer and saved up.

But it has absolutely nothing to do with you!

Your sister is certainly unreasonable, it is hardly your fault that your mother's circumstances changed so why should you foot the bill for her child care. It just doesn't make sense.

Her disappointment I can understand but she really will have to find a good child minder like most people do. Having a grandparent or grandparents to look after children (like I had), is a great privilege but not a right. Your mum is entitled to take a job and earn a bit of cash and it has nothing to do with you!

I do feel sorry for her but her issue is with your DM, not you.

I can understand why she’s upset and frustrated but her “solution” is batshit crazy!