Husband forcing me to work

[workshy44]

I work in my DH's company. When I started the company was on its knees, making huge losses. I effectively ran a business within a business and for about 17 years made about 70% of the profit for that company and it could be argued having me there attracted other business I wasn't directly involved in.
it was relentless though, while not a difficult job it means being tied to your desk so taking holidays even an hour off was virtually impossible. A few years ago things changed so I wasn't so tied but now another change so its back to being totally relentless
I should add that I absolutely HATE this job and hate what I do. It is just massive massive pressure
I am paid ok but I have made millions and millions for the company that my DH owns 90% of. Last year alone after tax etc 2.5 million
yet whenever I say I want to take time off or leave he going nuts. He knows that if I leave things will take a hit but I figure I have made him enough money and I don't want to be doing it for another 20 years. I have paid my dues and contributed enough
Part of the reason why it is "all on me" is the way he runs the company, always has to be the good guy so no one takes any responsibility as they don't have to

I said it again recently that I wanted to take a year out and he was like great so will I (expecting me to go oh no we both can't) so I said great. His face dropped, I should add that a year ago he was planning on retiring to invest and play tennis and hiring someone to do his job (all the while expecting me to keep working in a job I HATE to make him money)
There was a change in the business that made that impossible so he didn't in the end.
I think he is being massively unfair on me and if he cared at all he wouldn't keep me in a job that just takes so much out of me when I have already made him an incredibly rich man

Also, if you think it will tank if you leave or take time off, there's a very good reason for him to officially make you a partner.

I have put yabu as you are married. You should not be working for him to gain the benefit. The fact he is hiding money from you makes me think when he has enough he's planning on trading you in. Ducks in a row is a stupid phrase but very apt for this situation.

Try to teach him how to run the business or you can hire someone to manage everything for a % profit
People are asking you to divorce. Do you really want to divorce after all this time? Discuss all the points with him and I think all gonna be alright.

I can't afford to leave without him supporting me for x period of time while I take a break and find a new job
I could do a few months but not much more than that so its not as easy as saying just leave.
Plus I don't want to go smack bang into a another FT role

What the hell did I just read? This is appalling behaviour from your "D" H.

I second all PP that say you need specialist legal advice - ASAP.

Absolutely agree with @WouldShouldCould. This is a ludicrous arrangement and if he hired a good enough divorce lawyer it could be hard to extract 50%. I've also put yabu simply because the fact you want to take time off is absolutely secondary to the frankly gobsmacking idea that he appears not to share the company gains with you on a personal level. It's couples counseling and mediation you need not Mumsnet opinions based on half the facts.

No one is irreplaceable, if you stopped being available surely someone would step up?!

You implied that you are quite assertive with the business. Apply that assertiveness in your marriage. Don't be a doormat.

You seem to be feeling powerless here when in reality you have a lot of power in the situation.

If you don't like your job YOU CAN LEAVE

If you don't like your marriage YOU CAN LEAVE

You are not a powerless victim in your situation.

Demand you're paid what he's paid. all of it.

And plan your departure in the meantime.

He doesn't love you. If he did, you would be an equal, not an overworked desperate to escape employee on a much lower salary ... even though you've essentially made the business!

He's an arsehole.

YABU to carry on with this. Seek legal advice and a divorce.

Demand 50% of his 90% or you are walking no matter how much it hurts anyone, including yourself.

You should have a fat bank balance by now.

Hold his feet to the fire.

Then work 2-3 years more fill your savings account and decide how to proceed. When you are not scrimping and can have nice things you might feel different.

No man who refuses to give you joint ownership of a company you are both equally invested in will give you half just because you're married and want to leave.

I have no idea who your solicitor was, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND seeing a much better one this time. Whilst you're still working with him, married to him, on good terms with him get it all sorted out properly.

If you loved someone, would you like to see them suffer if it enabled you could play tennis?

If you loved someone, would you like to see them struggle financially while you made millions? (Leaving aside, entirely, their financial contribution.)

If you loved someone, would you try to downplay their contributions to your success?

I would normally say LTB, but in this case quit your job but on the surface play happy families. Use joint funds while looking for another job. When you have a part-time income or job you are happy with then divorce him.

It's not normal for a spouse to own 50% of the business. My mother never owned 50% of my father's business.
But as they were married, all their money was shared, as yours should be so it shouldn't matter.
He's exploiting you, but not because you aren't on the paperwork of the business.

OP if all you want to do is quit this job and for the rest your happy with your marriage then personally I would do the following.

1. Hire an assistant
2. Spend the next 6 months training this assistant in everything you do.
3. Learn to delegate work. Make sure there are consequences when people don't do the work. Under no circumstances fix the problems yourself, point out the problems and oversights and make the people who are supposed to do the work fix it. Have patience when training someone to do your work, stuff that is second nature to you might seem like rocket science to someone trying it for the first time.
4. Line yourself up with a new, less stressful, job.
5. Hand in your notice, tell your husband that its causing resentment in your marriage and no job or business is worth that.
6. Make sure you have a month or two between your last day and your new job.

I think shouldn't take you long to find another job. You sound eminently employable. Polish you cv now and start casting around for something you'd enjoy more. Maybe look for something p t.

Your h should be paying his share of all expenditure, especially if it's child related, and more. If he's getting more than you for himself a d not sharing, then you've not got .such of a marriage have you?

I think you'd be better off all round without him, but you don't, so try to make things fairer on you.

What do you mean he subsidises you, you're making him money!? This is madness, he's finacially abusing you OP. I'm completely gobsmacked at this situation, he doesn't even seem to consider your well being at all. This is worse than a job you hate you have no time off and are being emotionally blackmailed and pressured into staying for the sake of your marriage, he's using you like chattel.

I would not stay, this is abuse. xxx

Divorce him and go enjoy your half of everything........you earned it

He's played you well hasn't he. Even your salary goes straight back into his pocket. Why would he want to employ an outsider and see no benefit when you will work for peanuts and probably do all childcare/housework too.

Why the fuck do you have so little money when he is raking it in?? What % of monthly expenses does he pay for to leave you nothing?

But what do you mean by supporting you?

What do you need financial support with?

Another vote for handing in your notice.
Though I feel that there is so much dysfunction in your marriage, in your working relationship, your financial arrangements, arrangements for contributing to the family etc etc - that I worry that there is just so much to sort out it's just massive. To sum it up: he seems to be treating you like a skivvy/slave/servant, not as a wife, mother of his children, someone he loves and cares about. I'm sorry to say that OP, that is just the impression his actions as described here are showing Good luck OP, you deserve so much better than this.

It is just Armageddon when I'm away so just not worth it

In that case, you have a very strong hand. However, I would be seeing a specialist divorce lawyer on the quiet and gathering evidence. You sound strangely trusting of him, given what he is up to. Presumably the accounts are published but I would be looking for evidence internally. See a divorce lawyer, find out what you need, gather that together and then get out. Anybody kind and decent would not do what he is doing. Lack of awareness is not an excuse. He either is aware and knows what he's doing is wrong or is so lacking in basic humanity and empathy that he's unaware. Either is dreadful.

Could it be that you have to pay half the mortgage? All child care?

I am not on the house, all the assets are in his name so no i don't pay towards them
All his money goes towards building his assets, mine towards things you have nothing to show for; food, clothes childcare, holidays, camps etc