Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am. Mucked up.

254 replies

whattheheckisgoingon · 04/03/2020 20:30

So I was on the way home and popped in to the supermarket to pick up a couple of bits for the kids‘ tea.

When I saw all the emptying shelves I just panicked! Ended up spending 30 mins doing a ridiculous panic buy of the basics, just in case we need to self isolate. Completely irrational. (We’ve had a case confirmed in the town next door - the news came through just before I went into the shop - and I think that sent me over). I feel so stupid.

But the other thing is that DH needed the car to get to football training this evening. So I have made him very late for that. I called on my way back - apologised that I was running late and admitted I was acting irrationally- but he just hung up. He was apoplectic when we go back home, and wouldn’t accept any attempt at an apology. Almost exploded when he saw the shopping. He is very, very angry.

He has also previously been very clear that we should not stock up and I have blatantly done the complete opposite which he will take as massively disrespectful. I just lost my head, I guess.

I’ve sent him a text saying how sorry I am. I am; I know I shouldn’t have done it.

He’s going to be super angry when he gets home. I’m so worried about this. He says I am very selfish. I didn’t mean to be, but I know I was.

I know I’ve been an idiot. I just don’t know what to do when he comes back still extremely angry. I honestly don’t know how to appease him. He’ll be back in 45 minutes and I’m readying myself for his anger over it all.

Don’t know why I posted really. Sounds stupid in writing. I’m just very worried. I know I was unreasonable. Sorry if I posted in the wrong bit.

Any advice?

OP posts:
EnidBlyton · 05/03/2020 07:31

Hope everything is ok op Thanks

FredaFrogspawn · 05/03/2020 07:34

I never like men who talk about how it is disrespecting them when a woman disagrees with them. They are giving themselves elevated status within the relationship.

Are you ok?

Herpesfreesince03 · 05/03/2020 07:44

You ok op??

CanIHaveATiaraPlease · 05/03/2020 07:49

Oh my goodness op I hope you are ok.

You haven’t disrespected him, you have a difference of opinion. Your opinion is as valid as his.

Bluntness100 · 05/03/2020 07:50

Op, knowing you were making him late by keeping the car so he couldn’t go to his training would piss most folks off to some extent.

Is there a financial reason for the panic buying issue, will it leave you financially short for other things?

Etinox · 05/03/2020 07:51

Flowers @whattheheckisgoingon
Sometimes it can be hard for strangers to understand the dynamics in a relationship but being scared is always a red flag.

MrOnionsBumperRoller · 05/03/2020 07:55

He sounds monstrous OP. YANBU to be anxious re. potential food shortages, my usually very calm DP are stocking up on essentials which has worried me as it's not like them to worry. He doesn't get to choose what you do and unless he is a premier league player being late for his playing out with the boys won't matter once.

Jenasaurus · 05/03/2020 08:14

Bless you OP, I understand your reaction when you went shopping and saw the empty shelves, panic spreads panic and that's what happened to you, it really isn't the end of the world, you have supplies if you need them so you have crossed a worry of your list. DH being late is probably what upset him but he seems to have overreacted.

One thing from your OP that stood out is he has made the decision that you are not to stock up, surely as a couple you should have a voice too, and if you want to get some bits in he shouldn't be the one to veto it, you are not a manager, employee scenario you are a partnership.

I hope he calms down and is kind to you.

Pumpkintopf · 05/03/2020 08:26

How are you this morning op?

NeverKnewThat · 05/03/2020 08:35

I did the same last week Blush but to be honest it was mostly cat food.

Hope you are okay OP.

Notajogger · 05/03/2020 09:07

You weren't being unreasonable at all, I could understand him being a bit annoyed (but certainly not angry) at being made late but that's it.

You weren't silly or any of the other things you said and it's worrying if you have been "conditioned" to think that about yourself.

His decisions aren't the law, you can make your own decisions. He needs to respect that and respect you and it doesn't sound like he does. At all.

YourVagesty · 05/03/2020 09:13

You poor thing OP. Your behaviour is instinct-led. You are just protecting your family and you haven't done anything wrong.

MrsBobDylan · 05/03/2020 12:18

Hope you are ok OP? He isn't reasonable at all. You should be allowed to make your own decisions but he is being a bully and trying to control you and hurt you emotionally.

I hope you can get free one day. Your life is too important to live like this.

LucyAutumn · 05/03/2020 13:13

Oh OP, please come back and let us know you are OK? Sad

katkit · 05/03/2020 13:16

hang on, why's he so angry about this? i do not like the sound of that.

Original poster
whattheheckisgoingon · 05/03/2020 13:45

Ok. So as predicted he was still angry last night when he got home. Stomping about, dirty looks, throwing his kit down etc. Started talking about it all but he got all het up again, so I gave up and went to bed early.

He’s good at arguing but awful at calm discussion and finds it very hard to see someone else POV, so there’s no point in trying to communicate when he’s like that. I find it bizarre personally.

Am I scared of him? I’m not sure if that is the right word. I do hate this level of confrontation. It seems so silly!

AND he was still fuming this morning! But has mostly calmed down now. A few snide comments and grumpy faces ...maybe he’ll be able to laugh at it soon.

To answer previous questions. He’s not violent bar one minor incident a few years ago which we worked through.

Thanks everyone. Keeping me sane!!!

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 05/03/2020 13:49

Is he angry that you made him late or is he angry that you 'disrespected' him by buying some stuff he didn't want you to buy?

BlackCatSleeping · 05/03/2020 13:56

I’d still read the link that MadHugger posted. It might be an eye opener for you. Flowers

BrendasUmbrella · 05/03/2020 13:58

He’s not violent bar one minor incident a few years ago which we worked through.

I feel like asking why you had to work through anything if he was violent to you. I hope your part doesn't involve walking on eggshells so as to not "make" him violent...

Anyway, I'm glad you're okay. we shouldn't have had to wonder if you were okay over such non issue but there it is.

missymousey · 05/03/2020 14:36

So glad you're okay today. You can't live like this - you must be exhausted by it and your kids are growing up thinking this is a normal way to treat people!

Is he getting help for his anger? Does he see there's a problem? If not, maybe show him this thread or write something down for him using selected bits from it?

TheReluctantCountess · 05/03/2020 14:42

What did you buy?

Porpoises · 05/03/2020 14:45

Does he get angry at the kids too? Can't be much fun loving with someone who gets so angry when someone doesn't do exactly what they want.

I have been buying more than usual, can see both sides of whether it's better to stockpile.

You have acted on the same way as many sensible, reasonable people. It's your home, you can store whatever you want in it, and it's not a waste of money as you'll use it eventually (unless you are both very short of money on a week to week basis). And it might turn out to be very useful if things get worse. Why does he have any right to react angrily, just because he disagrees ?

Wellintentionedreader · 05/03/2020 15:05

I'm glad you have posted this afternoon - you sound less fearful , but I'm sorry he's still behaving like a dick .
My ex bastardhusband was a grumpy sulker and it crushed me eventually .

(more flowers )

MaxNormal · 05/03/2020 15:12

He is such a cunt.

KidCaneGoat · 05/03/2020 15:17

Thanks for the update. Maybe scared isn’t the right word, but it does sound like you’re walking on eggshells at times. There’s no way it’s normal to still be angry about this the next day. I can understand being a bit pissed off about being late for football but his level of anger is way overboard. Have a look at some of the freedom programme information, it might help if you recognise some of what it explains.