To expect ex wife to pay her way with 50:50 shared care

[youknowitmakessensedunnit]

Women's view please! I got divorced about 2 years ago and went to court over child arrangements with ex wife eventually getting a court order for 50:50 shared care for our 1 child.

I work, ex wife doesn't
We both own our own homes
I have flexible job which allows me to have full freedom to do school runs, hobbies etc in school hours
Child has completely independent life in each home, e.g. no shared stuff
I pay for all school activities and one offs

My ex wife rather than getting a job chooses to claim child maintenance from me via the CMS, child benefit and state benefits, maintaining a position that she is the child's primary caregiver because she doesn't work.

AIBU to think she's a lazy git who should stop sponging?

Do you want a medal?

How is she able to claim cms if the care is 50:50?
That's the only issue here. The rest is non of your business.
How old is the child?

If the care is 50:50, then how can she be receiving any CMS?

Agree you should maintain the kids in proportion to your respective incomes.

But I see no reason for ex-spouses to be maintained unless they gave up their careers to look after the kids and only through that was the other spouse able to have a well paid job, and now they're in their 50s and the only job they could get would be something low waged.

Unless you've missed a very salient point, like she has a disability (or one of your children has), she should get off her bottom and get some sort of job.

Are you in the uk? If you are no way would she be getting CMS if care was 50/50. So it would appear you don’t play daddy 50% of the time after all...

Surely she is only recovering CMS, when it 50:50 if you are an excessively high earner?

I'll take a medal if you're offering one!

Child is 6.

CMS ruled that as ex wife claims child benefit and is registered at the dentist that she provides a greater level of day to day care than me o_O.

If the care is 50:50, then how can she be receiving any CMS

Have to say I was wondering this too but assumed because she wasn't working she was getting something for her 50% too.

How old is the child? How long has she been out of work for......does she have skills/experience which means she could get a job if she chose? Would childcare then be needed and would you pay 50% of childcare costs?

What is the 50/50 care?
Half week at yours/half at mums?

You have more money than her and a shared child.
Do you not put your child first, above petty squabbles?
I don't understand why she chooses to claim maintenance, rather than you offering it for your child
Maybe she can't find a job that's as flexible as yours, or one that would pay enough after she'd paid for childcare.

I suppose it all depends on whether you care about the conditions your child lives in when staying with your ex. If you can afford to pay maintenance and it helps your child, why wouldn't you?

Child arrangements are

Mon Tues her
Weds Thurs me
Alternative long weekends

Half holidays

Via court ordered child arrangements order.

CMS ruled that as ex wife claims child benefit and is registered at the dentist that she provides a greater level of day to day care than me o_O.

CMS calculate on nights.

@P1nkHeartLovesCake 'So it would appear you don’t play daddy 50% of the time after all'

Wow you're nasty. He isn't 'playing' anything, and clearly cares a great deal about his child.

The problem is if she’s given up work for 6 year maybe she can’t find anything apart from minimum wage jobs which include working weekends and evenings. Maybe she’s worried about that with a 6yo in the mix. Maybe she sacrificed her career and earning potential so you could maximise yours?

Of course if she’s a highly qualified professional who could have her pick of well paid jobs and afford childcare, etc I take it back and yes I’d agree that she should get a job. But sometimes I don’t think people realise how hard it is. And it’s a massive arguement for why as a woman you should never give up work.

But at some point OP you must have come to a decision with your ex that it suited you both for her to do so. You reap what you sow.

I would question when this CMS arrange was set up as the rules changed in late 2018 to reflect 50/50 care and that if this is the case neither parent pays CM so if the arrangement was ore this I would definitely get it re looked at

Go back to CMS because that arrangement would mean you don't need to pay her anything.

So how much do you pay?

If it’s as near as 50:50 as you can get then it should be a negligible amount.

Unfortunately the system has to have a main carer for child benefit and tax credits etc.

Keep a diary so you can show how many nights/year she stays with you.

If it is truly 50:50 then she should be contributing towards her child, the same as you.

The fact is that after this long out of the workforce she won't find a flexible, well-paid job. Which means it's in your child's best interests to keep being flexible and making sure he's OK at his mum's. It's not 'fair' but then neither is the gender pay gap.

"The problem is if she’s given up work for 6 year maybe she can’t find anything apart from minimum wage jobs which include working weekends and evenings"

God forbid anyone has to accept a minimum wage job

She has school hours plus 2 whole days free every week and every other weekend!

Because CMS counts overnights stays as a primary factor in calculating the level of financial support to be given. The average number of overnights stays per week are banded & the financial sum reflects this - other factors do come into play. It is not determined by the number or % of tasks undertaken to support the child.

As a Court Order is in place, these are the rules of this case. If you don’t like it, build your case & go back to Court.

If your wife works or not, how the State provides for her & your child is nowt to do with you.

If you have grounds to challenge the State benefit law about the child’s mother being the Primary Parent, then go see a specialist Family Law solicitor or your MP.

There is zero reason why a single parent of one NT school age child shouldn't get a job that I can think of.

I would also go back to cms and ask why if you are required to pay maintenance in these circumstances.

There is zero reason why a single parent of one NT school age child shouldn't get a job that I can think of.

Lots of school hours jobs around your way are there? I was extremely lucky my old job kept me at part time hours but you don't start on those. Particularly in entry level jobs.

Lucky you that you can have a flexible job that enables you to do school runs and hobbies.

Most people can’t, especially people who’ve been stay at home parents for years. She may not be able to get a job that is within school hours/term time (these are like hen’s teeth) or a job that pays enough to cover wraparound care.

I imagine part of the reason you are in your current fortunate work position is because she bore the brunt of the childcare when you were together.

What jobs do you think she can get, which will cover childcare and still leave her enough money to take good care of your child? If she would easily be able to walk into a well paid job then yes I can see your position. But I highly doubt that.

She has school hours plus 2 whole days free every week and every other weekend!

Good luck with finding a job which offers that level of flexibility when you’re competing against 100plus people who have no such restrictions. Unless you have a good skill set you have an uphill challenge.