Husband forcing me to work

[workshy44]

I work in my DH's company. When I started the company was on its knees, making huge losses. I effectively ran a business within a business and for about 17 years made about 70% of the profit for that company and it could be argued having me there attracted other business I wasn't directly involved in.
it was relentless though, while not a difficult job it means being tied to your desk so taking holidays even an hour off was virtually impossible. A few years ago things changed so I wasn't so tied but now another change so its back to being totally relentless
I should add that I absolutely HATE this job and hate what I do. It is just massive massive pressure
I am paid ok but I have made millions and millions for the company that my DH owns 90% of. Last year alone after tax etc 2.5 million
yet whenever I say I want to take time off or leave he going nuts. He knows that if I leave things will take a hit but I figure I have made him enough money and I don't want to be doing it for another 20 years. I have paid my dues and contributed enough
Part of the reason why it is "all on me" is the way he runs the company, always has to be the good guy so no one takes any responsibility as they don't have to

I said it again recently that I wanted to take a year out and he was like great so will I (expecting me to go oh no we both can't) so I said great. His face dropped, I should add that a year ago he was planning on retiring to invest and play tennis and hiring someone to do his job (all the while expecting me to keep working in a job I HATE to make him money)
There was a change in the business that made that impossible so he didn't in the end.
I think he is being massively unfair on me and if he cared at all he wouldn't keep me in a job that just takes so much out of me when I have already made him an incredibly rich man

You're utterly deluded if you think you'll automatically get half.

Why is she deluded?!

She will likely get more than half.

Poor you, I think you need to change your attitude, take a week off and don’t answer the phone, if he loses business then so be it. What would happen if you died tomorrow? He’d have to get someone else to do your job.

I just want to leave, even if it was you can in a year that would be enough, just that there was an end in sight.
I genuinely think he thinks he is doing nothing wrong and I am there for the good of my health.
He is totally blinded to anything except his own needs in all of this.

You're utterly deluded if you think you'll automatically get half. You really need a forensic accountant and then a divorce solicitor, a really good one

THIS

Well yes, he does sound like a prick, but I imagine things like people calling you when you are off, not being able to take holidays when things go wrong, are in your control somewhat?

I think you need to talk to a coach or counsellor to work out the balance of the issues here: is it that you want to leave him? Is it that you want to sort out your work life balance (which you don't need his permission to do!)? Is it that you want to take your share out of the business and give up completely?

There's quite a few things to unpick.

I would be visiting a solicitor

I can understand why it might come across like that but I am not trying to be a martyr - what I do is not difficult, you just need to be quick and have attention to detail.
Our work world does not attract high or even moderately good people so it is harder than you might think to find someone.
I don't want to be needed, that is the last thing I want and I lost my ego along with my looks about 10 years ago.

if I go there is no going back so I want to do it with the least amount of damage as possible, if that makes sense but also have a life for the first time in my adult life without this weight pressing on me
I know people say don't care, turn off your phone but that has always been my issue. I would care if I worked in McDonalds !

Despite what people are saying you won't automatically get 50% if you divorce. You could end up with very very little.

You need to covertly get copies of all the financial data on the company and go and see a solicitor.

This doesn't mean you are divorcing him, but you need to protect yourself and your future. What kind of pension do you have?

I dont understand why you allowed your worth to be valued so little. He owns 90%?? And what about you.

OP, you will get all sorts of wrong information about what you will and won't get in a divorce.

I got lots of wrong information on here. So I saw my own solicitor.
They told me that in a divorce it works favourably for the woman if she has the kids.
And it's works very favourably if the woman has worked hard to provide for the family during the marriage. In this instance she will very likely get more than half.

This is from a solicitor. Not randoms on MN.
No delusions here.

'So I don't do it is doesn't get done and we lose business'

we???

I have a v good pension, thats the only thing I have got out of the place and it is recent
I am not massively worried about being shafted, I did speak to a solicitor prior to being married and I would have got a third then.
I will get 50% of the overall assets but they might be split in different ways. We have strong marital laws where I live

I would gather as much financial information as you can about the company. Just in case he tries to shaft you like he’s doing now.

Quite apart from the unfairness of this situation, what on earth is so important that you have to slog your guts out to keep on top of things.

I know some people think working that hard and never getting a break is how it should be but it’s really not. Why can’t you have a day off? It’s a terrible way to run a business if things go to pot if one person takes a day off.

And I agree with others, there is no guarantee that you will be quids in if you divorce. Have you discussed owning a share of the business? Would he agree to that?

I think the comment about the meal ticket is v on point, as is the point about if he cared about me at all he would want me to be happy and not work relentlessly in a job I can't stand
The company is more important than I am, its not even close

The company needs you, but he won't pay you what you're worth? I know you have other issues but this really stands out to me. I don't understand why you think you have no power in this scenario?

He either pays you the salary you deserve, plus money backdated, or you divorce him and get your money that way, how about that? You have much more power here than you think. And it may be worth gathering your proof that you effectively have made the money for this company.

YANBU to want to choose which job you have. You should be able to resign your position anytime you want even if it is your husband’s business. To be forced to stay in that job is to make you a slave.

Y might be U if you are expecting to not do any work at any job at all and just live off your husband.

So, I’d find a replacement for yourself. Or a new job and then leave. He cannot stop you legally.

Ah, not in the UK then?

Well why don't you leave?

He is obviously a ridiculous prick.

But you are choosing to stay.

Start making plans: including leaving this person who wants to work you into the ground for very little return.

Ah there we go. Good for you then OP.

No delusions there!

He might own 90%, but there is no reason for you to own any % - you are an employee. Wives (or husbands) aren't automatically joint business owners with their spouses.
But you should own half of his money as his wife.

are you outside of the UK, OP? Wherever you are, a forensic accountant will give you a good idea of how much is being hidden from you, and that information will help with deciding about both issues (marriage and work).

Apart from not having to work at his company, what do you want to happen? What would happen if you spoke to him calmly about how unhappy you are, and what you would like your life to look like? Do you think that his attitude would be different if he really understood, or do you think he is deliberately abusing you?

Surely if you’re sleeping with the both you could just work the hours you want.
On a serious note though, you have been to invested in the good of the company for too long possibly because a)you have a good work ethic or b) you assumed it was for the future benefit of your family and were working with not for DH towards a coo on goal.
Obviously this is not the case. You are a good employee so you shouldn’t have a problem finding a new job. You could equally start your own company.
There is no proof in what you describe that DH is looking out for your interest. Do you at least own your home together?
If he retires tomorrow you’ll have a miserable existence having to ask for spending money and he’d probably expect you to tag along to his dream even if you don’t share that dream.
Hand in your notice according to your contract and get another job. Once you are independent of him, the dynamic might change. If it doesn’t, you’d have to consider leaving him.

What do you mean you end up paying for things, and he'd have to sub you?

Go home and divorce him if it comes to the worst.