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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie about death of puppy

316 replies

Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 13:36

We are weeks away from welcoming our new puppy into our home and the breeder has just phoned to say she’s passed away. I’m absolutely gutted. We had visited the puppy several times and named her. She was just 7 weeks old. Breeder comes highly recommended, I fully checked them out. My kids are 5 & 6 and I just don’t know what to say to them. When DD’s hamster died we told her the truth and she was absolutely devastated, I’m not sure I can face telling her the puppy has died. I can’t think of a good reason to tell them as to why we aren’t bringing her home now though.

OP posts:
GarlicSoup · 04/03/2020 13:57

Lie without a doubt. Sorry about your little pup.

HunzintheHood · 04/03/2020 13:58

Yes just say it’s staying with it’s mum. Honestly some of the comments above are ridiculous. In years to come your dcs won’t even remember the puppy that didn’t arrive - they’ll remember the one that you actuall get instead.

Original poster
Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 13:58

I am really upset, have been in tears constantly, I’d fallen in live with her myself but it’s mainly about the pain the kids will feel that we aren’t getting her.

OP posts:
TheGirlWhoLived · 04/03/2020 13:59

I would not lie but also not tell the exact truth! So “we can’t have the puppy any more, as the breeder rang and said we can’t, so we have to look for a new one”

Without going into exact details this covers things, allows them to be a bit upset without being anxious and is the truth!

VistaOfFreedom · 04/03/2020 14:00

Another vote for lie and start the hunt for another pup.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 04/03/2020 14:02

Oh no I’m so sorry. As hard as it is to tell the truth and as easy as it is to lie, please be 100% honest with them. If you say The puppy wants to stay with his mummy. They’ll be forever asking or thinking “is he ready to come with us now”. Likewise when my mum had a miscarriage I was around 6 and my mum just said “The baby wasn’t ready, and in my head I kept thinking “When is the baby going to ready”.

lastqueenofscotland · 04/03/2020 14:02

I’d just tell a white lie like the puppy Is poorly and needs to stay stay with mum.

Casander · 04/03/2020 14:02

Normally I'd say tell the truth but in this case I'd also tell a lie and say puppy was staying with its mum, poor puppy and poor you. Sorry OPThanks

SouthwarkRoad · 04/03/2020 14:03

Thing is my eldest really suffers from anxiety and I know this will send her into a tailspin about any future puppies dying.

But without being horrible, they will. Maybe not when they're puppies, but it is not uncommon for animals to contract illnesses and die.

If you really don't think she can cope with that it probably isn't a good idea to get a family pet tbh.

AJPTaylor · 04/03/2020 14:03

I would not tell them the truth in these circumstances. As pp say puppy cannot come to you so you are going to find a different one.

Sackofspuds · 04/03/2020 14:03

Lie. There's no reason not to. The truth would unnecessary hurt and make them panic about the next one.

Springsnake · 04/03/2020 14:04

Absolutely lie ,lie and lie some more
Puppy wants to stay with its mum ,
So we will find another
Has the breeder got another puppy from the same litter not yet sold

MrsHusky · 04/03/2020 14:05

I would lie and tell them there are problems and the breeder has had to refuse to place the puppy with you, or something.

Then hype them about finding another puppy.

Windyatthebeach · 04/03/2020 14:06

My friend's dd was touched we had gone to such trouble to save her tears...
She was 20 's when we fessed up!

JRUIN · 04/03/2020 14:06

Only you know how well/badly your DCs are liable to take the news OP. Honesty isn't always the best policy and I don't think you would be being unreasonable either way. Perhaps you could break the news gradually by saying the pup is poorly so won't be able to leave it's mother for a long while,if at all, so would they prefer to look for a different puppy. Kids can be impatient and quite fickle so hopefully they'll agree.

Original poster
Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 14:07

She is only 6, she coped with her hamster dying but it obviously really upset her because she was only 5 at the time. To be told that the puppy she has fallen in love with has also died before we even got to take her home would be pretty hard for any child to deal with, let alone one who suffers with anxiety. I think to deprive her of the enjoyment of a pet that she’s desperate for because she gets anxious is harsh. Yes pets do die but this is an unusual situation.

OP posts:
Gadgnkk · 04/03/2020 14:07

I would say that you need to casually brush it off for the kids. As a pp suggested, that pup is staying with breeder, we'll be getting another.

I don't think talking about death of a puppy that they never actually owned is a good plan. It would be different if she'd died after you got her, you'd have to tell the truth then and they would have deal with it better as they'd have been seeing the pup every day.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 04/03/2020 14:08

I might be in the wrong, but I think I would say the lady you were buying the puppy from has decided to keep the puppy with it's mum, and yes it's sad, but you'll find another puppy.

EstebanTheMagnificent · 04/03/2020 14:08

I am genuinely surprised at the number of people who would lie.

If you really don't think she can cope with that it probably isn't a good idea to get a family pet tbh

I'm afraid I agree with this.

Mintychoc1 · 04/03/2020 14:08

I would lie, definitely. Absolutely no need for them to know the truth. I would say that the puppy had to go with one of its siblings to a different home so they could stay together and be happy. But that you will find another puppy instead.
I'm presuming none of the rest of the litter ate available to buy?

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 04/03/2020 14:08

Children need to learn about death, they need to know death hurts & it’s ok to be sad. Otherwise you end up with adults unable to cope with emotions of death.

Death is a fact of lie, it WILL happen to us all. It’s the only guarantee we have in life.

By lying you aren’t protecting your child, you are failing to teach them a perfectly normal emotion

You tell them puppy sadly died

Wolfiefan · 04/03/2020 14:09

Licensed doesn’t mean reputable.
Lots of people you know? Local people? If so then this is NOT a reputable breeder at all. Good breeders don’t churn out lots of pups.
I’m so sorry this has happened. I know sometimes tiny pups fail to thrive but I would have expected them to be past that stage by 7 weeks.

Zevb · 04/03/2020 14:09

Please don't tell them the truth!!! They are so young, just say the puppy is unwell and has to stay with it's mother. My kids were absolutely heart broken when our dog died as was I, we all cried for days, it was awful. Why put them through that? Just start looking at getting another puppy for them.

Original poster
Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 14:10

No they’ve all gone. There is another litter due next month from her other dog and she has said we can have first pick.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 04/03/2020 14:10

I would also lie at this age. What is telling them the truth going to achieve? If the dog lived with you it would be a different story entirely.

I totally understand why you are linking this to the anxiety. My dd has fair amount of anxiety. No way would it have been beneficial to tell her the truth at this age. It would have made the anxiety far worse and you also have your youngest to consider.

At 5/6 she was seeing a child psychologist to help her. I am pretty damn sure the CP would have oK’d a white lie such as this.

Yes, children learn resilience as they grow and anxiety needs to be managed in an age appropriate way. I find the comments suggesting that your 6 yo should use this situation as a lesson in resilience seriously unhelpful.