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Original poster

To lie about death of puppy

316 replies

Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 13:36

We are weeks away from welcoming our new puppy into our home and the breeder has just phoned to say she’s passed away. I’m absolutely gutted. We had visited the puppy several times and named her. She was just 7 weeks old. Breeder comes highly recommended, I fully checked them out. My kids are 5 & 6 and I just don’t know what to say to them. When DD’s hamster died we told her the truth and she was absolutely devastated, I’m not sure I can face telling her the puppy has died. I can’t think of a good reason to tell them as to why we aren’t bringing her home now though.

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/03/2020 14:11

P1nkHeartLovesCake

Totally agree with your post

BreatheAndFocus · 04/03/2020 14:11

How upsetting, OP Flowers I’m so sorry.

In this case, I’d not tell the blunt truth, I’d try to think of something vague, something that wasn’t a complete lie. So maybe something about her not being available any more because the breeder says she needs to stay with her/needs special long-term treatment (vague but kind of true). I would also say that the breeder has pointed you towards a replacement (even if she hasn’t) and you’re busy arranging that for the future.

I’m all for being truthful, but this is one occasion where I’d fudge the truth.

Original poster
Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 14:13

They are breeders so they do breed their dogs, I saw the mum and dad, they do all the genetic testing and have the certificates and people are always raving about them on Facebook and posting pics of the dogs they bought from them, I’ve spoken to people in the same village as me and they have had no probs, what more Can I do to check?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 04/03/2020 14:13

Cross post. Are they the same breeds. If they are, you may even get away with getting a similar looking dog and not even tell them. Just the dog is poorly and do a count down to when you can collect the new one.

AxisOfDick · 04/03/2020 14:14

Jesus christ, you lie and save your kids a lot of angst

Save the getting used to death bit for an acquaintance or older neighbour, not on a pet that the children were so invested in

Grumpos · 04/03/2020 14:16

No don’t say the puppy died!!!!
Say that the puppy doesn’t like to be away from its mummy and so you’re going to let them stay together and you’re going to find a new puppy to be part of your family.
If the dog was already living with you sure I understand age appropriate truths but there’s no need for them to know about this, especially if it’ll affect your child’s anxiety

EstebanTheMagnificent · 04/03/2020 14:16

It would be a very bad idea to rush finding a new puppy as a substitute.

ChristmasFlint · 04/03/2020 14:16

Lie....the puppy doesn't want to leave his mum so will be staying with the breeder....very breezy presentation. Don't worry we will be getting another puppy soon!

ChickLitLover · 04/03/2020 14:18

I’m so sorry this has happened, how heartbreaking for you.

I would lie, your children are so young and if you can shelter them from this, I think you should. Yes, pets die but not usually so young. If you get another puppy, your children will hopefully be well into their teens before they have to deal with its death after many happy years together. I’d say the puppy is very attached to it’s mum and is a bit poorly so the vet says she needs to stay with her mum.

TheMagiciansMewTwo · 04/03/2020 14:20

I'd lie. There is absolutely no reason to upset your DCs. There is nothing to be gained from it. They're not going to find out and if you tell them when they're older, they'll appreciate you did it to spare their feelings.

So many people lie about this that there's the old joke about dogs 'going to live on a farm'.

There are some deaths that DCs need to deal with. But this isn't one of them. I'm so sorry for the puppy and for you Flowers

TheDizzyRascal · 04/03/2020 14:20

OOooooh I think I would fib, they'll still be upset because the puppy isn't coming home so I don't think I would make it worse with what really happened, this sort of thing could give them nightmares and there's no need for it. I wouldn't call it a lie, it's just avoiding the truth for their own benefit. So sad for you, hope you find another puppy xxx

Mintychoc1 · 04/03/2020 14:21

I don't understand people saying a 5 and 6 year old have to get used to death. They've got plenty of time to see death before adulthood. This isn't the same as lying to a 12 year old that their pet has died, which would be wrong.
I think facing up to something dying when you're too young to grasp it is actually more damaging and creates more long term anxieties.

justasking111 · 04/03/2020 14:21

I would lie, say puppy too poorly and has to stay with its mummy. That they can understand. You can say you are going to find another puppy who is well. Sometimes pure bred dogs do die at this age, my friend had actually bought the puppy home and it died within 48 hours, that was traumatic.

SavageBeauty73 · 04/03/2020 14:22

I would lie. Just say the puppy wants to stay with her family. So sad.

justasking111 · 04/03/2020 14:22

I do feel sometimes that some posters think we should always tell the truth. There is no santa, tooth fairy, magic, in the world. I find that weird to be honest.

mcmooberry · 04/03/2020 14:23

I would say that the breeder made a mistake and that puppy is going to another family but you are going to get another puppy in 3 months from her in time for the summer holiday (or some such spin) which is when the new litter will be ready to go. I agree not to frighten them by saying the puppy died, it would definitely be a very unusual situation for a puppy of that age who was previously thriving to suddenly die.
If you don't plan to get a puppy from that breeder then of course you can say that she decided to keep her.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 04/03/2020 14:23

Oh FFS people! Show a bit of compassion. I grew up on a farm and was well used to animals dying and also being taken of to be killed. I’m also Irish so grew up seeing people’s bodies, but these are still very young children who have already experienced the death of a pet. The six year old is well aware of a pet dying, BUT she doesn't need to know that her puppy has died, as it hasn’t actually lived with them yet. The wee soul already has anxiety, so she doesn’t need this information if her mum can find a way around it.

I’m also going against the idea that a pet isn’t right for an anxious child. A pet is exactly what the child needs, as it will give her something positive to focus on. Try to get another pup, OP. You could just say that the breeder things she has a more suitable pup for you, as the first one didn’t like cuddles, or something childlike.

Rojelio · 04/03/2020 14:23

I would lie...if it was already your pet and you'd had it for a while I would be more inclined to gentle tell the truth but in this instance its easier to explain away and like some posters have said puppy can no longer come as its poorly and needs to stay with mum now but we will look for another puppy etc etc
Death is a part of life but its not a constant part, white lies also are a part of life!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 04/03/2020 14:23

Let's look at this cooly.

Children take their lead from adults when dealing with grief...

This is a good lesson in loss and grief...

So how much upset is OK? If we think of grief on a 1-10 scale... Loss is loss BUT different levels of HOW upset it is OK to be...

Yes you saw the pup and chosen it... But you hadn't lived with it and built memories of taking it out and walks and training it...

So I would put this in the 1-2 out of 10 category, sad, but not in the crying for days category..

It is not the same as close family dying....

It is a good chance for you to model good emotional regulation to them... It's sad but not TOO overwheming

AlternativePerspective · 04/03/2020 14:24

For those saying that if the children find out they’ll never trust their parents again what rubbish.

This is a puppy which essentially never was. They never owned the puppy, they saw it a couple of times and were hoping to get it is all.

There is absolutely nothing to be gained by telling the truth here.

And I see the usual culprits are keen to point out this breeder must be a puppy farmer because one of her puppies died. Of course puppies die sometimes. Not necessarily that often but it does happen.

dellacucina · 04/03/2020 14:25

I'm not usually for lying, but I would say that the puppy is very sick and needs to stay with its mummy. It's pretty grim to introduce the idea of death when the puppy never even came home with you.

amusedbush · 04/03/2020 14:26

This happened to someone I know. She picked out a puppy and when it was a few weeks old it chewed its puppy pad, choked and died Sad

I'm sorry this happened. I would lie my arse off to save any more upset than is necessary.

Jellybeansincognito · 04/03/2020 14:27

This is information they really don’t need to know.
You can simply just say that you’re going to find another puppy and go and do just that.

Episcomama · 04/03/2020 14:28

Tell them that the pup had to stay with it's mum, then go round all the rescues this weekend as a family and adopt another. Make it into a fun thing to do together

grizzlysky · 04/03/2020 14:29

i would lie tbh at that age they have years to learn about death and if it is gonna affect your dds then lie for a one off

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