Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am. Mucked up.

254 replies

whattheheckisgoingon · 04/03/2020 20:30

So I was on the way home and popped in to the supermarket to pick up a couple of bits for the kids‘ tea.

When I saw all the emptying shelves I just panicked! Ended up spending 30 mins doing a ridiculous panic buy of the basics, just in case we need to self isolate. Completely irrational. (We’ve had a case confirmed in the town next door - the news came through just before I went into the shop - and I think that sent me over). I feel so stupid.

But the other thing is that DH needed the car to get to football training this evening. So I have made him very late for that. I called on my way back - apologised that I was running late and admitted I was acting irrationally- but he just hung up. He was apoplectic when we go back home, and wouldn’t accept any attempt at an apology. Almost exploded when he saw the shopping. He is very, very angry.

He has also previously been very clear that we should not stock up and I have blatantly done the complete opposite which he will take as massively disrespectful. I just lost my head, I guess.

I’ve sent him a text saying how sorry I am. I am; I know I shouldn’t have done it.

He’s going to be super angry when he gets home. I’m so worried about this. He says I am very selfish. I didn’t mean to be, but I know I was.

I know I’ve been an idiot. I just don’t know what to do when he comes back still extremely angry. I honestly don’t know how to appease him. He’ll be back in 45 minutes and I’m readying myself for his anger over it all.

Don’t know why I posted really. Sounds stupid in writing. I’m just very worried. I know I was unreasonable. Sorry if I posted in the wrong bit.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Lifeisabeach09 · 04/03/2020 21:14

Do you often walk on eggshells around him?
Alleviate your anxiety---dump the fucker!

TheyDoDoThat · 04/03/2020 21:15

You have a dh problem. You sound terrified of him.

Ravenesque · 04/03/2020 21:15

His reaction is way over the top. So you had a momentary panic, so what? He's entitled to be a bit cross about being late for footie practice but the rest, not at all.

When he comes home he should apologise for being such a dick and if he doesn't you seriously need to think about what sort of man you are with. None of us should be scared of our husbands/wives and if you are then there is something horribly wrong with your marriage.

missymousey · 04/03/2020 21:17

he will take as massively disrespectful
This doesn't make sense in most relationships OP - your DH doesn't get to tell you what to do, or that you have been "disrespectful" by not doing what you had previously discussed. Especially not about something as minor as buying some extra tins and loo rolls.

MingVase · 04/03/2020 21:17

I’d be a bit annoyed if someone’s panic-buying made me late for something, but would roll my eyes and forget about it in minutes. You, on the other hand, sound absolutely petrified of him. Are you?

Janicejaniceahmfallin · 04/03/2020 21:18

So he’d ’previously been very clear’, and you feel your actions have been ‘massively disrespectful’ because you’ve had a bit of a moment and gone against his opinion.

And now he’s ‘apoplectic’, ‘won’t accept any attempt at an apology’, ‘almost exploded’, is ‘very, very angry’. And when he gets home, hours later, will still be ‘super angry’.

As a result of which you are berating yourself for being ‘an idiot’, are ‘so worried’ about him coming home, you ‘don’t know how to appease him’ and you’re ‘readying’ yourself ‘for his anger’.

You’ve done nothing wrong. You made a mistake. Not even a big mistake, just a momentary blip. Even if you’ve spent money your family can’t quite afford, a reasonable man who genuinely loved you would never make you suffer like this - fearing his return to your home, filling you with anxiety, making you cower and grovel to excuse yourself and avoid his anger.

If this is a regular dynamic in your house, then your husband is a cunt and your marriage is borderline abusive. I’m so sorry. I hope you’re ok.

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 04/03/2020 21:18

Unless your having bought this stuff means that you will miss a mortgage payment or something - actually, no. You bought groceries and Mister Man is furious about it. That's fucked up.

MrsNoah2020 · 04/03/2020 21:18

You have posted similar before, OP, and got similar answers. Have you got anyone to support you IRL? Could you approach a solicitor or CAB? I know leaving is frightening, but you will never be free of fear while you're with this man.

Janicejaniceahmfallin · 04/03/2020 21:21

Just re-read your post and mine, and not quite sure why I included the word ‘borderline’ there ...

DDiva · 04/03/2020 21:21

I hope he's calmed down when he is back. I can understand him being annoyed that he is late because of your panic buying but it sounds a bit extreme.

My cupboards are always well stocked, my h always jokes if any of our staples get low but I just like it that way ......

Fuckbrexit · 04/03/2020 21:24

He sounds like a massive pompous bellend and you sound like a victim of domestic abuse. I hope this thread helps you see clearly how wrong this is

Dailyjunglegrind · 04/03/2020 21:24

Please don't for a moment think you are foolish.. .. it is honestly a shock seeing the shelves so barren of standard product. I think the empty toilet roll, soap, and flour isles got me. All staples.

It is a mothers instinct to be hopeful but prepare for the worst. You haven't gone out and brought a new handbag. Trust me, your not alone down the same rabbit hole.. at worst I have advance purchased normal supplies..

Icecreamdiva · 04/03/2020 21:26

Your post reminded me of the way I would be as a child when my bullying, controlling mother had caught me being naughty and was going to ‘deal with’ me later. I’d be tearful and panicky and explaining and making excuses just like you - because I was powerless over her (often very unreasonable and disproportionate) anger.

Are you behaving like that as way as a hangover from childhood experiences or because your husband treats you like a child? If it’s the second some counselling might be helpful. Of maybe someone here could recommend some useful reading. No one should be as scared of their partner as I was of my mum.

tolerable · 04/03/2020 21:26

dya know what.it wasnt really being late home,panic buying or panic-posting that was in anyway unreasonable. Being so utterly wound up about anyone,but especially his reaction is outrageous. I almost hate my self for asking-is this a reflection of you?or him?
if its you.you need help. if its him. you need help

Fluffycloudland77 · 04/03/2020 21:27

It’s not normal to stay angry for hours. Not normal at all.

puds11 · 04/03/2020 21:29

Definitely not the panic stockpiling that’s the issue here!

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 04/03/2020 21:31

Your post is very worrying, but not because of some extra food. Can you tell anyone about this behaviour, and do you have anywhere to go if you need to get away from him?

honeyloops · 04/03/2020 21:34

This is one of the saddest things I've ever read on here.

OP - listen to these dozens of people telling you it isn't normal to be this scared of your husband's reaction to anything, let alone what was at worst, a silly anxious decision.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 04/03/2020 21:35

A few things jump out at me.

You had a difference of opinion over whether to stock up or not. It seems like rather than agree to disagree (ie 'if you want to then you organise it and pay for it, I'm not bothered') his word is the final word. Why does your opinion not matter? What harm is there in having a few more tins and dried goods in the house?

You mention a few times how angry he will be. You sound like you're scared of him. It gives the impression he over reacts. Is this the case?

For most couples, unless there is a backstory like you're on the bread line and spent the last of the cash on this, or he is actually a football manager and let a whole team down, this would have been a roll your eyes and be pissed off for 10 minutes thing because youd been a bit daft. Most people would not be worried about their partner being angry hours later. He was late for a hobby, he hasn't lost his job and nobody has died. If he doesnt accept your apology then he is a moody bastard

overnightangel · 04/03/2020 21:35

OP you know this isn’t normal, right? Either to live in fear or to minimise his net and accept it.

overnightangel · 04/03/2020 21:35

*anger not net

Asimovsfutureishere2020 · 04/03/2020 21:36

Send him to read this, OP

Tell him to write his concerns on here and we will speak to him.

AddressLabel · 04/03/2020 21:36

As others have said, you have a DH problem. He's right to be annoyed you made him late for an appointment, but he's completely OTT about it and your reaction is very concerning.
If it makes you feel better, my DH has just come back from shopping. He felt compelled to buy bog roll, tissues, soap, nappies, pasta and spaghetti hoops for some reason. Oh, and passata. I've just let him get on with it. He did the same with Brexit, but we've already used most of our Brexit supplies up lol.

Darbs76 · 04/03/2020 21:36

Please let us know all is ok once he’s home. Please read what everyone is saying

NoMoreDickheads · 04/03/2020 21:40

He shouldn't be this controlling of you OP/you shouldn't be this worried about how he responds to things.

You have your ways/feelings and he has his, and all of us panic sometimes - a lot of people are at the moment.

Most partners would probably just smile at most and think what you did a bit funny- or just understand and be supportive. xx

Swipe left for the next trending thread