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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband forcing me to work

227 replies

workshy44 · 03/03/2020 14:51

I work in my DH's company. When I started the company was on its knees, making huge losses. I effectively ran a business within a business and for about 17 years made about 70% of the profit for that company and it could be argued having me there attracted other business I wasn't directly involved in.
it was relentless though, while not a difficult job it means being tied to your desk so taking holidays even an hour off was virtually impossible. A few years ago things changed so I wasn't so tied but now another change so its back to being totally relentless
I should add that I absolutely HATE this job and hate what I do. It is just massive massive pressure
I am paid ok but I have made millions and millions for the company that my DH owns 90% of. Last year alone after tax etc 2.5 million
yet whenever I say I want to take time off or leave he going nuts. He knows that if I leave things will take a hit but I figure I have made him enough money and I don't want to be doing it for another 20 years. I have paid my dues and contributed enough
Part of the reason why it is "all on me" is the way he runs the company, always has to be the good guy so no one takes any responsibility as they don't have to

I said it again recently that I wanted to take a year out and he was like great so will I (expecting me to go oh no we both can't) so I said great. His face dropped, I should add that a year ago he was planning on retiring to invest and play tennis and hiring someone to do his job (all the while expecting me to keep working in a job I HATE to make him money)
There was a change in the business that made that impossible so he didn't in the end.
I think he is being massively unfair on me and if he cared at all he wouldn't keep me in a job that just takes so much out of me when I have already made him an incredibly rich man

OP posts:
MsChatterbox · 03/03/2020 14:54

Can't believe what I've just read. Of course he's being unfair! No advice for you unfortunately. Hopefully someone else comes along.

Purpleartichoke · 03/03/2020 14:57

None of this makes any sense. Why would you do this job you hate without a share of the business. You could go work somewhere else if you just needed a salary. You are working there because it’s a joint business. I think you need a solicitor.

cliodh · 03/03/2020 14:57

If you divorce him you get half... just saying 😀

Batqueen · 03/03/2020 14:58

Are you unable to hire a replacement for you?

katy1213 · 03/03/2020 14:59

Remind him that if you divorce him you'll be claiming 50%. Then advertise your job and give him a month's notice.

peanutbutterandbanana · 03/03/2020 14:59

Perhaps you need to go to the doctor and get signed off for stress. Your health is important. Do you have children?? Do you get any share of the £££ you talk about it all being his. He sounds very controlling.

Sparklfairy · 03/03/2020 15:00

I was just going to say what cliodh...

frazzledasarock · 03/03/2020 15:01

I’d take the financial reports to a divorce lawyer. So he can’t shaft you.

Hanab · 03/03/2020 15:01

If he wants you to carry on working he should make you full partner!

Aridane · 03/03/2020 15:02

Jeez - it’s not a year off you need but a 50% share in the business

workshy44 · 03/03/2020 15:03

I thought for years we were doing it as we were building something together , that there would be a pay off but it doesn't look like that will ever come for me - I just feel now it will never be enough.
Its all in his name as is everything else but we are married now so not too worried about that as I will get 50% in the event of a divorce
I'm just so sick of it and there just seems no end in sight
It would be hard to replace me - more that I would harder and faster than most and I care, even good people usually become the opposite in the company as they are too nice and people become totally entitled

OP posts:
nestisflown · 03/03/2020 15:03

What @frazzledasarock said. Though by this point a loving husband would have given you significant shares in the business a long time ago. Says everything you need to know about him and the respect and love he has for you.

mummymeister · 03/03/2020 15:04

Wow! I would be more worried about the state of my marriage than my employment. Lots of us do jobs we hate for the sake of family finances. this is a joint enterprise isnt it? the money he earns goes into the family pot not his pocket? wont your standard of living take a massive hit if the business fails? you two seriously need some couples counsellling to sort this out. not an advice forum

Skysblue · 03/03/2020 15:04

I don’t understand why he owns 90% of the company, if you’re both working flat out as the owners then it feels like it should be more like 50:50. If you’re ‘just’ an employye then you should have proper working hours and ability to give notice.

I don’t understand why he doesn’t care that you are unhappy in your job.

I don’t understand why he can’t just hire someone else to do your job.

It seems like he dominates you in a very unhealthy way. I hope you’re ok.

If you can, get him into marriage counselling so he can hear from someone else that this is all not ok.

Assuming that he refuses counselling, maybe have a think about whether or not you want to try to fix the marriage and how to escape it if you don’t.

nestisflown · 03/03/2020 15:04

And on your question, just hand in your notice. He doesn't own you and should be supportive of steps you take to improve your quality of life.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 03/03/2020 15:04

Who owns the other 10% and why would you graft that hard without ever becoming an equal and owning a large % yourself.

You could always divorce him and take a nice chunk of money with you.

xILikeJamx · 03/03/2020 15:05

There's a lot a vagueness in this post so it's difficult to really judge.

Though surely if he owns 90% of the company he could just award himself a couple of million pay rise for one year then you can both disappear off into the sunset?

workshy44 · 03/03/2020 15:05

We have two kids
He v much under estimated how much the business was making to me. I only saw it by chance last years numbers and he did his best to hide them from me. This is more though about me continuing to work trying to hide money- he wouldn't want me to think I didn't have to anymore

OP posts:
Dozer · 03/03/2020 15:05

You should’ve set up the legals to have a proper share in the company etc, and should seek specialist legal advice.

Wigglewaggle01 · 03/03/2020 15:06

Why on earth have you plowed so much of yourself into a job you don't own any part of?

When you started to improve the business why didn't you get at least a decent share, but preferably a co-owner/directorship?

What I'm trying to say is why have you got yourself into this position and how on earth do you think you will ever get anything out of it?
Quite honestly legally I would say you are up shit creak if you ever want to be recompensed in anyway.

workshy44 · 03/03/2020 15:07

I own none of the company- there is a another few that own the balance
xILikeJamx you would think that but it doesn't look like that will ever happen. I will probably end up dropping dead at my desk before I get to leave
The thing is I don't have that much money - my salary is good but I end up paying for a lot so couldn't afford not to work unless he subbed me and he is basically saying that is a flat no

OP posts:
nestisflown · 03/03/2020 15:07

We have two kids
He v much under estimated how much the business was making to me. I only saw it by chance last years numbers and he did his best to hide them from me. This is more though about me continuing to work trying to hide money- he wouldn't want me to think I didn't have to anymore

At this point you should be filing for divorce. What husband treats their wife like that and what employer treats their senior employees that way? You can't trust him- he's a selfish, mean and controlling man.

Dozer · 03/03/2020 15:07

How much do your family finances and your personal pension depend on the business continuing to succeed? It sounds like you have low confidence in your H to manage the business in your absence.

Dozer · 03/03/2020 15:08

Get legal advice with regard to the business and divorce.

AudTheDeepMinded · 03/03/2020 15:10

You have more power than you realise. I think you need to work out a few conditions of you staying in post...