I know I am. Mucked up.

[whattheheckisgoingon]

So I was on the way home and popped in to the supermarket to pick up a couple of bits for the kids‘ tea.

When I saw all the emptying shelves I just panicked! Ended up spending 30 mins doing a ridiculous panic buy of the basics, just in case we need to self isolate. Completely irrational. (We’ve had a case confirmed in the town next door - the news came through just before I went into the shop - and I think that sent me over). I feel so stupid.

But the other thing is that DH needed the car to get to football training this evening. So I have made him very late for that. I called on my way back - apologised that I was running late and admitted I was acting irrationally- but he just hung up. He was apoplectic when we go back home, and wouldn’t accept any attempt at an apology. Almost exploded when he saw the shopping. He is very, very angry.

He has also previously been very clear that we should not stock up and I have blatantly done the complete opposite which he will take as massively disrespectful. I just lost my head, I guess.

I’ve sent him a text saying how sorry I am. I am; I know I shouldn’t have done it.

He’s going to be super angry when he gets home. I’m so worried about this. He says I am very selfish. I didn’t mean to be, but I know I was.

I know I’ve been an idiot. I just don’t know what to do when he comes back still extremely angry. I honestly don’t know how to appease him. He’ll be back in 45 minutes and I’m readying myself for his anger over it all.

Don’t know why I posted really. Sounds stupid in writing. I’m just very worried. I know I was unreasonable. Sorry if I posted in the wrong bit.

Any advice?

When he gets home you say ‘sorry I made you late and I know it was silly to overbuy but we will use the stuff up eventually anyway’

Any further reaction from him after that is an overreaction on his part and turns him into a dickhead.

He sounds awful @whattheheckisgoingon
Are you scared of him?

I did something similar over Brexit in October. DP said no need, don't be silly. I read one prepper article too many and then came back with a stash including 24 tins each of chickpeas, tinned tomatoes and coconut milk. It wasn't even sensible prepping!

She was initially a bit flummoxed, and then laughed and cleared some space in the garage for it. She still occasionally teases me about being ready for the zombie invasion. And.... that's it.

That's a reasonable and proportionate response from a caring partner. Your DH sounds angry and controlling. Are you okay? Has he reacted like this before?

should not stock up and I have blatantly done the complete opposite which he will take as massively disrespectful.

He's 'told you' not to stock up. You've disrespected him ?? Who is he, the King of Everything?

I'm with other PPs I'm worried you're so worried about him being angry.

Ps if you do have to self isolate , don't let him use any of your stockpile

My dh went to get pet food this evening and arrived home with over 100e of supplies. We are in a low risk area and I won't be stocking up until I know it's a bit nearer to home. I laughed at him and enjoyed some of the sweet stash after my dinner.

I mentioned to my DH that I was getting a bit anxious and he did a special online shop to put my mind at rest.

Because he’s nice and kind and will indulge my anxieties because he loves me.

Your DH doesn’t sound very nice.

Oh OP you absolutely shouldn’t be scared of your partner. About ANYTHING, least of all a bit of food shopping

He has massively over reacted and anyway you’re allowed to do something he disagrees with without it being disrespectful.

Don’t live with someone you’re afraid of love.

You went on a panic buying spree you didn’t run someone over with the car. I get that he’d be annoyed: you made him late and you spent money on things you didn’t need. But angry? Especially extremely angry? No, it’s not you that’s the problem here it’s him.

I did it to with Brexit last year. Stocked up on loads of random things to the point I still have 30 tins of beans in the cupboard 😂. My DH laughed it off and jokes now about being prepped for coronavirus. You sound scared of him though, is everything okay?

I’m with everyone else OP - you really shouldn’t be scared or worried about how your DH is going to be. Please come back on when you can to let us know what happened

It sounds like stockpiling food is the least of your concerns. Does your DH often fly off the handle when you do something independently that he might not agree with? You sound genuinely frightened of him.

Making him late is something he's entitled to be pissed off about.

Deciding to stock up, as long as you haven't spend the mortgage money, then his decision doesn't over-ride yours. Ideally you agree, but that doesn't always happen.

Does he always feel like he should be entitled to the casting vote?

Why should you apologise? You wanted to stock up so you did. You’re an adult who earns your own money, you don’t need his permission.

My DH came in from Tesco with 20 tins of tuna and 5 tins of custard and told me he thinks we should stock up. I raised an eyebrow, put them in the cupboard and said thank fuck we won’t be having dinner guests to share our tuna custard.

Being scared and having to apologise isn’t normal.

Are you in Ayrshire?

which he will take as massively disrespectful Eh?

Do you often find yourself "trying to appease him" OP?

You sound scared of him. What is he like aside from his issues with what you buy at the supermarket?

His reaction sounds ott for what you have done. You are an adult and are allowed to do what you think best (unless there is a massive back story where you can’t afford electric and you spent your last £2 on tinned camel tongue which no one will eat)

Also, I feel like I need to get extra food in. Not to panic buy but so I can actually have food in my house for us to eat like we usually would. It’s bad enough that I have run out of anti bac hand gel which I always stock in my bag anyway and now can’t get but now we are at the point we’re people are going bonkers for pasta and bog roll

My OH has made it clear that he doesn't think panic buying is a good idea, but if I did what you did he'd probably roll his eyes and call me a knob. I would be seriously looking at why you are so scared of your husband and why he feels it is acceptable to be apoplectic about anything so insignificant? Yeah a bit pissed off about being late but apoplectic is a huge overreaction

Yes you were a bit silly and got caught up in the panic, but his reaction is way out of proportion.

It’s really concerning how frightened you seem to be of your husband. Do you often feel like this?

YANBU by buying whatever you want but he did need the car.

Oh OP, it sounds like there's more at play here Yes I can understand he would be annoyed, but you sound frightened of him.

Is this common with him OP? Are you afraid of your husband, or is this a one off?

Ok you messed up and i'd be pissed off about the car/being late but what is he going to do? Your reaction is very OTT and you sound scared of him.

Who put him in charge of deciding whether or not you should stock up?

Yes, you are slightly unreasonable for making him late to football by spending an extra 30 minutes shopping (but not a massive amount of time).

But he is more unreasonable for being so angry and making you feel like that, when you reacted to there being another case and saw that things were running low in your local shop due to other people stocking up. All more recent information that when you had previously discussed not buying anything extra.

It concerns me that you seem so afraid of his anger. That’s ringing alarm bells tbh.