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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie about death of puppy

316 replies

Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 13:36

We are weeks away from welcoming our new puppy into our home and the breeder has just phoned to say she’s passed away. I’m absolutely gutted. We had visited the puppy several times and named her. She was just 7 weeks old. Breeder comes highly recommended, I fully checked them out. My kids are 5 & 6 and I just don’t know what to say to them. When DD’s hamster died we told her the truth and she was absolutely devastated, I’m not sure I can face telling her the puppy has died. I can’t think of a good reason to tell them as to why we aren’t bringing her home now though.

OP posts:
YeahWhatevver · 04/03/2020 13:37

What's the alternate though?

Saying the puppy is going to stay with it's mum?

adaline · 04/03/2020 13:38

Well what else would you say?

Just tell them the truth.

Dixiechickonhols · 04/03/2020 13:38

No I wouldn’t lie. Tell truth in age appropriate way.

Windyatthebeach · 04/03/2020 13:40

Stall and find another puppy? Absolutely no need to tell 2 little dc something really don't need to know.
The puppy wants to stay with it's dm is fine.

Mulledwineinajug · 04/03/2020 13:41

Definitely wouldn’t lie. She will be devastated but that’s part of learning about death and grief and developing understanding. She’ll still be gutted if you say the puppy isn’t coming to live with you for some other reason and then one day she will realise you lied and can’t be trusted to tell her difficult truths.

Original poster
Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 13:41

Thing is my eldest really suffers from anxiety and I know this will send her into a tailspin about any future puppies dying.

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/03/2020 13:47

You must tell them the truth, kids smell bullshit a mile off and then when/if they find out they won't trust you.

abigailsnan · 04/03/2020 13:47

Its sad to have to contemplate telling your children this news about their expected puppy,tell them that the puppy was poorly and has had to stay with its mum, (white lie)think yourself lucky this has happened now and not a week or so into the puppy being home with you and they could have witnessed what had happened.
Take their mind off the disappointment by enlisting them in finding another puppy I wouldn't confirm on bringing a puppy home until at least the first injections have been done.

Windyatthebeach · 04/03/2020 13:48

Our ddog was pts last week...my ds is 5. If I could have saved him his tears I would have.
Doubt your dc would label you a bad dm /liar if they find out in years to come.
My friend's dd lost a fish during the night once. We shaped a carrot into a fish and dropped it in the bowl.. Replaced Fishy before 3pm.
You do what you have to....
She was 4.

jimmyhill · 04/03/2020 13:48

Thing is my eldest really suffers from anxiety and I know this will send her into a tailspin about any future puppies dying.

This might be a good way to learn how to deal with and manage her anxiety then.

Wolfiefan · 04/03/2020 13:49

You have to tell the truth. Do you know why it died? That’s so sad.

IHaveBrilloHair · 04/03/2020 13:49

It might make me a terrible parent but I'd lie.

EmeraldShamrock · 04/03/2020 13:50

Definitely white lie. I was devastated as a DC when my arriving puppy died. it was a winde up there was no puppy at all in my case
Tell them he had to stay with his mum. It'll be easier to except.

HalfTermHalfTerm · 04/03/2020 13:52

I actually would lie, if I’m honest. I completely agree about children needing to understand about death and grief, but I’m not sure telling them the truth about a 7 week old puppy dying is the best way to go about it. If it was an older rescue dog or a dog that you knew had health problems then I would say tell them the truth, but I’m not sure there’s anything to be gained from doing it in this situation.

I agree that it’s difficult to think of an excuse if you don’t tell the truth, though.

TheTrollFairy · 04/03/2020 13:52

How did such a young puppy die? Are you sure they are a proper breeder and not a back street puppy farm?

Anywho, I’m not sure you should tell her if she’s suffering with anxiety but I have heard the book ‘me and my fear’ by Francesca Sanna is an excellent book for kids with anxiety

Gadgnkk · 04/03/2020 13:52

Are you 100% sure the puppy actually died and isn't going to someone else? Maybe that's just me being cynical, having seen so much shitty behaviour in my decades on this earth.

I would say to the kids that breeder is now keeping her and you will be getting a puppy from another breeder.

Original poster
Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 13:52

Breeder says there’s no disease or anything, the rest of the litter is fine. She said this happens once in a blue moon and it’s just one of those things. I am really thankful it didn’t happen after we’d brought the puppy home yes. I just can’t bear the pain it will cause my little ones.

OP posts:
QuestionableMouse · 04/03/2020 13:53

I'd lie too, and put the focus on finding a new pup.

Tiggering · 04/03/2020 13:54

Windy, did the carrot fish work? That’s ingenious.
OP, it would be extremely easy to tell them that the puppy isn’t feeling well and needs to stay where it is. At that age they’re too young to understand death anyway so they probably wouldn’t even learn about it from the upset of knowing anyway.

Jeezoh · 04/03/2020 13:54

I’d also tell a white lie and say the puppy is a bit poorly so going to stay with it’s mum.

Original poster
Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 13:55

We’d paid a hefty deposit and she is giving it straight back to me so I don’t think it’s gone to someone else. I researched these people to the hilt, they come highly recommended from lots of people I know and they run a kennel licensed by the local council so I really don’t think there’s anything dodgy about them.

OP posts:
Dontunderestimateme · 04/03/2020 13:55

That is a horrible thing to have happened. I really feel for you and your DC's but I really think you need to tell them the truth. They need to be able to trust you to be honest with them, and help them learn how to deal with hard things like this.

Dragongirl10 · 04/03/2020 13:56

I would usually say always tell the truth,

but ......after seing the long term intense upset my dc went through when we unexpectedly lost our dog in an accident, and the ongoing fear they have of our current dog dying, l would tell a white lie as they are so young and find another puppy.

So sorry op you must be very upset.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 04/03/2020 13:57

Yes I would lie too. Puppy dying is just too sad. Even if she twigs when she grows up she’ll probably thank you for it.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 04/03/2020 13:57

Oh man, that’s hard. Has the breeder explained why? I’d be really concerned...

I think if it was me, I’d get that great Mog book out, explain in honest but child appropriate terms and be ready to provide a lot of comfort today. Death is hard and I do think learning to deal with it in childhood is important... but it is really hard, especially after the hamster.

I’m sorry Flowers