Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am. Mucked up.

254 replies

whattheheckisgoingon · 04/03/2020 20:30

So I was on the way home and popped in to the supermarket to pick up a couple of bits for the kids‘ tea.

When I saw all the emptying shelves I just panicked! Ended up spending 30 mins doing a ridiculous panic buy of the basics, just in case we need to self isolate. Completely irrational. (We’ve had a case confirmed in the town next door - the news came through just before I went into the shop - and I think that sent me over). I feel so stupid.

But the other thing is that DH needed the car to get to football training this evening. So I have made him very late for that. I called on my way back - apologised that I was running late and admitted I was acting irrationally- but he just hung up. He was apoplectic when we go back home, and wouldn’t accept any attempt at an apology. Almost exploded when he saw the shopping. He is very, very angry.

He has also previously been very clear that we should not stock up and I have blatantly done the complete opposite which he will take as massively disrespectful. I just lost my head, I guess.

I’ve sent him a text saying how sorry I am. I am; I know I shouldn’t have done it.

He’s going to be super angry when he gets home. I’m so worried about this. He says I am very selfish. I didn’t mean to be, but I know I was.

I know I’ve been an idiot. I just don’t know what to do when he comes back still extremely angry. I honestly don’t know how to appease him. He’ll be back in 45 minutes and I’m readying myself for his anger over it all.

Don’t know why I posted really. Sounds stupid in writing. I’m just very worried. I know I was unreasonable. Sorry if I posted in the wrong bit.

Any advice?

OP posts:
AuditAngel · 04/03/2020 22:18

Oh, and i didn’t ask DH as I am in charge of food shopping.

AcrossthePond55 · 04/03/2020 22:18

Why are you so afraid of him?

I've pissed my husband off any number of times about any number of things but I've never been afraid of him or his reaction.

MrsGrindah · 04/03/2020 22:21

It’s the other way round in our house..DH is the panicky one. He’s started stockpiling and I’ve said it’s too soon but I’m not cross with him. I would be if say he spent so much money we can’t pay the mortgage etc but I still wouldn’t want him to be scared of my reaction. We all react to threats differently. At times like this you should be a team.

BrendasUmbrella · 04/03/2020 22:21

Apologize for making him late, and then leave it. You're not a child. And you're allowed to change your mind like everyone else is.

If he went to the supermarket and saw that hardly anything was in stock would he just say "oh well" and leave? If he'd bought other stuff I'm sure he wouldn't feel he had to apologize to you.

Pompei36 · 04/03/2020 22:27

Is he violent? you sound very scared of him 😥

TheBouquets · 04/03/2020 22:29

that is a lot of stress over spending some money. As long as it has not left the household short for the bill and presuming that you have bought foods that the family like I don't see why he has to go so angry.
Don't stand for any of this

Friendsofmine · 04/03/2020 22:32

It is definitely selfish to panic buy. I had to go to 2 shops to buy toilet roll and the checkout lady said she sold 10 packs to one lady just before I arrived.

So I would be annoyed too. I wouldn't expect my OH to feel scared of me.

HollowTalk · 04/03/2020 22:35

Is the shopping going to put you in financial hardship?

Wellintentionedreader · 04/03/2020 22:37

I think it was wise and sensible to get some extra supplies in ; I'm starting to do the same .
Decades of living in rural isolation taught me to be prepared and good housekeeping does not happen accidentally .
I'm very worried about how scared you are of your husband , though and that amount of fear would make anyone panic . His reaction and attitude towards you is wrong .
Flowers

Zoecarter · 04/03/2020 22:46

My husband is the most level headed person I know. we needed a shop as we have just got back on Holliday and he said get a couple of bags of pasta, rice, tinned Toms, beans, sausage and beans and frozen veg like peppers and onions. And nappy’s and stuff for the baby. Just so if we need to self quarantine we are cool and not panic buying if it gets called. If not it will get used any way so it’s no big deal.

LuluJakey1 · 04/03/2020 23:08

DH and I agree panic buying is not something we want to do. Saying that I stocked up for Brexit and still have most of it. Yesterday I had a bit of a panic and bought 3 months of cat litter and cat food and 32 toilet rolls. Never crossed my mind to even tell DH- he would just grin and say I put the cats before anyone else in the house.

Why are you scared of your husband? Does it really matter what he thinks about something that is so small in reality? Does he want you to feel so fearful of him? Does he get some sort of control/power kick from it? He's not sounding very kind or loving.

ferntwist · 04/03/2020 23:29

It’s sensible to have some extra stocks in the cupboard. You did the right thing. Current advice is that 80% of us could get the virus, 50% suffer symptoms, 1% mortality. Any of us might need or wish to self-isolate over the next couple of months and you’re keeping your options open.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/03/2020 23:35

Your post really sounds like you're afraid of your husband - is he normally this over-reactionary?

Yes it was annoying that you made him late for football and he's probably a bit irritated that you changed your mind last minute and literally did a panic buy, but there's no reason for him to be "apoplectic" and for you to be afraid he's still going to be raging when he gets back unless there's something deeper going on here; or unless you've blown the month's food budget or something.

Hopefully he'll calm down and you can have a rational conversation about it.

mathanxiety · 04/03/2020 23:35

He sounds like a thorough pill.

Are you often afraid of him or is it just tonight?

Hannsmum · 04/03/2020 23:40

How are you OP?

Is he back?

Is he calm?

YgritteSnow · 04/03/2020 23:42

Why does he get the last word on what preparations you are making? He sounds horrible.

pallisers · 04/03/2020 23:50

I honestly don’t know how to appease him. He’ll be back in 45 minutes and I’m readying myself for his anger over it all.

I could possibly imagine saying this about my dh if he had found me hitting our children or shagging the neighbour. but because i had made him late and bought a few groceries?

Seriously OP you are in a very disfunctional dynamic here.

TimeForPlentyIn2020 · 04/03/2020 23:52

To be fair, we don’t know the extent of the OPs stockpiling do we? If she’s bought an extra few bags of shopping, that’s one thing. Maybe she filled the car?

Thinkingabout1t · 04/03/2020 23:55

Seriously worried here, OP. He is demanding respect but giving none to you. You should not be living with a man who bullies and frightens you. Do you have anywhere safe to go, friends or family nearby?

pallisers · 05/03/2020 00:02

if dh filled the car with unnecessary groceries, I'd laugh at him after I told him he was being stupid. I certainly wouldn't have him at home worrying about how to appease me because I was going to be in a rage hours later.

Electrical · 05/03/2020 00:02

No one should ever be scared of their spouses anger, the fact you’re scared of this mans rage about absolutely fuck all would indicate that he’s an abuser and you’re appeasing him. Phone the police if he’s threatening/intimidating/attacking objects/assaulting you, it’s no way to live.

GabsAlot · 05/03/2020 00:18

Whats disrespectul-it is because he decides what stuff to buy?

Look at your title op-you already assumed you were bu -and weve all said the opposite

MadameMeursault · 05/03/2020 00:19

You send scared of him. He sounds controlling. This does not sound like a healthy relationship. It’s not really about shopping is it? There’s massive red flags all over your post OP. Are you ok?

Stompythedinosaur · 05/03/2020 00:22

Just adding to the pps saying this doesn't sounds normal or health in a relationship.

It's probably fair enough for him to be irritated 're you not being back for him to go to his hobby if you had agreed to be, but it isn't ok for him to use anger as a tool to frighten you.

Also, you don't need his permission to stock up. You are able to decide for yourself.

MadameMeursault · 05/03/2020 00:24

Is he violent OP?