To expect ex wife to pay her way with 50:50 shared care

[youknowitmakessensedunnit]

Women's view please! I got divorced about 2 years ago and went to court over child arrangements with ex wife eventually getting a court order for 50:50 shared care for our 1 child.

I work, ex wife doesn't
We both own our own homes
I have flexible job which allows me to have full freedom to do school runs, hobbies etc in school hours
Child has completely independent life in each home, e.g. no shared stuff
I pay for all school activities and one offs

My ex wife rather than getting a job chooses to claim child maintenance from me via the CMS, child benefit and state benefits, maintaining a position that she is the child's primary caregiver because she doesn't work.

AIBU to think she's a lazy git who should stop sponging?

Nobody had to get a job. It’s not compulsory.
I would seem from the outside to “not work” but I do very hard it’s not my fault the ex cannot get his around what I do for money and it in no way renegs him of his responsibility for our child

Ponoka7 - there are these people called childminders

I used them myself for years

Even if she works, if the CMS is payable. It doesnt matter what she earns.

It either is or it isnt payable. Her getting a job will change nothing for OP.

@CanIhelpyouatall that's completely wrong, maintenance is not means tested. I get £500pm maintenance and it has no effect on my tax credits.

@Kirkman exactly !

I find mn another world sometimes. Every parent I know works. Not one works termtime school hours only. They all pay for childcare. The ex wife here would only need 2-3 days of wraparound or holiday childcare a week.

Unless they live in the middle of nowhere, this isn't that hard.

You need to separate the facts in your mind. The fact you have 50/50 means you absolutely shouldn’t be paying CMS, and it’s up to you to sort that out by calling them and updating your file. I presume you haven’t done it recently which is why you’re still paying. I’m amazed at the amount of vitriol; given the number of shit fathers on here, one that actually does his job properly is still wrong 🙄.

However, what your ex does with her life is none of your business. Her finances, benefits and employment is not your problem. What she or other people are telling you isn’t necessarily true anyway, and it has zero impact on your life so just forget about it.

Why do you care? It’s none of your business. You’re divorced. Her comings/goings are her business. I’m guessing this is why you’re divorced. Arrogant. Is your child happy and well cared for? That should be your only concern. If the answer is yes then the rest is her business.

Again wether she works is not his business.

It wont change anything for the OP. She could earn 100k and he would have to pay the same.

Unless she has personal wealth that can sustain her, she needs her job for herself.

But that's nothing to do with Op or how much he pays her.

So its non of his business.

I would go discretely and see a professional about the situation, rather than ask for advice on here, as you can see there is large number of Posters who will find you at fault no matter what the situation is.

If this was the other way round, the husband would be told to get up off his arse and get a job rather than sponging off his wife. But men seem to get told off no matter what they do on here.

Something not right here...

This. The numbers don't add up. As Judge Judy says, "if it doesn't make sense, it's not true".

I’m doubting the veracity of your post as there’s some glaring incorrect details.

However if you believe CMS is incorrect, wouldn’t it be sensible to ask them to recalculate your payments?

I pay just short of £50 a week which might not sound like much, but with a mortgage and other bills it's the difference between being able to have a nice family holiday or not.

You're right, it doesn't sound like much, because it's not much. You wouldn't feed a good sized dog on that.

I don't believe for a moment the nights spent are an even 50/50. If they were the OP would be seeking from legal professionals, not from randomers on a message board.

She needs to maintain flexibility around your arrangement of EOW plus Monday and Tuesday so she’d struggle to find low pay work because it’s honestly never ever flexible. They give you hours and you have to take them basically or just not get paid and lose your job. If she’s been out of work for years it’s unlikely she’d get anything better than that unless she’s highly qualified, especially if she has a trade such as teaching or nursing then she may be ok. I suspect she’s worried about losing time with the DC as well because it’s already only 50%. I can see her perspective tbh and I can also see you’re not a fan of her.

Why is any of that his problem?

"childcare issues" my arse.

She could get a job, she clearly just doesnt want to. Which, is fine, but i still dont think she should get CMS.

the husband would be told to get up off his arse and get a job rather than sponging off his wife.
She isnt springing off him. That's the point.

She could work 70 hours a week and earn 100k. If the CMS calculator is correct, he would still have to pay that £50 per week.

I think she should get a job. But if she finds one tomorrow, op will still have to pay what he pays now.

So it doesnt impact him and isnt his business.

@kirkman - she's getting CMS from him which she shouldn't be if its 50/50 care.

How can she be claiming state benefits etc if she has a lot of money put aside as she is from a wealthy family as you put it and also owns her house outright??

If she owns a home, she won't get any benefits designed to pay for housing, but the equity in the home won't be counted as savings when it comes to determining eligibility for other means-tested benefits.

(At least that was the case a long time ago when I last read the rules, if they've changed since I'm sure someone will correct me.)

A "lot of money put aside" could be an issue, depends if it's enough to count against her. You can still claim Universal Credit if you have up to £16,000 of savings.

@LouiseCollina don’t be daft, thousands of people ask stupid questions on here every day that they should seek professional help with. MN would cease to exist if they didn’t 🤣.

she's getting CMS from him which she shouldn't be if its 50/50 care..

I agree. But that's not impacted by her working. If that calculation is incorrect, op needs to sort that. What she does for a job or earns doesnt impact CMS.

So that's non if his business. It doesnt impact him. As I said she could get a 50l a year job tomorrow. He will still have to pay the CMS.

If it turns out the CMS calculation us wrong he will be able to stop paying it. Wether she has a job or not.

Its 2 seperate issues.

@kirkman i know that, she doesn't have to work and No it wont affect op, but all these cries of "but the childcare" are frankly pathetic.

Many single parents use childcare just fine. The one in question doesnt even have to use it FT.