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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie about death of puppy

316 replies

Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 13:36

We are weeks away from welcoming our new puppy into our home and the breeder has just phoned to say she’s passed away. I’m absolutely gutted. We had visited the puppy several times and named her. She was just 7 weeks old. Breeder comes highly recommended, I fully checked them out. My kids are 5 & 6 and I just don’t know what to say to them. When DD’s hamster died we told her the truth and she was absolutely devastated, I’m not sure I can face telling her the puppy has died. I can’t think of a good reason to tell them as to why we aren’t bringing her home now though.

OP posts:
CadburyFlake · 04/03/2020 14:54

Surely she's going to be pretty devastated regardless of the story you tell?

At least truth means you can be clear that the puppy won't be coming when it's feeling better in a few months etc. And as a PP mentions if you return to the same breeder you don't have to ask everyone to lie.

I have anxious DC so get the desire to protect them from the pain though I think I'd tell the truth in your shoes.

womenspeakout · 04/03/2020 14:54

All those saying don't lie, do you not partake in Santa either?

Or is that different because it's all about joy?

Well so is the idea of a puppy, no need to shield it in grief.

Peacenquiet2 · 04/03/2020 14:54

I'd tell them it needed to stay with it's mummy for whatever reason... and find another dog to buy, there's plenty time in the future to find out about things like this. Why upset your already anxious dc at this age

LikeDuhWhatever · 04/03/2020 14:55

Tell them the puppy was very smart and he got chosen to be trained a guard dog for blind people or something along that line.

Beautiful3 · 04/03/2020 14:55

I would say that the puppy is really poorly so has to stay with his mummy.

izzywizzygood · 04/03/2020 14:56

Don't go to a breeder, end of. People makes thousands for free by doing this - the mother has to endure her puppies taken away from her repeatedly before they are "of age" .(Would you like your Darlings taken away from YOU and given a 'nice home' with someone else? If you really want a dog, go to a shelter.

Having a dog does not entail a 100% happy life for you or the dog. There will be vet visits and unexpected medical issues, which can be very distressing. Introducing a dog into a family where anxiety is present maybe not be the best thing in that case.

Lllot5 · 04/03/2020 14:57

Just say the puppy is poorly and has to stay with its mum. But don’t worry we can get another one.

Figgygal · 04/03/2020 14:57

Yes they’ve seen the dog and know that they’re getting that dog but they’ve never had the dog so just say that the breeder has decided to keep the dog with its mummy and that you need to get a different one

I don’t understand why you would bring in the concept of death and get them all sad because it’s dead rather than because it’s staying where it is and it will be happy? They will never need to know the true story so why put them through it?

Parahebe · 04/03/2020 14:59

If you decide to lie, and you go ahead and get another puppy from this same breeder, you can't say the current puppy is staying with its mum - the kids will want to see it when you visit the new puppy. I don't think I would lie about it, but if you do, you need a lie that will stick.

I don't think I would buy another puppy from the same breeder. It's probably just really bad luck that this one died, no fault of the breeder, but I still wouldn't do it unless it was a breeder I already knew and previously had healthy animals from.

I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago when I booked a kitten which died (quite late, at 10 weeks). The breeder returned my deposit and offered me the pick of the next litter, but I had unanswered concerns about what happened to the kitten so I declined and went to another breeder.

BrendasUmbrella · 04/03/2020 14:59

They're 5 and 6 and the puppy hasn't lived with you. I see no point in upsetting them. Yes the death of a pet is not an avoidable situation but that's not what this is. It's what it nearly was. At their ages you can easily say "He wanted to stay with his Mummy so we'll find one who is ready to come and live with us" and they'll accept that. They'll encounter some harsh realities of life soon enough, I don't know why some posters are eager for it to start asap...

DesLynamsMoustache · 04/03/2020 14:59

I would lie in this case. If she's anxious, there are more gentle ways to work on that than dead puppies as a life lesson. It sounds like she isn't ready for that just yet.

TeaAndASitDown · 04/03/2020 15:03

I'd make up a white lie too.

For everyone saying this would be a good learning experience: any of us could introduce our kids to a puppy, and then the next week, tell them that it has died. Then they could learn to manage their grief.

But of course, we don't do that! unnecessary grief is not something you need to learn how to manage. It's very easy to protect the children from this and I'd take that opportunity.

IntoTheUnkown · 04/03/2020 15:03

I would lie.

I also have one especially anxious DC. We work hard to encourage all of our DC to deal with and work through losses - family members and numerous pets, and I don’t advocate too much sheltering. But in this case the puppy never really became part of your family, and it’s easy to avoid the grief. Life will throw enough at them, and at a young age I don’t think you need to face this head on.

Find another puppy and enjoy bringing it home without this shadow colouring your DC’s experience of that.

And Flowers.

BreatheAndFocus · 04/03/2020 15:04

Just to add - I’d be worried about getting a puppy from the same breeder because I don’t think it’s usual for puppies to die at that age unless they have some serious medical issue. Puppies do die, of course, but it’s usually soon after birth or at a very young age.

I’d be hesitant signing up for the next litter until you knew more details.

Booboostwo · 04/03/2020 15:08

I am sorry about your puppy. Unfortunately I don't think you'll be able to lie about it, but I do feel for you and your DD.

It's very rare for puppies to just die like that, isn't the breeder getting a necropsy done? I would also say that a breeder who has both bitch and dog, and breeds every other month is not a decent breeder.

BossAssBitch · 04/03/2020 15:10

Just tell them the puppy isn’t ready to leave the mother yet and so you are going to choose a new puppy. Don’t tell them the puppy is dead! There really is no need to upset them, they might very well be devastated. Those saying you should always tell the truth To children are being ridiculous.

Children don’t need to ‘learn’ how to deal with ‘the emotions of death’ Hmm

curiouscatgotkilled · 04/03/2020 15:14

Im normally an advicate of always telling children the truth but in this occasion as you didnt actually own the pup I cant see why its worth upsetting them. I would also say that pup is staying with its mum.

If it was actually your dog living in your house that would be different.

WeeNippy · 04/03/2020 15:15

It's really not that rare for a pup to just die, could be fading puppy syndrome or some genetic issue. I've know pups of a few weeks to die from being squashed by mum as well. I would just say the pup isn't well and they're not selling it anymore or they decided to keep it. No need to upset a couple of very young children.

fedup2017 · 04/03/2020 15:17

I'd like 100%. No doubt about it. And I wouldn't feel the slightest bit guilty about it either.

EstebanTheMagnificent · 04/03/2020 15:18

I’m finding this thread fascinating. It really would not occur to me in this situation not to tell my 6yo the truth (and yes, we do Santa / tooth fairy etc). I’m not suggesting for a moment that OP or anyone else who would lie is wrong - it’s just very interesting to me that my instinct is so different to the majority on this particular issue.

Topseyt · 04/03/2020 15:27

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I would have been devastated too.

I would tell the white lie to protect your children from the worst. Say that the puppy became ill and the vet has told the breeder that it will have to stay with its mother after all.

Then you can either source another puppy from a responsible breeder or perhaps go to the nearest rescue shelter (or breed specific online rescue) and offer to adopt one of their dogs.

You probably already considered this puppy your pet in some way. Losing a pet at any stage and in any way is painful. I wished there had been any way of mitigating the pain my family felt when we had to have our 15 year old labrador put to sleep last November. There wasn't though. My daughters are 25, 21 and 17 so we all just had to pull together and support each other.

Ages 5 and 6 would have been a different scenario though. Unless the death occurred at home I would shield them as much as I could.

One thing you say about this breeder rings alarm bells, rightly or wrongly. Another litter due next month from their other dog!? Do they almost always have a litter for sale? Back to back litters like that could still be puppy farming.

halcyondays · 04/03/2020 15:30

It wouldn’t have occurred to me not to tell the truth either and we also did Santa and the Tooth Fairy.

Delbelleber · 04/03/2020 15:33

That is so sad. Could you tell the kids he's gone to work on a farm or be a police dog or something.
I know kids have to accept death as we all do but somehow a dead puppy seems exceptionally cruel news Sad Flowers

Cissyandflora · 04/03/2020 15:36

This is a time for lying in my opinion. No need to cause your child pain. Poor little dog. I would be appreciative if my parents lied to protect me from something like this.

Delbelleber · 04/03/2020 15:36

Also if I told my kids the truth in this situation I garuntee I'd never hear the end of it. We've had run over cats and old dogs put to sleep in the past and they are a reoccurring topic especially for my 11yr old