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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am. Mucked up.

254 replies

whattheheckisgoingon · 04/03/2020 20:30

So I was on the way home and popped in to the supermarket to pick up a couple of bits for the kids‘ tea.

When I saw all the emptying shelves I just panicked! Ended up spending 30 mins doing a ridiculous panic buy of the basics, just in case we need to self isolate. Completely irrational. (We’ve had a case confirmed in the town next door - the news came through just before I went into the shop - and I think that sent me over). I feel so stupid.

But the other thing is that DH needed the car to get to football training this evening. So I have made him very late for that. I called on my way back - apologised that I was running late and admitted I was acting irrationally- but he just hung up. He was apoplectic when we go back home, and wouldn’t accept any attempt at an apology. Almost exploded when he saw the shopping. He is very, very angry.

He has also previously been very clear that we should not stock up and I have blatantly done the complete opposite which he will take as massively disrespectful. I just lost my head, I guess.

I’ve sent him a text saying how sorry I am. I am; I know I shouldn’t have done it.

He’s going to be super angry when he gets home. I’m so worried about this. He says I am very selfish. I didn’t mean to be, but I know I was.

I know I’ve been an idiot. I just don’t know what to do when he comes back still extremely angry. I honestly don’t know how to appease him. He’ll be back in 45 minutes and I’m readying myself for his anger over it all.

Don’t know why I posted really. Sounds stupid in writing. I’m just very worried. I know I was unreasonable. Sorry if I posted in the wrong bit.

Any advice?

OP posts:
BigChocFrenzy · 05/03/2020 00:24

He sounds a fucking awful bully
So sorry for you living under such fear, OP 💐

Jumpjumpjumper · 05/03/2020 00:31

So "He has also previously been very clear that we should not stock up".

He made that decision? Did you get a say?

StoppinBy · 05/03/2020 00:39

I actually think that while you obviously did it in a moment of panic rather than rationally, that being prepared by having extra staple items of food is not a bad idea.

If anyone in your house were to come in contact with someone who has the virus, at least where we are, you must self isolate for 14 days. That's 14 days of food required in advance to be there 'just in case'.

As the virus spreads there is more and more chance that this will actually become reality.....in that case tell him the food is yours and he can eat what he catches in the garden if this is his attitude.

At the moment Aussies (ok, lots of Aussie, not all of course) and panic buying toilet paper........... to buy toilet paper at the supermarket at the moment is almost impossible.......we have only a couple of rolls left and despite driving to about 7 supermarkets last night couldn't find any. If you are not stocking up for months of toilet paper usage then I think you are doing ok lol.

expat101 · 05/03/2020 01:16

Don't be too hard on yourself. Some of the photos taken at o/s airports and being shared around social media are enough to get anyone off their bum and into the shop to stock up.

have you seen the one of the family wearing what looks like large spring water containers on their heads?

5-kilo bags of flour both standard grade and high grade have been unavailable at our nearest supermarket for a few days and they are re-stocking. Toilet paper is still there, with some empty shelves depending on packet size. Pasta isle most def. taken a hit from the consumer as has the large rice bags.

My point being is you are not the only one getting prepared. Personally I feel when (any) Govt formally acknowledges any problem, it will be far too late to stock up. Look at the earthquakes in Christchurch NZ and how that took a lot of people by surprise and how it just was not possible for emergency/utilities services to get to everyone timely. When and if an event occurs, you simply have to make do....

As far as I am concerned, you were motivated by visual confirmation of what you have seen on TV and Social media. Its a strong emotion and yeah it made you late in getting home. Your Partner just has to get over that and accept it for what it was. After all you were not off boozing somewhere.... when you called him, why could he not have called around to any of the other players and get a lift with them?

TheMaddHugger · 05/03/2020 01:23

This reply has been deleted

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somanydevices · 05/03/2020 01:35

WTF? Why shouldn't you stock the cupboards if you want to.

It's not panic buying it's stocking up. (The panic buying will start if Coronavirus really hits. This is nothing! And prudent I think, personally).

But even if it's the most ridiculous idea in the world (it isn't) who the fuck does he think he is shouting at you and demanding apologies?

Are you not allowed to have your own mind? Does every decision you make need to be OKed by him? This sounds very unhealthy whattheheckisgoingon.

DropYourSword · 05/03/2020 01:57

You mucked up by panicking. It happens.

He’s fucked up by overreacting. Again, that happens too at times.

What matters now is that he behaves appropriately. Bracing yourself with fear for him to arrive home isn’t a sign of a normal healthy relationship. I hope you’re ok.

EerieSilence · 05/03/2020 03:29

You sound more like a maid or house slaves afraid of her master’s reaction than an adult in an equal relationship. It is not even the topic but the tone of the post that’s scary.

springydaff · 05/03/2020 03:30

Contact your local Womens Aid. They will support you.

Do the Freedom Programme.

If you can't get this horrible man out of your life for your sake, PLEASE do it for your children. Contact Womens Aid, do the Freedom Programme, there will be plenty of people there who can help and support you.

He is not all-powerful, I promise you. He has made you frightened of him by threats and intimidation. The law is far stronger than him and he has to obey the law Flowers

BlackCatSleeping · 05/03/2020 04:44

I hope you are doing ok. I agree that it isn't normal to be so scared of his reaction. I can understand why he might be annoyed that he was late, but his reaction is excessive and scary.

I also think that having a few extra basics in is just good common sense. I have bought in a few extra bags of pasta and cat food, etc. just in case. It won't go to waste and you never know what is going to happen in the future. Even if there is just a bad storm and the roads get closed off or the car breaks down and you can't get to the shops. It's nothing to get worked up about.

NeverGuessWho · 05/03/2020 05:41

Op are you OK?

Am Zi the only one assuming the silence means things didn’t pan out as we were all hoping: with OP’s OH being understanding & rational?

For you OP: Flowers

ScissorsBike · 05/03/2020 06:09

Jeez, you said sorry. Can't he just laugh with you about it?!

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/03/2020 06:15

You didn’t muck up at all. My dh eye rolls at me buying extra in right now and he’s leaving me to get on with it. My need to feel safe trumps his feelings, we have the money. I do hope you are processing what people are saying. The way your husband treats you, his reaction and yours are not remotely normal. Please come back and tell us if you are ok.

Knocksomesense · 05/03/2020 06:15

Hope you come back to update op. Your fear is worrying

bellinisurge · 05/03/2020 06:18

Jesus Christ. We are most of us in new territory here. People's reaction is uneven but it's not a competition of playing 'chicken'.

The willy waving over how nonchalant a person is is pathetic.

ColdCottage · 05/03/2020 06:19

I'm more worried about your fear of your husbands reaction than anything else.

Yes he might not agree with what you did but it's not the end of the world and you should no way be this worried about his reaction. Feels like a very unbalanced relationship.

Janicejaniceahmfallin · 05/03/2020 06:29

Checking in on you, OP.

I really hope he came home and apologised and you both laughed about it and enjoyed the rest of your evening. But I suspect not.

Even if your husband is not physically abusive, living with someone controlling and explosive is mentally damaging and emotionally draining. It’s also important to realise that it’s NOT normal. It’s not how healthy, happy relationships work. He’s not all-powerful and you are not obliged to live like this, and if he doesn’t see a problem and is not open to change, you really need to assess your options. At the very least, look up the Freedom Programme.

I really hope you’re ok.

Kastanien · 05/03/2020 06:30

I have stocked up on a few things, I think it is just common sense. My husband rolled his eyes a bit. I think your DHs reaction is well over the top, and you have not really done anything to deserve it. Hope all is well with you now.

frumpety · 05/03/2020 07:03

Did he go to football training and everyone else mentioned their stockpiles and he came back and pretended he thought it was a good idea after all ?

tenredthings · 05/03/2020 07:06

He sounds a right cunt. You shouldn't be living in fear of his judgements and anger.

Yes It was annoying for him that you forgot he needed the car but the rest is kind of understandable. Why is his opinion on having a few stocks more valid than yours ? He might well come to appreciate having a few xtra supplies in the coming weeks. Stop apologizing, it just validates him being a bully.

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 05/03/2020 07:15

Why are you with this controlling arsehile who has no respect for you and treats you like a child?

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 05/03/2020 07:19

And the fact that you are now waiting in fear tells me everything I need to know about your relationship. How long has this all been normal to you? How long have you been cut off from yourself and sense of self worth that this just doesn’t even register with you that you shouldn’t be living like this?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 05/03/2020 07:25

Are you ok OP?
He sounds like a complete bellend.
Is he normally financially controlling and aggressive?

OtherVoicesOtherRooms · 05/03/2020 07:30

Your anxiety is interfering with your life. Get help with that.
As for your DH, he has every right to be pissed off but you already know that. You agreed to get the car back at a certain time and you didn't.
You have apologised & he can see you are in a state about what has happened - where is his empathy?
I hope things went ok last night OP.

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