Do other people's OH's do this when they get home?

[Toomuchtooyoung01]

Currently a SAHM with newborn and 2.5yr old.
OH works full time, often does extra hours here and there as overtime pay is good. I'm very appreciative of him working hard, taking on the financial burden etc. After he's home I do baths and bedtime for both kids, am breastfeeding both of them (obviously newborn round the clock and toddler has fairly regular comfort feeds), he doesn't really need to do anything when he gets in but it would be really helpful if he held newborn etc so i could gave both hands to do whatever it is I'm trying to do. When he gets home, he will without fail say "let me get in, let me get in" and by this he means make himself a coffee, settle on the sofa with it, spend time tapping away on his work laptop, usually a good half an hour after he gets home before he's of any assistance.
It's not even a massive peeve, it's more I've had a rough day with the kids today and when I thought of him getting home in a while I realised actually I could add on an extra 30mins before I can expect any help and just wanted to know if this is usual in other households where one parent is working full time and the other is at home? Am I being unfair in sometimes feeling irritated by him desperately requiring coffee etc before he can be expected to hold one of his children so I can get on?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras - the work laptop that he taps away on for half an hour is a clue here that he isn't a miner or bricklayer or bus driver.

And actually if he had any of those occupations he would most likely have union membership and his employer would be obligated to ensure he had adequate breaks.

Indeed, LOL at the idea that there is 'lunchtime' for mum when you have a newborn and toddler.

Lol at the idea of a professional job in which he works over time where you work 9-5 with an hour for lunch.

8-6 with 20 mins to grab a sandwich

And a long commute

mathanxiety

the work laptop that he taps away on for half an hour is a clue here that he isn't a miner or bricklayer or bus driver.

Is it? My husband has a very heavy manual job. Has to fill out reports every night on his works laptop. Most definitely not an office job that he does.

And actually if he had any of those occupations he would most likely have union membership and his employer would be obligated to ensure he had adequate breaks.

My husband is in a union. They technically get a 30 minute break in a ten hour day. Don't always get it though as it depends on how difficult the job is, how bad traffic is between each job etc etc.

When I had a well paid office job there was a long hours culture around getting in early and more pointedly leaving late. Leaving before 7pm got you "jokey" "having a half day?" comments. However the work could have usually been done in half the hours and vast amounts of time was spent drinking coffee and looking busy. There were also rushes, when everyone had to work flat out, but very much peaks and troughs around the project flow and absolutely never a day without time to drink copious amounts of coffee!

I career switched due to the soul crushing pointlessness of working just to generate money, no other reason. I now do something not desk based but still have time to drink coffee. Most people working for a wage have points in the day where they can drink coffee if that's their priority...

Aren't you the lucky one @poolsofsunshinethroughtheglass

I'm a solicitor. Most of my colleagues and I don't even take lunch breaks. Standing around drinking coffee is unheard of as is having periods where there isn't much on.

user1469190646 why do you have to stand around drinking coffee? Why can't you drink it while going through preparing paperwork at your desk?

Some people love telling all and sundry how busy, busy, busy they are but it's usually just terrible organisation, busywork, and/ or a choice not to take two minutes to make a coffee. With the exception of some critical healthcare settings nobody is too busy to make a coffee and drink it at their desk two or three times in nine hours.

Apart from anything it's terrible working practice not to organise your time with three to five minute breaks built in every hour or so. It's counterproductive and eight or nine hours of work done without breaks will be of a poorer standard and after the first hour will ironically take the worker longer, than work done by the same person without short breaks.

See people who aren't in the profession don't understand.

The senior partner is 61 and she was there at 7pm when I left last night.

I barely see her in the kitchen..

All the deliveroos arriving with peoples dinner after 7pm because they can't leave

It is so simple to someone who doesn't do the job or know how all consuming and relentless it is.

They just say it is bad management...if only

People who say this are Probably the same people who think they don't deserve 30 mins to decompress after a long day when they work over time to support a family.

OP could wean the 2.5 year old so they're both depending on her for comfort feeds but no must not that. The right to co sleep and boob 3 year old all day is staunchly defended on here and then they wonder why they don't sleep at night and want night feeding...because you've normalised and allowed it.

I'm out.

With the exception of critical health care staff? Really? So you think every other employee can have coffee at their desks and organise 5minute breaks every hour? Really?

So do you think teachers can do that? Or checkout staff in supermarkets? Or call centre staff? Or many other jobs where you are constrained by when you can have breaks and for how long. I get a 15 minute break during my 6 shift and I am told when I can take it. I can have a water bottle with me, nothing else. I have to ask to go to the toilet.

Do you not realise that not everyone works in a free and easy setting where they can set their own breaks and just wander off whenever they like? So many people on here just assume that all jobs are like their own. They just can't contemplate that many workers don't have those freedoms at work.

I think you're just being contrary now Hearhooves.

She says he doesn't peel off his work boots or other work clothing, or uniform or gear indicating a manual job.

He has a work laptop. I think it's pretty clear that he has an office job.

user1469190646
Lol at the idea of a professional job in which he works over time where you work 9-5 with an hour for lunch.
8-6 with 20 mins to grab a sandwich

You saw where the OP says she is feeding a baby 24/7 and wrangling a toddler during his or her waking hours?

Not getting proper sleep for weeks while at the same time recovering from childbirth plus having to stay awake and alert to keep a toddler from killing himself trumps '8-6 with 20 minutes to grab a sandwich' any day.

user1469190646

I used to work in a law firm like that.

It actually was bad management. It was normalised and allowed because nobody dared say boo to the managing partner. He wouldn't hire enough associates to get the work done because that would mean sharing the $$$. So when the call for overtime went out at about 4 in the afternoon the staff with children had to scramble to get them picked up from childcare by grannies and uncles and even next door neighbours, the small group of rookie lawyers worked inhuman hours and secretarial staff were so pissed off by the constant expectation of overtime that they usually lasted about a year at most before they found a better run office.

Hearhooves, funny how you are so taken aback by people unable to imagine a workplace like yours but you apparently couldn't imagine a home where babies and children could keep you literally running for hours without the possibility of a trip to the loo.

mathanxiety

Not being contrary at all. Simply pointing out that there are non office based jobs where using a laptop is a requirement. Doesn't have to involve removing work boots either.

As for can I imagine s SAHM not being able to go to the toilet during the day - no, I can't imagine that because you can always manage it. Maybe not in peace but it's easily done.

You're just determined to argue that the op has the most important, most difficult, most tiring and most stressful job going and that the action of working to pay a of the bills, house, feed and clothe a family of four is meaningless and not at all tiring or stressful.

Well I’ve been a solicitor in a City firm with a long hours, stress filled culture. And I’ve also been a SAHM to a difficult 2 yr old and a newborn, who both didn’t sleep well. Being in the office was sooo much easier. 1000% easier. Even when I was back at work and still getting up in the night, it was easier than being at home. Nobody screaming at you, dealing with (mostly) reasonable adults, is so much less tiring and stressful.

If I’d had an easy going 2 year old and a newborn who slept reasonably well it might have been different I imagine. Although still can’t see how there’s much spare time in the day even with the easiest 2 yr old and baby.

You're just determined to argue that the op has the most important, most difficult, most tiring and most stressful job going and that the action of working to pay a of the bills, house, feed and clothe a family of four is meaningless and not at all tiring or stressful
Hearhooves

My argument is that this man is thinking just like you - that it's a competition and he has to show his wife who has the worse time of it.

The H is feeling very sorry for himself and wants to give her a lesson in what work and obligation are by selfishly claiming the need for a rest when he gets home, and ostentatious use of the work laptop - underlining the notion that his work is exhausting, stressful, and never-ending drudgery.

Meanwhile she is doing all that is necessary to run the house and take care of the toddler and newborn, without a full night's sleep since the baby was born because taking care of the baby involves feeding him round the clock..

If he was really that tired he would keep over on the couch and fall asleep within seconds, as many a mother of a newborn does the second her head hits a cushion or pillow.

*keel over