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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To lie about death of puppy

316 replies

Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 13:36

We are weeks away from welcoming our new puppy into our home and the breeder has just phoned to say she’s passed away. I’m absolutely gutted. We had visited the puppy several times and named her. She was just 7 weeks old. Breeder comes highly recommended, I fully checked them out. My kids are 5 & 6 and I just don’t know what to say to them. When DD’s hamster died we told her the truth and she was absolutely devastated, I’m not sure I can face telling her the puppy has died. I can’t think of a good reason to tell them as to why we aren’t bringing her home now though.

OP posts:

Branleuse · 04/03/2020 15:39

i would tell the truth in a kind child-friendly way. Puppy became poorly and went to be with the hamster, but we will maybe look for another puppy.
And then get a rescue puppy instead

Madwithjealousy · 04/03/2020 15:41

Why on earth would people recommend telling the truth ? Fair enough if it was a family pet but it hadn't even reached the house yet. Say anything; say that the mummy dog really missed her baby so it had to stay. You can get another puppy and call it the same name and they'll be fine. I don't know where people get off on causing unnecessary grief !

CaptainButtock · 04/03/2020 15:43

Tell them you’ve had a think, and on reflection have decided that it would be much kinder to adopt from a shelter.

FeeFee832 · 04/03/2020 15:43

Find another puppy. She'll never know

Our dog died when I was younger and my parent replaced her after 3 months. I never realised - I was 6!

Mum told me years later - never bothered me

FeeFee832 · 04/03/2020 15:44

Why would you tell them the truth / expose them when she has anxiety?!

Some posters on here are crazy! They're only 5 and 6!!

AryaStarkWolf · 04/03/2020 15:45

I'd lie

DesLynamsMoustache · 04/03/2020 15:45

@EstebanTheMagnificent I think it probably depends on the individual child, really. If you have a happy-go-lucky child who isn't prone to anxiety and who would be sad for a while but then get over it then the truth would be preferable. But OP has an anxiety-prone child who she says would find it very affecting and it would have a big impact on her, in which case a white lie is probably preferable to the alternative. I'm sure OP is working on her DD's resilience and anxiety, but a dead puppy as some sort of life lesson for an already anxious child might be a step too far!

DesLynamsMoustache · 04/03/2020 15:47

The point of that post was to say that what we might do is influenced by the temperament and personalities of our own children, much of the time.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/03/2020 15:48

Please don't tell them the truth!!! They are so young, just say the puppy is unwell and has to stay with it's mother

Yes - the vet found that it was poorly and needed special care oly its mammy can give it.

This is heartbreaking, but it does happen even with the most carefully bred litters. I assume that all of the other pups are reserved? The breeder might know of another breeder with a litter available.

EstebanTheMagnificent · 04/03/2020 15:50

@DesLynamsMoustache absolutely, and I completely appreciate that a lie would be the kindest and most appropriate choice in OP's case for her own DD.

say that the mummy dog really missed her baby so it had to stay

This lie would cause my DD far more distress in the long term once we did get a puppy. She would be very worried about the mummy dog who had been parted from its puppy and would find it distressing any time the puppy cried, whereas I'm fairly sure that she would grieve the dead puppy and then move on. Nothing to do with 'getting off on causing unnecessary grief' as a PP has so charmingly put it.

ImGoingSlightlyBrad · 04/03/2020 15:55

I would also go with the "puppy is poorly so is going to stay with their mum" line.

hellcarryingahandbag · 04/03/2020 15:57

Can you not just get another from the litter in lieu of your deposit?

LucheroTena · 04/03/2020 16:00

Gosh I’m sorry op, how sad. I’m all for telling kids the truth and I rarely coat anything in sugar but in this case I see no reason to tell them what happened. It wasn’t a pet you owned and it might make them fearful of a new pups health. I would say the breeder decided to keep it as it was a bit small and needed to stay with it’s mum.

womenspeakout · 04/03/2020 16:03

I would be appreciative if my parents lied to protect me from something like this.

I know kids have to accept death as we all do but somehow a dead puppy seems exceptionally cruel news

This is it exactly. It just seems needlessly cruel to inflict the death of a little puppy on a child who never got the chance to even love it yet.

I was raised in a dog loving home, they were part of our family, and of course I had to deal with their death, starting when I was about ten. But I had had ten years of loving the dog.

I think it would be a kindness as a parent from preventing them from this hurt. It's not as if in years to come they'll be resentful for sparing them the grief of a puppy that never came home with them. they probably won't remember, especially if you do get another dog/puppy, but they could suffer for quite a while with this.

Every parent lies, white ones and bigger ones, and this one doesn't harm the children at all.

womenspeakout · 04/03/2020 16:06

expose them when she has anxiety?!

I guess those saying tell the truth despite this have no idea how bad anxiety can be, and with a child who doesn't have adult rational thinking and are somewhat in a world of their own, it can be soul destroying.

It's just not worth telling the truth.

Mummyshark2018 · 04/03/2020 16:07

I see no reason to tell the truth. It's not like lying about the death of a family pet that has lived in the home. They're never going to meet the breeder or know any different. I would probably say that the breeder changed her mind and decided they wanted to keep the puppy with its mummy.

LolaDarkdestroyer · 04/03/2020 16:08

My comment was deleted but I didn't mean the op seemed strange I meant the seller saying that ?

LolaDarkdestroyer · 04/03/2020 16:12

And just to add I would lie no question. This could really affect a child s as be give them nightmares etc and last a long time. Just tell them they are keeping the pup as the mum of the pup loved her the most and was sad she was going. Job done.
Though I don't think the pup had died tbh someone said this to me years ago with a kitten I was meant to be having....I think they got offered more money. Normally when puppies and kittens die it's in the first couple of weeks not 7/8 with no apparent reason.

halfsoaked · 04/03/2020 16:14

I just can’t bear the pain it will cause my little ones.

If that's how you feel then maybe pets aren't for you?

Marmit · 04/03/2020 16:22

I don’t think you have to tell them. It’s different when it’s a pet you own, but in these circumstances I don’t see how it helps the kids in any way.

Just tell them the puppy wanted to stay with it’s mum and you know they will be disappointed but that they will understand, and that the puppy for you is out there somewhere. Then consider adopting - still no guarantee of health but at least you know the dog has had a thorough check up.

Porcupineinwaiting · 04/03/2020 16:22

So if you tell her that the puppy is going to stay with its mummy, how are you going to explain its absence when you go to visit puppy #2?

AppleBang · 04/03/2020 16:23

You don't need to get peoples opinions on this. Who cares if Joanne in London is a stickler for the truth?

Trust your instincts. Puppy wants to stay with mum so who fancies choosing a new one?

womenspeakout · 04/03/2020 16:27

Though I don't think the pup had died tbh someone said this to me years ago with a kitten I was meant to be having....I think they got offered more money. Normally when puppies and kittens die it's in the first couple of weeks not 7/8 with no apparent reason.

I was thinking this was possible too. Does the breeder show? It's possible it has some potential and it's gone to a show home, or if it's not an ethical breeder, they may have been offered more money and given it to them.

If that is the case, it would been completely unnecessary grief.

lowlandLucky · 04/03/2020 16:27

People and animals die, it is something that you shouldnt lie about. You cant protect your children from real life

Raspberrytruffle · 04/03/2020 16:30

Me personally I've always told my DC the truth even if it causes tears, death sadly is a fact of life. You must be heartbroken.

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